5 ms·

My approach to negotiations is described in the book "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss.

by dot1x 7y ago

thulecitizen 7y ago
If you want to share: what were some insights you gained from the book? I considered reading it, but then I read a review that says that although it’s useful, it presents a few quite manipulative tactics: “A lot of what affects how much you enjoy these books is, again, how self aware you are or how much consideration you've given to how you talk to people and the best way to get what you want from others. If you already easily have any easy time convincing people, or have thought about it and are self aware of how you behave and talk to others then I don't think any of these things are going to be surprising or helpful but if you haven't ever actually considered the way you interact with people then maybe this will be an eye opening book for you. Personally I think I've always been a little manipulative so I wasn't all that impressed. The writing was average also so the books clear and easy to read but I wasn't impressed by the writing either.” Source: https://www.goodreads.com/review/1841965174/ https://www.goodreads.com/review/1841965174/
- yyx 7y ago
  As a man who knew nothing about negotiation, "start with "no"" is a great tactic I never thought about before.
- mtrimpe 7y ago
  I think the review actually says that for people who are naturally manipulative the book doesn’t necessarily add much; which I can imagine. The book actually explains quite well which negotiation tactics don’t work when faced with life and death situations (hostage negotiation) and goes on to explain which ones do and why they actually work better in everyday negotiations as well.
- dot1x 7y ago
  I got the highest job-hopping % increase in salary by following the advice of this book. Using tactics such as "Saying no without saying no" and "Start with your number $X+80%, then say no without saying no each time going down by 15-20% in 3 steps. At the last step, give a non-round number that seems to be your lowest threshold". The book has further gems like - Deadlines cut both ways. Never hide your deadline, as it will increase the chance of an impasse: the opponent will hold out for more while you will be pressured by the unspoken deadline. - Never bluff. Be prepared to actually walk away from the table at any given time. - If the other party thinks lowly of you, bring forth their worst fears. This allows them to see them through the glasses of logic instead of emotions. Once you diffuse their feelings in the open, they'll be more receptive to what you have to say. The book is worth a read.
  - eru 7y ago
    Depends on what you mean by bluff. Eg you can pretend that you have another offer. But if someone calls your bluff, you shouldn't come back begging. If you need to, don't bluff.
    - dot1x 7y ago
      Exactly. If someone calls your bluff, you should be able to back it up.
      - eru 7y ago
        My point was a bit subtler: you can pretend that you have an outside offer of a million dollars from company B when you are talking to company A. But when company A then refuses to pay up to you bluff, I say, "Well, tough luck, your bluff got called." There's nothing backing up the bluff, apart from your willingness to walk away.
  - hammock 7y ago
    Great summary, I have watched several Chris Voss talks/videos but some of what you shared is new. Can you give some examples of "saying no without saying no"?
    - naveen99 7y ago
      Instead of no, say “how am I supposed to do that?”
      - dot1x 7y ago
        To add to this, the author mentions multiple times that tone of voice is extremely important when using this technique. A demanding tone of voice will only backfire. Ask that question in a relaxed, non-demanding, joyful voice.
  - marvin 7y ago
    "Start with your number $X+80%, then" Norwegian here: I've previously read self-improvement books written by Americans that state advice that gives me the same vibes as this one, specifically a feeling of this being a very bad idea. I'm almost certain that starting a salary negotiation with a demand 80% higher than my actual goal would either get me laughed out of the room, or a polite "you're too expensive for us, goodbye". I get the impression there's a major cultural aspect to this, with negotiation tactics that are considered acceptable or not in each culture. Does anyone have any experiences confirming or denying this? I don't think I'll stake my reputation in this small-ish city on trying this out.
- warlog 7y ago
  As an outsider/beginner to negotiation... The book was amazing. I recommend the audio as Voss narrates... And voice is important.

My approach to negotiations is described in the book "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss.

by dot1x 7y ago

My approach to negotiations is described in the book "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss.

If you want to share: what were some insights you gained from the book? I considered reading it, but then I read a review that says that although it’s useful, it presents a few quite manipulative tactics: “A lot of what affects how much you enjoy these books is, again, how self aware you are or how much consideration you've given to how you talk to people and the best way to get what you want from others. If you already easily have any easy time convincing people, or have thought about it and are self aware of how you behave and talk to others then I don't think any of these things are going to be surprising or helpful but if you haven't ever actually considered the way you interact with people then maybe this will be an eye opening book for you. Personally I think I've always been a little manipulative so I wasn't all that impressed. The writing was average also so the books clear and easy to read but I wasn't impressed by the writing either.” Source: https://www.goodreads.com/review/1841965174/ https://www.goodreads.com/review/1841965174/

yyx 7y ago
As a man who knew nothing about negotiation, "start with "no"" is a great tactic I never thought about before.
mtrimpe 7y ago
I think the review actually says that for people who are naturally manipulative the book doesn’t necessarily add much; which I can imagine. The book actually explains quite well which negotiation tactics don’t work when faced with life and death situations (hostage negotiation) and goes on to explain which ones do and why they actually work better in everyday negotiations as well.
dot1x 7y ago
I got the highest job-hopping % increase in salary by following the advice of this book. Using tactics such as "Saying no without saying no" and "Start with your number $X+80%, then say no without saying no each time going down by 15-20% in 3 steps. At the last step, give a non-round number that seems to be your lowest threshold". The book has further gems like - Deadlines cut both ways. Never hide your deadline, as it will increase the chance of an impasse: the opponent will hold out for more while you will be pressured by the unspoken deadline. - Never bluff. Be prepared to actually walk away from the table at any given time. - If the other party thinks lowly of you, bring forth their worst fears. This allows them to see them through the glasses of logic instead of emotions. Once you diffuse their feelings in the open, they'll be more receptive to what you have to say. The book is worth a read.
- eru 7y ago
  Depends on what you mean by bluff. Eg you can pretend that you have another offer. But if someone calls your bluff, you shouldn't come back begging. If you need to, don't bluff.
  - dot1x 7y ago
    Exactly. If someone calls your bluff, you should be able to back it up.
    - eru 7y ago
      My point was a bit subtler: you can pretend that you have an outside offer of a million dollars from company B when you are talking to company A. But when company A then refuses to pay up to you bluff, I say, "Well, tough luck, your bluff got called." There's nothing backing up the bluff, apart from your willingness to walk away.
- hammock 7y ago
  Great summary, I have watched several Chris Voss talks/videos but some of what you shared is new. Can you give some examples of "saying no without saying no"?
  - naveen99 7y ago
    Instead of no, say “how am I supposed to do that?”
    - dot1x 7y ago
      To add to this, the author mentions multiple times that tone of voice is extremely important when using this technique. A demanding tone of voice will only backfire. Ask that question in a relaxed, non-demanding, joyful voice.
- marvin 7y ago
  "Start with your number $X+80%, then" Norwegian here: I've previously read self-improvement books written by Americans that state advice that gives me the same vibes as this one, specifically a feeling of this being a very bad idea. I'm almost certain that starting a salary negotiation with a demand 80% higher than my actual goal would either get me laughed out of the room, or a polite "you're too expensive for us, goodbye". I get the impression there's a major cultural aspect to this, with negotiation tactics that are considered acceptable or not in each culture. Does anyone have any experiences confirming or denying this? I don't think I'll stake my reputation in this small-ish city on trying this out.
warlog 7y ago
As an outsider/beginner to negotiation... The book was amazing. I recommend the audio as Voss narrates... And voice is important.