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I open facebook for 2 minutes a week and scroll through my relatives' baby and pet pictures. I don't get how the site is such a specter of misery for some peopl

I open facebook for 2 minutes a week and scroll through my relatives' baby and pet pictures. I don't get how the site is such a specter of misery for some people Twitter I would understand a little better. It's such a tar pit of negative energy, insults, rage bait, etc

ricefield 7y ago
Yeah I'm really confused by the whole "my life got so much better when I got off FB" trope. I don't spend a lot of time on Facebook, but my time spent there is generally pretty positive - I really enjoy getting updates from my friends and family and seeing their photos.
- blakesterz 7y ago
  I'm confused by it too, but I see it in some members of my family. Full grown, middle aged adults, absolutely ADDICTED to their Facebook feed. Sitting in a room full of people and glued to Facebook. I don't get it, but I can say without adult that those who are addicted to FB are also the most unhappy. So I see that correlation in my own life. I don't know that FB causes or contributes to their unhappiness, or if maybe it's an escape for them, but I see it.
Lammy 7y ago
> I don't get how the site is such a specter of misery for some people That's fine, great even, but do you believe those people are reporting their own experiences accurately?
zeroego 7y ago
Some people are more heavily integrated into the platform. My SO is a part of multiple groups based around common hobbies/preference in memes. Although there's a lot of good content in these groups they can get pretty toxic. Also, seeing your immediate family post political rants/flame other family members or random people on the internet can be disheartening.
gamblor956 7y ago
Righto. I've found that I'm much happier and have more "life satisfaction" when I use Facebook. But I also use Facebook primarily for organizing events and group activities.
- Forgivenessizer 7y ago
  As for myself, and most men, ordinary and dull, being devoid of that which attracts women, the vacuous but sonorous, like me, fb is perpetually the Garfield cartoon where John is sitting by the phone waiting for anybody except his mom to call. And then cobwebs. Deleted, I'll project my soul into the stars and find better company, and sing hymns with Epictitus and Nolan.
jayd16 7y ago
People can feel obligated to post those pictures. There's social pressure to respond to posts. Deleting Facebook can be easier than the social friction of using it but breaking perceived social obligations.
banana_giraffe 7y ago
I'm very happy that there are those that can interact with Facebook without negative side effects. If you're in that category, I hope the site adds value to you and you enjoy it. I can't. Yes, it's a failure on me, but my experience is better without Facebook in my life. You mention negativity, and that's part of it. I saw a steady stream of "the world's on fire" type posts. The other side, the rosy view of my friends and family also wasn't great. It was a steady stream of my brain using this as a chance to remind me I can't live up to these people, that I'm falling behind, and that in general, I suck. It's not true. I could have crafted an equal fantasy and posted it, but I'm not that person. I could let the positive and negative posts go without influencing my mental well-being, but I'm apparently not that person. All of this is a long way of saying, for me, Facebook is baggage I had to carry around with me. I didn't need to open it, but I knew it was there, ready to mock me at any time. Now my account is gone, and that bit of unnecessary baggage is gone. It added nothing to my life, only made it worse.
- graeme 7y ago
  It sounds like your two feeds are very different. I didn’t like facebook, then unfollowed everyone except immediate family. It’s nice now! Not distracting, occasional baby pictures. One of facebook’s worst long run mistakes was optimizing for engagement vs. enjoyment. It boosts metrics but makes people quit or go cold turkey. Instagram has never felt like that.
  - taurath 7y ago
    My family only reposts articles and never has anything to say themselves.
    - filoleg 7y ago
      Sounds like a problem with your family and not Facebook. But quitting Facebook will indeed help you distance yourself from all of that, so, I guess, it is still a net benefit.
  - bob33212 7y ago
new2628 7y ago
I drink one glass of fine red wine once a week while having a nice conversation with a good friend. On other occasions I have a shot of strong brandy before stepping out on a cold winter evening. I don't get how alcohol is such a specter of misery for some people.
- s_y_n_t_a_x 7y ago
  You're comparing social media usage to alcoholism? One is physically dependent, one is a fucking website. Ignore posts from people that cause you stress, or just don't scroll through the website. I keep mine to keep in touch with people, but I don't view other people's stupid thoughts. Of course that's not going to be fun.
  - tareqak 7y ago
    Both can be addictions whose severity range can range from inconsequential, to minor, to debilitating, to life-ending.
