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Now I just need to figure out a good way to pass that hint along to my wife without her inferring that I hate her and don't ever want to speak to her about anyt
by bartonfink 16y ago
Now I just need to figure out a good way to pass that hint along to my wife without her inferring that I hate her and don't ever want to speak to her about anything.
- r00fus 16y agoFind a way to infect her friend with this info/site. They'll be more likely to influence her than you.
- tertius 16y agoI always found this very scary. If I'm not the largest influencer (positive/negative) then I have bigger problems to worry about.
- saraid216 16y agoThere was an article in the NYTimes called "Are your Friends Making you Fat?" that's surprisingly relevant to that comment: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/magazine/13contagion-t.html?pagewanted=all http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/magazine/13contagion-t.htm...
- sudhirc 16y agoThis is a great read.I have submitted it independent submission here. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2220912 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2220912
- r00fus 16y agoYou're thinking about it the wrong way... bartonfink's issue was that for this issue his input had a conflict of interest. You remove that by getting a separate person to lead the input... which you can reference later on. This is not so different from the standard sales approach of gaining the confidence of an SME on the client side who advises the decision maker.
- momotomo 16y agoIn my experience if I'm her largest influence, then something's gone horribly wrong. I don't mean to be offensive, but this concept sounds more like codependency than a partnership.
- tertius 16y agoWell, I can balance it by saying that largest doesn't mean only.
- momotomo 16y agoYeah, sorry my initial reply was borderline knee jerk. I'm even questionable on even largest, but it's all on the back of my own experience. The successful relationships I've had were always ones where my partner had their own, multiple criteria for happiness. I want to be at most say, a third of someone's life and contribute as much to their emotional state. Between work, hobbies, social circles, working out, etc etc, I've always found relationships to fit into that but they place about no. 3-4, and anecdotally, its always made for better outcomes. When they hit no. 1 or 2, it means we're both giving up on something that's a significant part of our character, and I've never found it to be a positive indicator.
- jobrahms 16y agoFamily therapists know this stuff already. Tell her that you want to make your marriage everything it could be and more, etc, etc, and get her to a therapist, where she'll learn it for herself. Worked for me ;)
- colanderman 16y agoSounds way more expensive than: "Hunny, I appreciate that you want to help me remember what needs doing, but it's overwhelming if you tell me as soon as I come home from a long day at work. I know I have a habit of forgetting, so let's make a deal: if I forget to do something come 9 PM, I'll take on one of your chores the next day. Does that sound fair to you?" Or if your SO can take the hint from humor: "If I had a nickel for every time you told me to take out the trash when I was about to do it..."
- kenjackson 16y agoI always thought it was "honey" -- like the stuff bees make?
- colanderman 16y agoYou're probably right. I think "hunny" is derived "honey" -> "hun" -> "hunny" though.
- nhangen 16y agoA Facebook like works well for me :)
- djacobs 16y agoConvention says: get your mutual friends to share it on Facebook. My suggestion? A dream within a dream within a dream.
- billybob 16y agoWow. I could just tell my wife, and it would be fine. I guess I'm fortunate.
- wanderful 16y agoYou could try nagging her?