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Thank you so much for sharing! It does help to hear about other people's experiences, and where they are now (even though I know it's different for everybody).

Thank you so much for sharing! It does help to hear about other people's experiences, and where they are now (even though I know it's different for everybody). > If it's really bothering you, I'd talk to someone because I think it would probably help. Either a friend or a professional. Fear is something that's easier to deal with if you talk about it in my experience. For sure, this is great advice! I've been working on finding a therapist. For the most part, I'm okay. I don't think I'm suffering from PTSD, but my base anxiety levels have risen a lot, I've had one panic attack (a couple days after the bad trip), and sometimes I catch myself ruminating on some really dark shit. (Like the idea that the natural state of consciousness is eternal suffering, which is what I 100% believed was the truth during the trip.) Before my experience I would read stuff like your 8-bit Salvia experience and think "okay, yeah, that sounds scary, but also super interesting, and something I would maybe want to experience". I kind of thought people would exaggerate how scary things were for dramatic effect. Now I know better. The human brain has an amazing capacity for self torture.

ryanmercer 7y ago
I'll probably lose track of this thread now but you can find me with on reddit as /u/ryanmercer too if you have any other questions. >"okay, yeah, that sounds scary, but also super interesting, and something I would maybe want to experience". It was definitely the strangest experience I've ever had. I felt like I was going up a roller coaster ramp but everything was like when an NES cartridge would glitch and kept looping... I would get the impression that time would go forward 3-4 seconds then would just pop back 2-3 seconds. So I was slowly working my way up this thing that felt like a roller coaster. The angle of the climb of 'roller coaster' (it was just like a million kaleidoscopes threw up with vague notions of movement) months later made me think it was the exit ramp to get to my friend's apartment. We were driving up the exit ramp and I closed my eyes because the sun was just blasting them and I was like wait, this feels like that horrible trip. Upon review of most of my trips, I can link them to real memories/objects I'd recently seen. Like the spider, the dragon I'm pretty sure was a mix of books in the Pern series, I was Santa because it was the day before Christmas Eve, the morgue/crematorium were always when I was in bed in the dark and wearing a sleep mask to block out light, the octopus tentacle face guy reminded me of the guy in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, a few times I felt a consciousness and tried to reach out to it only to have a buzzing and painful clap happen in my ears that would snap me completely out of the trip... per Biblical lore man can't hear the voice of God so that's probably where that came from. The only time I had positive experiences from psychotropics was when I was in relaxed social settings with friends. We used to take acid at the mall in high school and we'd rove around together so we all had good experiences. Various things at outdoor concerts, floating down a river or creek on innertubes, hiking or camping. Even then though you'd eventually get tired of it long before the effects wore off but it wasn't so bad because you could just talk and keep busy, alone I'd often also get bored relatively quick on mushrooms/mdma/lsd and there's nothing you can do but just continue on with disjointed thoughts and a tight jaw (it took me forever to figure out to chew gum) and that's when you'd get antsy or paranoid or dark thoughts would start to creep in. Once you get antsy/paranoid/dark the trip is soured and almost certainly will stay there or get worse. It was an interesting part of my life but it's nowhere near as glamorous as the internet, or even movies, make it out to be. DMT specifically can just be a generally unpleasant experience and appears to be pretty universal in that, while some people have good experiences pretty much everyone has some bad ones once they've done it a handful of times.

ryanmercer 7y ago

I'll probably lose track of this thread now but you can find me with on reddit as /u/ryanmercer too if you have any other questions. >"okay, yeah, that sounds scary, but also super interesting, and something I would maybe want to experience". It was definitely the strangest experience I've ever had. I felt like I was going up a roller coaster ramp but everything was like when an NES cartridge would glitch and kept looping... I would get the impression that time would go forward 3-4 seconds then would just pop back 2-3 seconds. So I was slowly working my way up this thing that felt like a roller coaster. The angle of the climb of 'roller coaster' (it was just like a million kaleidoscopes threw up with vague notions of movement) months later made me think it was the exit ramp to get to my friend's apartment. We were driving up the exit ramp and I closed my eyes because the sun was just blasting them and I was like wait, this feels like that horrible trip. Upon review of most of my trips, I can link them to real memories/objects I'd recently seen. Like the spider, the dragon I'm pretty sure was a mix of books in the Pern series, I was Santa because it was the day before Christmas Eve, the morgue/crematorium were always when I was in bed in the dark and wearing a sleep mask to block out light, the octopus tentacle face guy reminded me of the guy in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, a few times I felt a consciousness and tried to reach out to it only to have a buzzing and painful clap happen in my ears that would snap me completely out of the trip... per Biblical lore man can't hear the voice of God so that's probably where that came from. The only time I had positive experiences from psychotropics was when I was in relaxed social settings with friends. We used to take acid at the mall in high school and we'd rove around together so we all had good experiences. Various things at outdoor concerts, floating down a river or creek on innertubes, hiking or camping. Even then though you'd eventually get tired of it long before the effects wore off but it wasn't so bad because you could just talk and keep busy, alone I'd often also get bored relatively quick on mushrooms/mdma/lsd and there's nothing you can do but just continue on with disjointed thoughts and a tight jaw (it took me forever to figure out to chew gum) and that's when you'd get antsy or paranoid or dark thoughts would start to creep in. Once you get antsy/paranoid/dark the trip is soured and almost certainly will stay there or get worse. It was an interesting part of my life but it's nowhere near as glamorous as the internet, or even movies, make it out to be. DMT specifically can just be a generally unpleasant experience and appears to be pretty universal in that, while some people have good experiences pretty much everyone has some bad ones once they've done it a handful of times.