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For me that doesn't work because then I learn that "yeah you say just walking but we both know it will end up in running." What works instead is I promise I wil

• bipson 7y ago
  Huh? You have a weird "relationship" with yourself. I never did not trust myself anymore if I did more reps than I "promised" myself before. Would a child ever grow distrust against her parents if she changes her mind and wants to do more dishes than initially asked for and they allow her to do it?
  • bogdanoff_2 7y ago
    If it were the parent that said "now that you're at it, finish washing the rest of the dishes," then yes, the child would grow distrustful. So the trick I guess is managing which part of your inner monologue is the child and which is the parent. I've been experimenting with telling myself "now that I'm at the gym, I'm really enjoying it, I'm really grateful that you dragged me out."
• maroonblazer 7y ago
  I guess I'm in the middle. Sometimes "just walking" is actually just walking. Sometimes it turns into running. I have no expectations about where the initial push eventually leads, which makes it easier to take that initial push. I prefer this approach as it ultimately results in a greater output than forcing myself to stop at some prior agreed point I made with myself but would now prefer to renegotiate.
• Ajef 7y ago
  This approach is interesting to me as it would have not crossed my mind. I view goals I set myself as a minimum I of what I want to do. Doing more, because I feel like it, is a bonus that I think adds to the feeling of accomplishment. I guess the main difference is that I actually want to do these things and just have to overcome the hurdle of starting while you describe them as "doing something you don't want to".
• cgriswald 7y ago
  I think the problem you have is that you don't know which 'you' is making the decisions. Let's call the 'tricking' you 'You' and the one you are tricking 'Body-You'. Then here is how the conversation goes: You: "Time to get up and run." Body-You: "Oh hell no. I'm tired. Plus we did a good job yesterday. And we have a lot to do today. Also, we don't want to over do it do we?" You: (sighs) "Fine. Let's at least walk for 30 minutes." Body-You (sighs): "Ugh. Fine." 10 minutes of walking pass. Body-You: "This feels great! Let's run." You: "Okay." ... First notice that You said, "at least." You is not lying. If, at minute 30, Body-You is like "Ugh, still no," You can capitulate. Second, notice that it is Body-You that makes the decision to turn it into a run. In your version, Body-You never gets what it wants. Both times You has to control the situation. The first time, to start the run, the second time, to enforce a more-or-less arbitrary contract for the sake of the contract, even though both parties want a new contract.
  • tripzilch 7y ago
    I feel the same thing Valakas is describing. Which of the "you"'s is remembering the next time, "yeah but 30 minutes that's not how it went last time"? (also, I don't think body-you would say "we have a lot to do today"?)
    • cgriswald 7y ago
      Body-You will say anything to get what it wants, including “We don’t have time.” I’m calling it Body-You but, at least for me, it’s really a collection of parts of my mind that are against the action. As for the “lying”, Body-You knows it is not a lie but doesn’t care. If You believes You is lying, Body-You is more than happy to use that as yet another excuse.
      • NoodleIncident 7y ago
        Personally I call these two people the "Planner" and the "Doer". Neither of them start out with bad intentions, but only one of them has to actually do things in the present moment, so resentment can definitely build up between the two.
• pushpop 7y ago
  I’ve not heard of that perspective before however I’m not going to discount what you’re saying because everyone’s psychology is different. For what it’s worth, most people I know feel pride and a sense of accomplishment if they’ve found motivation to do more than they promised themselves. But as I said, everyone’s psychology is different.
• hinkley 7y ago
  One of the things about training is that you shouldn't push yourself if you're under the weather or have other stuff going on. It might be better for your narrative to be that you're only gonna walk and see how you feel.
• LeftHandPath 7y ago
  The verbal voice in your head is rationalizing. Don’t think. Just do. (If you want a good resource that synthesizes a bunch of modern psychology research relating to that suggestion into a single, entertaining non-fiction book, see “Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior” by Leonard Mlodinow [0]). [0]: https://psychcentralreviews.com/2016/subliminal-how-your-unconscious-mind-rules-your-behavior/ https://psychcentralreviews.com/2016/subliminal-how-your-unc...
