6 ms·

"Hi , my name is .. <reach out hand for handshake>. What you've been up today?" - Start conversion with something you notice about the other person, the event,

"Hi , my name is .. <reach out hand for handshake>. What you've been up today?" - Start conversion with something you notice about the other person, the event, the surroundings ("the color of your watch matches with your sweater - stylish!", "is this stuff boring or is it just me?", "you know why they put that thing over there?") - Topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams - Repeat the last few words of the other person and look asking. The person will continue the subject s/he's talking about - Connect and imagine the other guy. "I am a writer" - "A writer! I always wanted to be one but always stop after one page of writing. I imagine you must be very disciplined" - Avoid RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics) - You can always say nothing and just stay there. Often the other person picks up the conversation once you're past a few minutes. - Try looking people into the eye while walking around, and force yourself to not look away. This is a nice training for looking strangers in to the eye in a cold approach. Once you got that, talking to strangers becomes much less intimidating. - Eventually people will ask you what you do for work / or what you did today. Have something ready that sounds interesting.

LaGrange 7y ago
> "Hi , my name is .. <reach out hand for handshake>. What you've been up today?" ...why is this guy randomly talking to me? Are they selling something? > - Start conversion with something you notice about the other person, the event, the surroundings ("the color of your watch matches with your sweater - stylish!", "is this stuff boring or is it just me?", "you know why they put that thing over there?") ...oh god, this is boring... > - Topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams ...this is wildly veering _super_ boring and way too personal. > Repeat the last few words of the other person and look asking. The person will continue the subject s/he's talking about ...okay, they're not selling me anything, they're an axe murderer. > Connect and imagine the other guy. "I am a writer" - "A writer! I always wanted to be one but always stop after one page of writing. I imagine you must be very disciplined" ...at least they seem sloppy, maybe if I leave the venue quietly they'll forget I was there. > Avoid RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics) 1. Avoids topic that involve materialised ethics. 2. Uses _rape_ as a funny acronym. More evidence of axe murdering tendencies. > You can always say nothing and just stay there. Often the other person picks up the conversation once you're past a few minutes. ...I don't think standing silently in the corner and staring is going to diminish the axe murderer impression you just made. > Try looking people into the eye while walking around, and force yourself to not look away. This is a nice training for looking strangers in to the eye in a cold approach. Once you got that, talking to strangers becomes much less intimidating. ...what did I just say about staring? Because now you're _staring people right in the eye and not looking back_. Fun thing you learn early as you learn masking autism, people _way_ overrate looking others in the eyes. > Eventually people will ask you what you do for work / or what you did today. Have something ready that sounds interesting. "I kill people. With an axe and/or facial recognition."
- kerkeslager 7y ago
  Okay, this is a narrative that is occurring in your head, but it's not occurring in everyone's head, and if you happen to talk to someone who has this narrative occurring in their head, who cares? You're not going to please everyone. You're not going to befriend everyone you talk to, but you're not going to befriend anyone you don't talk to.
  - LaGrange 7y ago
    > Okay, this is a narrative that is occurring in your head, but it's not occurring in everyone's head, Oh, for sure, I'm not saying this approach won't work for you. I'm saying that if you're using that approach you're being using strategies designed mostly by abusers, that are inherently abusive (now, whether you are an abuser depends on whether you realise that and whether you stick to it after realising that), and that you _shouldn't do that_. > You're not going to befriend everyone you talk to, but you're not going to befriend anyone you don't talk to. I don't have to try and befriend everyone I meet. There are social contexts specifically designed for making new friendships, and quite helpfully they usually also provide a framework for approaching new people. And between meetup.com, OkCupid, interest-specific subreddits, Discords and Twitter, it's easier than ever to find should spaces that are tailored to however specific your social needs are. There's zero excuse for cold approach.
    - bluntfang 7y ago
      It sounds like you have a history of abuse. I am so sorry and hope you're able to get the help you need. As I'm sure you know, not everyone trying to socialize is out to get you. Not everyone has the same social needs as you. But I can see how difficult that could be if you've been a victim of abuse. I think it's good to note that not everyone has the same hang ups as you do, and many people do actually enjoy meeting people and making acquaintances outside of specifically designated social events. DM me if you'd like someone to talk to.
      - LaGrange 7y ago
personlurking 7y ago
Plus - some version of asking for a recommendation (ie, "what's good here?") - in a social event, try "Hi, we haven't met yet, I'm ______"
bluntfang 7y ago
>Avoid RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics) I see how this can be valuable, but can we not use this acronym?
- BlackListed 7y ago
  Avoid PEAR then?
  - dsmurrell 7y ago
    Yes, avoid PEAR, use RAPE.