  - whytaka 7y ago
    Almost everyone has uncontrollable mental patterns. Some are more self destructive than others.
  - GcVmvNhBsU 7y ago
    One is a physical dependence, the other is a psychological dependence. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3480687/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3480687/
    - s_y_n_t_a_x 7y ago
      Well now we are getting into regulating dopamine responses, which is too broad to apply to a single website which is probably why the article doesn't have a source. This article is just a hit piece. This is the trash on HN these days.
- graeme 7y ago
npunt 7y ago
If there's one truth to social networks its that everyone's experiences on them are different, based on who you're connected to, where you grew up, what life stage you're in, and whether you have interests adjacent to toxic or problematic spaces. It's quite similar to the adage "you are the average of the five people you know best", but on a global scale. Radically different experiences can emerge from the same platform. Personally, my experiences on FB are extremely tame and similar to yours. However I intentionally sabotaged my experience by unfollowing nearly everyone several years ago. Even my rather fallow feed is an engine of engagement and addictive impulse, in part because of years of conditioning myself to go there when I was bored.
bitwize 7y ago
I think if you have basic bitch-ass friend who are always posting about "living their #bestlife" and/or are at risk of starting drama, you're in for a shitty time on Facebook. More so if you're like this yourself. People with lives to lead off social media have fewer of these problems.
agumonkey 7y ago
There a 'depressing' side of passive information intake. It satisfies but thinly. If your life is not balanced you can kinda get stuck on thin, aptly named, feed.
maximente 7y ago
not sure if you're being flippant re: 2 minutes but that's almost certainly undersold. you'll have to forgive me but i'm extremely skeptical of that claim if made seriously.
_--___-___ 7y ago
Don't really remember how, but my family switched to using a single snapchat group to share baby and pet pics, which imo works better for that use case. Even taught my grandmother how to open stories, even if she sometimes gets lost when they update the app. Maybe not much better than FB on most issues, but it's nice to get in and out without the facebook timesink, and these kids (probably) don't have to worry about embarrassing pictures on the public internet forever.
- Ottolay 7y ago
  GroupMe is another alternative which works similarly. Have two sets of social groups which use that instead of Facebook.
Uhhrrr 7y ago
My FB experience is like yours, but I had to mute friends and family who are perpetually outraged, as well as those who ask for help every day on things like which shoelaces to buy. I also raised the feed prominence for people who rarely post. Similarly for Twitter, I don't follow people who post ragebait or feel the need to comment on everything.
Diederich 7y ago
Right. My use of Facebook is similar. I almost never look at my 'feed'. I search on specific people and look at what they post, but on variable intervals. I'll look at a few people's posts once a day. Others, once a week, etc. > I don't get how the site is such a specter of misery for some people I understand what you're saying; it doesn't have much sway over me either. But it does over a lot of other folks, by design. And that pull is very real, and quite powerful.
Vysero 7y ago
I don't get it either. Then again I don't get how Twitter or any of social media site could be either.. thin skin I guess.
- rconti 7y ago
  There are plenty of people who claim (Facebook|Twitter) is what you make of it. But it seems to me that there's a substantive difference between the default-circles of Facebook where you see what your 'friends' post/share, and the default-broadcast of Twitter where more things are shouted publicly to the ether. To be sure, posts on either can be 100% public, and, in theory, you only see what you 'follow' on Twitter, but the design of the platforms is very different, and they have very different incentive structures. (Despite Facebook's incessant drive to increase engagement).
hkmurakami 7y ago
I'm just like you. Friends' family, dogs, humor posts. I've aggressively unfollowed connections who exhibit/show behavior/posts/lifestyles I don't want to be exposed to. Take control of your social media. It's great!
zelly 7y ago
> Twitter I would understand a little better. It's such a tar pit of negative energy, insults, rage bait, etc And orange website isn't?
bikeshed 7y ago
twitter is mostly anonymous users shitposting and dunking on each other. facebook is all your friends' racist friends yelling at you, interspersed with bizarre ads for products you'll never buy and sponsored links to phony news sites. it's a completely different dynamic and it's much more insidious.
tsukurimashou 7y ago
depends on which bubble you find yourself in, I guess. And I think depression and anxiety comes more from all the terrible "news" you get from around the world, it probably applies to "news" in general.

