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This will be long and may backfire. I apologise if it's not as constructive or straightforward (I am at my limit). I have been a completely useless shut in for

This will be long and may backfire. I apologise if it's not as constructive or straightforward (I am at my limit). I have been a completely useless shut in for the past 6 months. In August, my PC's motherboards PCI slot stopped working (b350 from Asus). I wasn't and still am not in a position to fix it. I have a 10 year old laptop which barely works for anything even with just debian + i3wm. I can't do much on it except reading. Before that, I used to contribute on GitHub occasionally and code stuff. I dropped out of high school in the starting of 2019 after well, sudden "accidents". It wasn't a hard decision by then. I had given up on formal education temporary, I focused on getting long due medical help and support. I had to do it all myself again, being burnt already it was pretty hard to carry yourself to doctors and then filter through fraud [0]. There is a major lack of good healthcare where I live, especially related to mental health even by national standards. I experienced a few disappointing appointments which resulted in bit of superstition, horrible shaming and ignorance. I changed and traveled around - got ton of pills prescribed at the end and that's it. Nothing helped much and I gave up on that temporary. I also had other piled up issues including physical health concerns from years of ... Before I actually decided to act last year, I was also cured by religious ramblings and stuff for last 3 years and negligence for past 8 years. There is bit of antisocial behaviour due to my dad locking me up inside house most of the time throughout my childhood and early teens. Anyways, I tried to move multiple times in the past through boarding school or other ways. My family eh...you know. I had to hop around 7 schools just so I will give up on some ideas and be tired. I didn't drop out of school plainly out of how horrible that environment is (I was beaten up, shamed and couldn't handle normal interaction because it seemed toxic). You are forced to write notebooks of literal gibberish and then be graded down, punished for actually doing anything right. One example from my IT teacher, I was marked down, vilified and then told to stand outside the class because I asked why she marked me down on a simple question (example of ISPs). She said chrome and firefox are ISPs. This happened too frequently... I don't think I have learnt one single thing from school other than bullshitting and licking to the authority. I could take it but then I developed servere anxiety, body dysphoria and bipolar. The amount of things to handle increased exponentially. My family is malfunctioned. Other than providing food and bit of cash, they won't do anything I think or have done so far. They all have problematic backgrounds. My dad especially, after losing his wife and few kids. I think this will spread more light - https://notably.cc/#/note?id=oz9fMjsOa https://notably.cc/#/note?id=oz9fMjsOa The environment is pretty shit. Not much expected though. Most people seem obnoxious, highly religious, ignorant and are hostile. Body dysphoria or mental health isn't taken very healthily here... I am legally not hirable and there aren't any jobs here. I have done some freelance work in the past (still have Bitcoins left in my wallet). After stagnation and lot of koolaid, I looked out for startup opportunity because nothing else made sense and I need-ed money to get any help or even move forward. You can notice it from my first thread here - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21853500 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21853500 I cooked some landing pages, put forms in different places to validate and find market fit. As a recent example, I put a shitty web page for another thing (it's incomplete)(https://ideacrate.xyz https://ideacrate.xyz). I had a list of things I wanted to validate (there's many. You wanna join my trello?)- something to automate invitation creation and sending them via physical or electronic means (there is already YC startup solving one problem - https://www.inkit.com https://www.inkit.com) Making it easier for developers to start up ad campaign pages and validate their products without having to use a terrible UI builder or go through hoops. MDX + static export with netlify as cdn, stripe integration and custom jsx components. I thought I could get in good school back later when I have money and had moved to a better place. (There is GED equivalent here, I did fill out form for that.) Basically, get CS or equivalent in future. Ultimately I am giving up for now on everything even if I want to try something. There's just no way. I don't feel much regret from having to shot down any goals or dreams. I have done that multiple times... Exhausted in every way possible. I don't have any friends since last year (except online ones) and I haven't talked much to my family or anyone really irl. 0] https://www.who.int/hrh/resources/16058health_workforce_India.pdf https://www.who.int/hrh/resources/16058health_workforce_Indi...