• K0SM0S 7y ago
  This is one of the most important empirical "truth" I've heard, now from several prominent people in the field¹. You are, in effect, prioritizing (self-)discipline over short-term performance, learning or productivity gains. I would surmise that your bodymind² has in effect realized, learned, that compound effect is the best strategy for long-term results; and/or that systems are better than goals. The invariant requirement of any long-term strategy is enough discipline to execute it. “Never, ever break promises to yourself.” is the real lesson to learn and never forget. The usual rationale goes like this: Imagine two people, one who always does what they said they'll do, and another who never does what they said. How do you feel about the first one? Trustworthy? Reliable? Someone you can count on? Now what about the second? Empty-worded? Unreliable? Unworthy of trust? Lazy, big mouth, etc? Now consider how "you" (the "it", your third eye observing yourself) is going to feel about "you" (the "I", the one who carries all the emotional weight) if you behave like person #2 above? You need to be able to trust yourself. And this is based on facts, not words, just like how you judge anyone else. That's why it's important, critical, to pause and ponder before making any promise to yourself: make sure you won't break it, make sure you'll be excellent with your own word. Be person #1, the reliable, the trustworthy, for yourself. Give yourself the facts to back that belief, because words, well, they're empty, and you're the only one who can't lie to you. [1]: Off the top of my head, you hear it from Stephen Covey in the 7 habits (honesty with yourself), you heard it from Napoleon Hill and Dale Carnegie well before that, you heard it more recently from Brene Brown (in Daring Greatly and her TED talk on vulnerability and courage). Iirc, don't quote me on these, check twice, but the gist is correct. [2]: Bodymind = body + mind (no duality), i.e. "all of you", your being, your brain and all the things that connect it to the real world including its own, your entire body
  • AstralStorm 7y ago
    Then get ultimately crushed by the world because actually nobody but you cares about the results if the gain is small. Or you get a pat on the back, that's it. Ultimately you might also find that the end result was totally not worth the effort sunk. Or worse, there's no way to compare if you gained anything. There are only relatively few ways that do change life significantly and most of them do not take intense effort or self discipline. (I'd love you to provide examples to the contrary. I know of two: training new skills when they matter and training children and pets.)
• kbutler 7y ago
  The grandparent didn't say, "I'll just walk", but rather "I'll at least walk." Give yourself permission to only walk. That way, if you later feel like running, you can still get that extra benefit as well, without breaking some promise to yourself, and if you just feel like walking the whole time, no problem there, either. Note that if this relationship of explicitly limited commitments with yourself is preeminent, your goal should be "go out exercising each day" rather than "run 5km each day".
• triceratops 7y ago
  > because then I learn that "yeah you say just walking but we both know it will end up in running." And this doesn't motivate you? For me it's actually more motivating: I only have to muster enough willpower to start walking, not to run, but I'll end up having a good workout anyway.
  • kd5bjo 7y ago
    That’s only a motivation if you viscerally believe running to be an enjoyable activity. I have found that when starting something new, the most important (and hardest) thing is to stop while I’m still having a good time so that I associate that good feeling with the activity instead of the pain that comes from overdoing it.
    • triceratops 7y ago
      I find exercise important, and almost always feel better after doing it, even if the specific activity isn't enjoyable.
• novok 7y ago
  It's about keeping up the habit even with the most half ass effort vs no effort at all.
• cercatrova 7y ago
  I've read in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear that the solution is to only do that much time and actually just stop right afterwards, even if you want to do more. Therefore, it's at most 30 min rather than at least. This teaches you rigor and in fact motivates you more because now you know it's not actually a trick. """ The Two-Minute Rule can seem like a trick to some people. You know that the real goal is to do more than just two minutes, so it may feel like you’re trying to fool yourself. Nobody is actually aspiring to read one page or do one push-up or open their notes. And if you know it’s a mental trick, why would you fall for it? If the Two-Minute Rule feels forced, try this: do it for two minutes and then stop. Go for a run, but you must stop after two minutes. Start meditating, but you must stop after two minutes. Study Arabic, but you must stop after two minutes. It’s not a strategy for starting, it’s the whole thing. Your habit can only last one hundred and twenty seconds. One of my readers used this strategy to lose over one hundred pounds. In the beginning, he went to the gym each day, but he told himself he wasn’t allowed to stay for more than five minutes. He would go to the gym, exercise for five minutes, and leave as soon as his time was up. After a few weeks, he looked around and thought, “Well, I’m always coming here anyway. I might as well start staying a little longer.” A few years later, the weight was gone. """ From https://jamesclear.com/how-to-stop-procrastinating https://jamesclear.com/how-to-stop-procrastinating
• chetanbhasin 7y ago
  I have been experimenting with something similar, and in my experience how you think about "promising yourself" makes a lot of difference. If I thought that I'm going to row 2k instead of 5k, I am not telling myself that today I am going to row less, but that it's okay to just do 2k instead of 5k if I feel like it. I did not make myself the promise of rowing less, but the promise of allowing myself of settling for less. That way, if I feel like doing extra 3k (or even an extra 0.5k) I can, but I don't feel forced. That seems to have worked very well for me, but I've also noticed that it works as long as I remain in the flow. After my vacation, for example, it took me a couple of weeks to bring me back to that mindset.
• taneq 7y ago
  You need to be more truthful with yourself, then! :P My "I'll just do 10 reps" always comes with an implicit "but I can do more if I feel like it." Then if I'm feeling strong and have another rep or two left, I'm allowed to do them.