ricefield 7y ago

Yeah I'm really confused by the whole "my life got so much better when I got off FB" trope. I don't spend a lot of time on Facebook, but my time spent there is generally pretty positive - I really enjoy getting updates from my friends and family and seeing their photos.

blakesterz 7y ago
I'm confused by it too, but I see it in some members of my family. Full grown, middle aged adults, absolutely ADDICTED to their Facebook feed. Sitting in a room full of people and glued to Facebook. I don't get it, but I can say without adult that those who are addicted to FB are also the most unhappy. So I see that correlation in my own life. I don't know that FB causes or contributes to their unhappiness, or if maybe it's an escape for them, but I see it.

Lammy 7y ago

> I don't get how the site is such a specter of misery for some people That's fine, great even, but do you believe those people are reporting their own experiences accurately?

zeroego 7y ago

Some people are more heavily integrated into the platform. My SO is a part of multiple groups based around common hobbies/preference in memes. Although there's a lot of good content in these groups they can get pretty toxic. Also, seeing your immediate family post political rants/flame other family members or random people on the internet can be disheartening.

gamblor956 7y ago

Righto. I've found that I'm much happier and have more "life satisfaction" when I use Facebook. But I also use Facebook primarily for organizing events and group activities.

Forgivenessizer 7y ago
As for myself, and most men, ordinary and dull, being devoid of that which attracts women, the vacuous but sonorous, like me, fb is perpetually the Garfield cartoon where John is sitting by the phone waiting for anybody except his mom to call. And then cobwebs. Deleted, I'll project my soul into the stars and find better company, and sing hymns with Epictitus and Nolan.

jayd16 7y ago

People can feel obligated to post those pictures. There's social pressure to respond to posts. Deleting Facebook can be easier than the social friction of using it but breaking perceived social obligations.

banana_giraffe 7y ago

I'm very happy that there are those that can interact with Facebook without negative side effects. If you're in that category, I hope the site adds value to you and you enjoy it. I can't. Yes, it's a failure on me, but my experience is better without Facebook in my life. You mention negativity, and that's part of it. I saw a steady stream of "the world's on fire" type posts. The other side, the rosy view of my friends and family also wasn't great. It was a steady stream of my brain using this as a chance to remind me I can't live up to these people, that I'm falling behind, and that in general, I suck. It's not true. I could have crafted an equal fantasy and posted it, but I'm not that person. I could let the positive and negative posts go without influencing my mental well-being, but I'm apparently not that person. All of this is a long way of saying, for me, Facebook is baggage I had to carry around with me. I didn't need to open it, but I knew it was there, ready to mock me at any time. Now my account is gone, and that bit of unnecessary baggage is gone. It added nothing to my life, only made it worse.

graeme 7y ago
It sounds like your two feeds are very different. I didn’t like facebook, then unfollowed everyone except immediate family. It’s nice now! Not distracting, occasional baby pictures. One of facebook’s worst long run mistakes was optimizing for engagement vs. enjoyment. It boosts metrics but makes people quit or go cold turkey. Instagram has never felt like that.
- taurath 7y ago
  My family only reposts articles and never has anything to say themselves.
  - filoleg 7y ago
    Sounds like a problem with your family and not Facebook. But quitting Facebook will indeed help you distance yourself from all of that, so, I guess, it is still a net benefit.
- bob33212 7y ago

new2628 7y ago

I drink one glass of fine red wine once a week while having a nice conversation with a good friend. On other occasions I have a shot of strong brandy before stepping out on a cold winter evening. I don't get how alcohol is such a specter of misery for some people.