pmoriarty 7y ago
Thank you for your detailed reply. It seems that you have all sorts of issues in your life that go far beyond your location in a rural, third world area, and probably won't be solved simply by moving somewhere else -- though having some local job opportunities might help. I fully understand and can relate to what you're going through. One thing I've been recently been getting really interested in that might help those for whom more conventional approaches have failed is psychedelic therapy (particularly with ayahuasca, MDMA, and psylocibin). I'm not sure if any of that is available where you are, but it might be worth looking in to, or maybe in to some kind of shamanic/traditional healing approaches. The other thing I'm not quite sure about is if these approaches would be counterindicated for someone with bipolar disorder. I'd definitely be careful and read as much as possible about anything you might be considering, and only doing these things (should you decide to do them) under well respected and experienced guides. Something else to consider is adopting a regular meditation practice. That could help deal with stress and many of the struggles you're encountering. Exercise could help too, as it often provides energy and boosts mood. Also, I think making deep, meaningful connections with people is important. They could help support you emotionally and provide opportunities for you, and you might also be able to help them. Aiding others and being of service can be very healing and can help with self-esteem and fulfillment. You can make a difference in people's lives, and that can help lead to something and open avenues for you that are unpredictable for you at this point. I know you said the people in your area don't seem very likeable to you, but there could be some good, interesting people among them, and it could be worth the effort of seeking them out. Also, often appearances can be deceiving, and someone who might seem off-putting at first glance might have more to them, and that hidden depth could be revealed if you got to know them better. Finally, I know that when we're really down it's very difficult to do anything and we are strongly tempted to just give up. This tendency is made worse by focusing on the negative things in the world and in our lives. I think this is something like a very negative version of self-hypnosis, where we convince ourselves that things are hopeless and getting worse and worse and worse. It's important for us to shift this sort of self-hypnosis in to the opposite direction.. not in a polyannaish, unrealistically optimistic way, but in a way that helps rather than hurts. Try to focus on what you have that you are grateful for, on the positive things in your situation and in yourself, and on the opportunities in the world around you. I wish you the best.

pmoriarty 7y ago

Thank you for your detailed reply. It seems that you have all sorts of issues in your life that go far beyond your location in a rural, third world area, and probably won't be solved simply by moving somewhere else -- though having some local job opportunities might help. I fully understand and can relate to what you're going through. One thing I've been recently been getting really interested in that might help those for whom more conventional approaches have failed is psychedelic therapy (particularly with ayahuasca, MDMA, and psylocibin). I'm not sure if any of that is available where you are, but it might be worth looking in to, or maybe in to some kind of shamanic/traditional healing approaches. The other thing I'm not quite sure about is if these approaches would be counterindicated for someone with bipolar disorder. I'd definitely be careful and read as much as possible about anything you might be considering, and only doing these things (should you decide to do them) under well respected and experienced guides. Something else to consider is adopting a regular meditation practice. That could help deal with stress and many of the struggles you're encountering. Exercise could help too, as it often provides energy and boosts mood. Also, I think making deep, meaningful connections with people is important. They could help support you emotionally and provide opportunities for you, and you might also be able to help them. Aiding others and being of service can be very healing and can help with self-esteem and fulfillment. You can make a difference in people's lives, and that can help lead to something and open avenues for you that are unpredictable for you at this point. I know you said the people in your area don't seem very likeable to you, but there could be some good, interesting people among them, and it could be worth the effort of seeking them out. Also, often appearances can be deceiving, and someone who might seem off-putting at first glance might have more to them, and that hidden depth could be revealed if you got to know them better. Finally, I know that when we're really down it's very difficult to do anything and we are strongly tempted to just give up. This tendency is made worse by focusing on the negative things in the world and in our lives. I think this is something like a very negative version of self-hypnosis, where we convince ourselves that things are hopeless and getting worse and worse and worse. It's important for us to shift this sort of self-hypnosis in to the opposite direction.. not in a polyannaish, unrealistically optimistic way, but in a way that helps rather than hurts. Try to focus on what you have that you are grateful for, on the positive things in your situation and in yourself, and on the opportunities in the world around you. I wish you the best.