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May we go on a short tangent about a word and its associated feeling? I submit to you that you don't sound jealous, because it really doesn't fit the rest of w

by K0SM0S 7y ago

May we go on a short tangent about a word and its associated feeling? I submit to you that you don't sound jealous, because it really doesn't fit the rest of what you express; I suggest that you are maybe "envious¹" in the sense that jealousy means envy + depriving the other of what they have ("it should be me and not them", it's a matter of exclusivity, like being jealous of #1 if you finished second, or jealous of the one dating someone you love, or whoever took your job/offer). You don't sound hostile to them, merely wishing more for yourself (which in itself is a positive feeling?) I really don't know what the word you meant to use in your own language actually meant (I'm French personally, so English is just our medium translation layer). But I'm curious, culturally you know, about these nuances². I'd love it if you could just introspect that feeling a bit and share what it really feels like, the complex emotion and what it "touches" in you (does it bring despair, or motivation, or resolve, etc). [if it's too personal, I got email, just ask] Personally, I can feel "aspiring to" or "inspiration from" people who achieved more than me — I don't want to deprive them of anything, I don't wish they failed, nor do I wish to belittle their accomplishments; however I'd love to eat everything they know, steal like the greatest of artists (the good ones merely copy!), that is at best become friends with these people and let them influence me (the true deeper meaning of that book³, if you ask me). And I know, somehow deep down, that the more I'd be rooting for these friends, helping them go further, the more I'd be moving forward/up as well, taken in by the positive storm. [1]: envy is “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.” [2]: Part of my (personal) research on human nature, motivations, "what makes us do what we do". [3]: How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie

newswasboring 7y ago
Honestly speaking, as english is not my first language, I confused the two words. I thought envious means to want to deprive others of what they have. I guess then I may have confused some people, I am envious but I think it doesn't detract from my overall point. The word in my language would literally translate as desire but it's more than that, it would mean more like I would like to have that and it feels bad that I don't even have the opportunity to have it. I would definitely say this lack of even the opportunity to do this makes me feel despair. I can try as hard as I want, but some things are just out of my control, some truths about my life were written even before I was born. I honestly cannot muster up the strength to derive inspiration or motivation from these, because those things are relevant for things which are possible.
- K0SM0S 7y ago
  Rest assured that jalousy and envy are actually often confused my many people, even in one's own language. ;-) > The word in my language would literally translate as desire but it's more than that, it would mean more like I would like to have that and it feels bad that I don't even have the opportunity to have it. Yeah, OK, I get it. That's a very good word (the one in your language). I think it's a rather universal feeling, this "invisible ceiling". Many people feel that for various reasons. There's a certain school of thought, somewhere between philosophy and spirituality, that speaks of "abundance", and beyond (or perhaps before, on the way) of "inner peace" or "inner happiness". The oldest forms I know are Stoicism (western cultures) and Zen (eastern cultures), and you'll find it nowadays in e.g. Tony Robbins, that kind of field. I think there's truth in it that just works, at least it did for me (took me about 35 years to figure it out though, as it's just totally outside the realm of "education" nowadays¹, unfortunately IMHO). One mechanism that I've always found to be true, is that from the depth of our biggest despair comes our symmetrical potential for joy, and vice-versa. It takes knowing how good/bad it gets to really feel how worse/better it is, or rather goes. It's certainly trying on one side, but invaluably rewarding on the other. [1]: at least in most of the western world, afaik.

by K0SM0S 7y ago

newswasboring 7y ago

Honestly speaking, as english is not my first language, I confused the two words. I thought envious means to want to deprive others of what they have. I guess then I may have confused some people, I am envious but I think it doesn't detract from my overall point. The word in my language would literally translate as desire but it's more than that, it would mean more like I would like to have that and it feels bad that I don't even have the opportunity to have it. I would definitely say this lack of even the opportunity to do this makes me feel despair. I can try as hard as I want, but some things are just out of my control, some truths about my life were written even before I was born. I honestly cannot muster up the strength to derive inspiration or motivation from these, because those things are relevant for things which are possible.

K0SM0S 7y ago
Rest assured that jalousy and envy are actually often confused my many people, even in one's own language. ;-) > The word in my language would literally translate as desire but it's more than that, it would mean more like I would like to have that and it feels bad that I don't even have the opportunity to have it. Yeah, OK, I get it. That's a very good word (the one in your language). I think it's a rather universal feeling, this "invisible ceiling". Many people feel that for various reasons. There's a certain school of thought, somewhere between philosophy and spirituality, that speaks of "abundance", and beyond (or perhaps before, on the way) of "inner peace" or "inner happiness". The oldest forms I know are Stoicism (western cultures) and Zen (eastern cultures), and you'll find it nowadays in e.g. Tony Robbins, that kind of field. I think there's truth in it that just works, at least it did for me (took me about 35 years to figure it out though, as it's just totally outside the realm of "education" nowadays¹, unfortunately IMHO). One mechanism that I've always found to be true, is that from the depth of our biggest despair comes our symmetrical potential for joy, and vice-versa. It takes knowing how good/bad it gets to really feel how worse/better it is, or rather goes. It's certainly trying on one side, but invaluably rewarding on the other. [1]: at least in most of the western world, afaik.