s_y_n_t_a_x 7y ago
You're comparing social media usage to alcoholism? One is physically dependent, one is a fucking website. Ignore posts from people that cause you stress, or just don't scroll through the website. I keep mine to keep in touch with people, but I don't view other people's stupid thoughts. Of course that's not going to be fun.
- tareqak 7y ago
  Both can be addictions whose severity range can range from inconsequential, to minor, to debilitating, to life-ending.
- whytaka 7y ago
  Almost everyone has uncontrollable mental patterns. Some are more self destructive than others.
- GcVmvNhBsU 7y ago
  One is a physical dependence, the other is a psychological dependence. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3480687/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3480687/
  - s_y_n_t_a_x 7y ago
    Well now we are getting into regulating dopamine responses, which is too broad to apply to a single website which is probably why the article doesn't have a source. This article is just a hit piece. This is the trash on HN these days.
graeme 7y ago

npunt 7y ago

If there's one truth to social networks its that everyone's experiences on them are different, based on who you're connected to, where you grew up, what life stage you're in, and whether you have interests adjacent to toxic or problematic spaces. It's quite similar to the adage "you are the average of the five people you know best", but on a global scale. Radically different experiences can emerge from the same platform. Personally, my experiences on FB are extremely tame and similar to yours. However I intentionally sabotaged my experience by unfollowing nearly everyone several years ago. Even my rather fallow feed is an engine of engagement and addictive impulse, in part because of years of conditioning myself to go there when I was bored.

bitwize 7y ago

I think if you have basic bitch-ass friend who are always posting about "living their #bestlife" and/or are at risk of starting drama, you're in for a shitty time on Facebook. More so if you're like this yourself. People with lives to lead off social media have fewer of these problems.

agumonkey 7y ago

There a 'depressing' side of passive information intake. It satisfies but thinly. If your life is not balanced you can kinda get stuck on thin, aptly named, feed.

maximente 7y ago

not sure if you're being flippant re: 2 minutes but that's almost certainly undersold. you'll have to forgive me but i'm extremely skeptical of that claim if made seriously.

_--___-___ 7y ago

Don't really remember how, but my family switched to using a single snapchat group to share baby and pet pics, which imo works better for that use case. Even taught my grandmother how to open stories, even if she sometimes gets lost when they update the app. Maybe not much better than FB on most issues, but it's nice to get in and out without the facebook timesink, and these kids (probably) don't have to worry about embarrassing pictures on the public internet forever.

Ottolay 7y ago
GroupMe is another alternative which works similarly. Have two sets of social groups which use that instead of Facebook.

Uhhrrr 7y ago

My FB experience is like yours, but I had to mute friends and family who are perpetually outraged, as well as those who ask for help every day on things like which shoelaces to buy. I also raised the feed prominence for people who rarely post. Similarly for Twitter, I don't follow people who post ragebait or feel the need to comment on everything.

Diederich 7y ago

Right. My use of Facebook is similar. I almost never look at my 'feed'. I search on specific people and look at what they post, but on variable intervals. I'll look at a few people's posts once a day. Others, once a week, etc. > I don't get how the site is such a specter of misery for some people I understand what you're saying; it doesn't have much sway over me either. But it does over a lot of other folks, by design. And that pull is very real, and quite powerful.

Vysero 7y ago

I don't get it either. Then again I don't get how Twitter or any of social media site could be either.. thin skin I guess.

rconti 7y ago
There are plenty of people who claim (Facebook|Twitter) is what you make of it. But it seems to me that there's a substantive difference between the default-circles of Facebook where you see what your 'friends' post/share, and the default-broadcast of Twitter where more things are shouted publicly to the ether. To be sure, posts on either can be 100% public, and, in theory, you only see what you 'follow' on Twitter, but the design of the platforms is very different, and they have very different incentive structures. (Despite Facebook's incessant drive to increase engagement).

hkmurakami 7y ago

I'm just like you. Friends' family, dogs, humor posts. I've aggressively unfollowed connections who exhibit/show behavior/posts/lifestyles I don't want to be exposed to. Take control of your social media. It's great!

zelly 7y ago

> Twitter I would understand a little better. It's such a tar pit of negative energy, insults, rage bait, etc And orange website isn't?

bikeshed 7y ago

twitter is mostly anonymous users shitposting and dunking on each other. facebook is all your friends' racist friends yelling at you, interspersed with bizarre ads for products you'll never buy and sponsored links to phony news sites. it's a completely different dynamic and it's much more insidious.

tsukurimashou 7y ago

depends on which bubble you find yourself in, I guess. And I think depression and anxiety comes more from all the terrible "news" you get from around the world, it probably applies to "news" in general.