There's a confusion about being "narcissist" and having Narcissitic Personality Disorder. They are worlds apart. My impression is that the OP does not have NPD

There's a confusion about being "narcissist" and having Narcissitic Personality Disorder. They are worlds apart. My impression is that the OP does not have NPD, but perhaps, you were raised by one. As for whether you have NPD or not, I don't really know.