Hey lostgame, here are some thoughts: 1. This time of year is notoriously tough on mental health, and that's probably part of it. I got a subclinical case of S

Hey lostgame, here are some thoughts: 1. This time of year is notoriously tough on mental health, and that's probably part of it. I got a subclinical case of SAD during the holidays. No triggering reason, life is generally OK, but I really was not very active outside of some minimum activity. I am finally coming out of it now that the days are noticably longer. 2. There's also been a seasonal cold going around that I just started getting over today. Its symptoms were mild but included some amount of disorganization and inability to focus. Really dramatic between yesterday and now in terms of how much I accomplished and how difficult it was. 3. All that notwithstanding, I have had a few traumatic experiences that resurface on occasion. The most effective thing I've done is to find a hobby that is really intensively engaging - not just idle escapism like most entertainment but the top-end, "I have to stay 100% in it" kind of stuff. For a while judo did this. It's a large committment, though, and I can't always find time for it. More recently pinball has filled that gap, and pinball is something I can get a quick fix of on my phone. Both of those games assault the senses and require my total attention to succeed, which really does a lot to reduce the ruminating aspects of traumatic stress. 4. When I want to ruminate and escaping won't do the trick I will turn to a diary. In here I try to settle my thoughts with storytelling. The goal - and there is a goal here - is to not just report the facts and rationales like a detective but to make a fairy tale out of it, adding in the kind of symbolic resolution you feel is just or in character with your beliefs, even if it means adding fantastic elements. When you do this, you change the story into one that allows you to heal and guides your identity back towards something stable. The "healing story" is an old folk technique, and a good, low-risk one to try. 5. It probably isn't the job, and like others are saying, you want to keep that. A good rule to work from is "fix ordinary things", and if the job doesn't need fixing then it probably isn't the focus. Everything can be a struggle. Let yourself rest, but also don't let things go when you have the energy and focus, even if it means silly stuff. I realized that my habits are such that I am really focused to do a little more coding right when I go to the gym...and so now I go and immediately use their bathroom to get in an extra 20 minutes. I go in the off hours so there isn't a traffic jam, but it's like, "well, my mindset is good here, why not use that?" Sometimes it is little stuff that adds up like that, that gets me through the day.