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Interesting enough it’s possible to explain to the people that you want to be left alone when e.g. you have your laptop lid open. If done politely but firmly th

Interesting enough it’s possible to explain to the people that you want to be left alone when e.g. you have your laptop lid open. If done politely but firmly they take it easy and respect your space. I only point it out because it seems once the ice is broken there’s no way to keep that distance but it isn’t so.

newnewpdro 7y ago
How that plays out depends on the person, and since we're talking about random strangers here, it's really quite unpredictable. In my experience I've come to prefer being completely anonymous in public. The communities where I've been more outgoing and developed a rapport with strangers, it's only become a burden. I don't want to have to say hi and explain to people I don't have time to talk when I'm going through the grocery store, or just getting work done at a cafe. It's annoying, and depending on the person, they can appear really quite defeated or offended even, by being denied the opportunity to socialize again. I've also found that relations are in a better place as complete strangers vs. "ice broken" but with denied interactions more than once. The former is a clean slate, the latter is actually in a worse than clean slate form. You've gone from clean slate to actively rejecting the contact after seeing a bit of what's behind the previously closed door. Being social with strangers is great if you're extroverted and want to prioritize those interactions in your life. Otherwise it can really be a can of worms. Now I only do it when I'm traveling, since I'm confident I won't see those people regularly. Even those interactions can be problematic, people often want to exchange contact information and meet again, and get offended when I refuse.
- mcdramamean 7y ago
  So insightful! It took me a while to get a "feel" for what you are saying; but you put it into words perfectly. This is especially difficult in situations like baristas or service workers of places I frequent. One day I might be gregarious and have a conversation with the person, but most of the time I just want to get my coffee and be on my way. I've already planned my next couple steps; and stopping to chat wasn't one of them. Then, every time I go to this place, it's a weird interaction with the service worker because I didn't pick the conversation up where we last left it, or I didn't show a keen interest in them that day. It leads to them avoiding eye-contact or "going on break" when your next in line. So I try extra hard now to just keep to my own and not talk to anyone for the most part. Not out of being anti-social, but just knowing that I most likely won't benefit from the interaction in the long run.
  - lonelappde 7y ago
    There's someone who leaves their work post just to avoid you, because you chatter with them once and then didn't chat then next time? Are you sure?
    - mcdramamean 7y ago
      No one can be sure of anything in these situations. Are you saying this scenario is impossible?

newnewpdro 7y ago

How that plays out depends on the person, and since we're talking about random strangers here, it's really quite unpredictable. In my experience I've come to prefer being completely anonymous in public. The communities where I've been more outgoing and developed a rapport with strangers, it's only become a burden. I don't want to have to say hi and explain to people I don't have time to talk when I'm going through the grocery store, or just getting work done at a cafe. It's annoying, and depending on the person, they can appear really quite defeated or offended even, by being denied the opportunity to socialize again. I've also found that relations are in a better place as complete strangers vs. "ice broken" but with denied interactions more than once. The former is a clean slate, the latter is actually in a worse than clean slate form. You've gone from clean slate to actively rejecting the contact after seeing a bit of what's behind the previously closed door. Being social with strangers is great if you're extroverted and want to prioritize those interactions in your life. Otherwise it can really be a can of worms. Now I only do it when I'm traveling, since I'm confident I won't see those people regularly. Even those interactions can be problematic, people often want to exchange contact information and meet again, and get offended when I refuse.

mcdramamean 7y ago
So insightful! It took me a while to get a "feel" for what you are saying; but you put it into words perfectly. This is especially difficult in situations like baristas or service workers of places I frequent. One day I might be gregarious and have a conversation with the person, but most of the time I just want to get my coffee and be on my way. I've already planned my next couple steps; and stopping to chat wasn't one of them. Then, every time I go to this place, it's a weird interaction with the service worker because I didn't pick the conversation up where we last left it, or I didn't show a keen interest in them that day. It leads to them avoiding eye-contact or "going on break" when your next in line. So I try extra hard now to just keep to my own and not talk to anyone for the most part. Not out of being anti-social, but just knowing that I most likely won't benefit from the interaction in the long run.
- lonelappde 7y ago
  There's someone who leaves their work post just to avoid you, because you chatter with them once and then didn't chat then next time? Are you sure?
  - mcdramamean 7y ago
    No one can be sure of anything in these situations. Are you saying this scenario is impossible?