LaGrange 7y ago

> "Hi , my name is .. <reach out hand for handshake>. What you've been up today?" ...why is this guy randomly talking to me? Are they selling something? > - Start conversion with something you notice about the other person, the event, the surroundings ("the color of your watch matches with your sweater - stylish!", "is this stuff boring or is it just me?", "you know why they put that thing over there?") ...oh god, this is boring... > - Topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams ...this is wildly veering _super_ boring and way too personal. > Repeat the last few words of the other person and look asking. The person will continue the subject s/he's talking about ...okay, they're not selling me anything, they're an axe murderer. > Connect and imagine the other guy. "I am a writer" - "A writer! I always wanted to be one but always stop after one page of writing. I imagine you must be very disciplined" ...at least they seem sloppy, maybe if I leave the venue quietly they'll forget I was there. > Avoid RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics) 1. Avoids topic that involve materialised ethics. 2. Uses _rape_ as a funny acronym. More evidence of axe murdering tendencies. > You can always say nothing and just stay there. Often the other person picks up the conversation once you're past a few minutes. ...I don't think standing silently in the corner and staring is going to diminish the axe murderer impression you just made. > Try looking people into the eye while walking around, and force yourself to not look away. This is a nice training for looking strangers in to the eye in a cold approach. Once you got that, talking to strangers becomes much less intimidating. ...what did I just say about staring? Because now you're _staring people right in the eye and not looking back_. Fun thing you learn early as you learn masking autism, people _way_ overrate looking others in the eyes. > Eventually people will ask you what you do for work / or what you did today. Have something ready that sounds interesting. "I kill people. With an axe and/or facial recognition."

kerkeslager 7y ago
Okay, this is a narrative that is occurring in your head, but it's not occurring in everyone's head, and if you happen to talk to someone who has this narrative occurring in their head, who cares? You're not going to please everyone. You're not going to befriend everyone you talk to, but you're not going to befriend anyone you don't talk to.
- LaGrange 7y ago
  > Okay, this is a narrative that is occurring in your head, but it's not occurring in everyone's head, Oh, for sure, I'm not saying this approach won't work for you. I'm saying that if you're using that approach you're being using strategies designed mostly by abusers, that are inherently abusive (now, whether you are an abuser depends on whether you realise that and whether you stick to it after realising that), and that you _shouldn't do that_. > You're not going to befriend everyone you talk to, but you're not going to befriend anyone you don't talk to. I don't have to try and befriend everyone I meet. There are social contexts specifically designed for making new friendships, and quite helpfully they usually also provide a framework for approaching new people. And between meetup.com, OkCupid, interest-specific subreddits, Discords and Twitter, it's easier than ever to find should spaces that are tailored to however specific your social needs are. There's zero excuse for cold approach.
  - bluntfang 7y ago
    It sounds like you have a history of abuse. I am so sorry and hope you're able to get the help you need. As I'm sure you know, not everyone trying to socialize is out to get you. Not everyone has the same social needs as you. But I can see how difficult that could be if you've been a victim of abuse. I think it's good to note that not everyone has the same hang ups as you do, and many people do actually enjoy meeting people and making acquaintances outside of specifically designated social events. DM me if you'd like someone to talk to.
    - LaGrange 7y ago

personlurking 7y ago

Plus - some version of asking for a recommendation (ie, "what's good here?") - in a social event, try "Hi, we haven't met yet, I'm ______"

bluntfang 7y ago

>Avoid RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics) I see how this can be valuable, but can we not use this acronym?

BlackListed 7y ago
Avoid PEAR then?
- dsmurrell 7y ago
  Yes, avoid PEAR, use RAPE.