4 ms·
Using a throwaway account because I don't usually talk publicly about it. I did a round of "You're going to die" with esophageal cancer in 2017. The conversat
by ta12126 7y ago
Using a throwaway account because I don't usually talk publicly about it.
I did a round of "You're going to die" with esophageal cancer in 2017.
The conversations I had with my peers that were waiting in line for radiation and/or chemo were refreshingly real and focused.
It's interesting where your head eventually lands in these situations.
- cmauniada 7y agoDo you mind sharing some of your conversations?
- ta12126 7y agoSure. For whatever reason, my peers were mostly women, and I don't have many close female friends in my circles outside of my wife and sister. It was interesting how many of them had this sort of overwhelming guilt about dying. That they were somehow on the hook in an exclusive way for what happens to their husband and children when they are gone. There was one in particular that seemed obsessed about how selfish and materialistic her husband was, and how it might shape her kid's future. I was in line with her maybe 4 or 5 times, over a 4 month period, and we talked for 10-20 minutes or so each time. Still haunts me. She was very intelligent and rational, but deeply sad. She was in pretty rough shape, and I assume she died. Also, in kind of a selfish way, I liked the opportunity to talk with women in a deep way with no fear of jealousy, misread intentions, awkward intros, etc. They would open up immediately based on our shared experience. Felt like it was a unique opportunity to peer into something I'd never have found otherwise. I can now truly vouch for the idea that women have it generally harder vs men in Western culture.
- justanotherhn 7y agoI can now truly vouch for the idea that women have it generally harder vs men in Western culture. Based on what? You do not believe men have these same thoughts about their spouse and what happens to their loved ones after they pass? Even guilt as you described. I ask this with respect and curiocity.
- ta12126 7y agoBased on a bunch of guilt they were carrying to the grave that I wasn't. It was a personal observation. Not a scientific conclusion.
- david38 7y agoYou mean you found some women who had it harder than you. Like you said, it was mostly women you spoke with. Also, women are conditioned to open up about their hardships more (in the US). I’ve seen my fair share of people die, slowly and suddenly. It’s always the same. The men say less. They are expected to. They’re not supposed to complain or say what’s on their mind other than “don’t worry about me.”
- pfarnsworth 7y agoI hope you have recovered fully from this.
- ta12126 7y ago2, almost 3 years in with clean CT and PET scans. Supposedly 5 years is the mark for optimism. So, yeah, good so far. Adenocarcinoma, btw. Which is usually driven by stress induced stomach acid over a lifetime. I suspect this is fairly common in our line of work. So, "see your doctor" if you have recurring issues with acid reflux. It starts with a condition called "Barret's Esophagus". Had I gone in earlier, I could have avoided some pretty radical surgery that removed 6 inches of my esophagus. Men are pretty notorious with doctors for putting issues off and waiting until it's too late.
- pop12121 7y agoThank you for sharing your experience! Do you mind disclosing the line of work you were in?
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- ta12126 7y agoLeadership job in the tech area of a mostly non-tech Fortune 500 corp. Software, cloud, etc.
- dennisgorelik 7y ago> Men are pretty notorious with doctors for putting issues off That is one of the reasons why health insurance for men is significantly cheaper than health insurance for women.