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>I have amazing executive control (I have suffered incredible emotional and physical pain over the last decade but I have never shed a tear in that time. not t

by serf 7y ago

>I have amazing executive control (I have suffered incredible emotional and physical pain over the last decade but I have never shed a tear in that time. not to offend, but that doesn't define executive control to me. Generally it's not unhealthy to cry during emotionally turbulent episodes in your life; it's (crying) a method by which you're controlling your stress. Those i've met that don't cry tend to have longer periods between emotional 'episodes', but tend to act out much more aggressively. I tend to think that the supression of emotions does little to satisfy our need to express them, it just puts them on the backburner until they finally boil over much more violently than normal. Another point, by which i'm not trying to offend you personally : is it healthy to villanize alcohol? It seems that would take the responsibility away from your father, when in reality he's the one who abused a substance that plenty of people can enjoy casually without issue. I'm glad your coping with whatever methods you find that work personally, but I think that in a general sense that it is self-damaging to damn things in life based off of the experiences of others. Of course, that doesn't apply to suicidal ventures, but to avoiding common things in life.

bitexploder 7y ago
My mother is an alcoholic, so I can offer some perspective, perhaps. It is a disease. I can tell for sure I have the same addictive tendencies, I have just had much better success aiming it at healthier outlets. It is fine for the alcohol to exist, plenty of people drink it socially, but it is a drug where very little good comes from it. It has limited medicinal use and significant long term impact like many recreational drugs. When you grow up seeing a parent either under it, it is very easy to be resentful at them and the alcohol. It isn’t crazy to just wish the stuff never existed. Maybe they would never have taken that first drink that set them on that path. At some point early in the process of alcoholism there is definitely an element of choice. If you catch it too late it becomes a full blown disease where the agency of the person with it is significantly reduced. They often need outside help to quit. Some common things in life truly are better just being avoided. So, I get the grandparent poster. It is armor to protect against the highly negative outcome of alcohol and alcoholism.
allovernow 7y ago
>Generally it's not unhealthy to cry during emotionally turbulent episodes in your life; it's (crying) a method by which you're controlling your stress This is modern pseudoscientific nonsense, born in part of institutional crises in academia. >Those i've met that don't cry tend to have longer periods between emotional 'episodes', but tend to act out much more aggressively. This is blatant projection of personal bias. Some people, men in particular, deal with emotions stoically. It's a perfectly valid approach, eastern philosophy has been teaching meditation to a similar end for thousands of years, not to mention this particular gender norm existed until very recent time, while we built civilization. I challenge you to cite a reproducible, unbiased study that rigorously demonstrates the necessity of crying for all, or at least a sizable majority of, people. The trouble is you're dealing with the softest of sciences, one which is particularly vulnerable to bias from institutional dogma.
- tunesmith 7y ago
  I don't think you need studies. Look at who crying hurts, and who crying helps. Crying alone is fairly costless, what are you wasting, time? What's the harm? But it's easy to find anecdata of how crying helps - stress relief, greater self-compassion, and the realizations that come afterwards.
- TaylorAlexander 7y ago
  I think it is true that it is not unhealthy to cry. Perhaps some people do not need to cry, but I don't think avoiding crying is an indication of more executive control. I cry all the time, because I'm not trying to avoid it. It feels good to cry for me.
  - yibg 7y ago
    I do try not to cry in front of other people and for the most part succeed. When alone though some times I do cry (eg watching a sad movie), because the effort to hold it in doesn’t seem to be worth it. But the thing is I don’t feel better having cried. Often times I actually feel worse, like a positive feedback loop. The crying makes me feel worse so I cry more which makes me feel worse still and so on.

by serf 7y ago

bitexploder 7y ago

My mother is an alcoholic, so I can offer some perspective, perhaps. It is a disease. I can tell for sure I have the same addictive tendencies, I have just had much better success aiming it at healthier outlets. It is fine for the alcohol to exist, plenty of people drink it socially, but it is a drug where very little good comes from it. It has limited medicinal use and significant long term impact like many recreational drugs. When you grow up seeing a parent either under it, it is very easy to be resentful at them and the alcohol. It isn’t crazy to just wish the stuff never existed. Maybe they would never have taken that first drink that set them on that path. At some point early in the process of alcoholism there is definitely an element of choice. If you catch it too late it becomes a full blown disease where the agency of the person with it is significantly reduced. They often need outside help to quit. Some common things in life truly are better just being avoided. So, I get the grandparent poster. It is armor to protect against the highly negative outcome of alcohol and alcoholism.

allovernow 7y ago

>Generally it's not unhealthy to cry during emotionally turbulent episodes in your life; it's (crying) a method by which you're controlling your stress This is modern pseudoscientific nonsense, born in part of institutional crises in academia. >Those i've met that don't cry tend to have longer periods between emotional 'episodes', but tend to act out much more aggressively. This is blatant projection of personal bias. Some people, men in particular, deal with emotions stoically. It's a perfectly valid approach, eastern philosophy has been teaching meditation to a similar end for thousands of years, not to mention this particular gender norm existed until very recent time, while we built civilization. I challenge you to cite a reproducible, unbiased study that rigorously demonstrates the necessity of crying for all, or at least a sizable majority of, people. The trouble is you're dealing with the softest of sciences, one which is particularly vulnerable to bias from institutional dogma.

tunesmith 7y ago
I don't think you need studies. Look at who crying hurts, and who crying helps. Crying alone is fairly costless, what are you wasting, time? What's the harm? But it's easy to find anecdata of how crying helps - stress relief, greater self-compassion, and the realizations that come afterwards.
TaylorAlexander 7y ago
I think it is true that it is not unhealthy to cry. Perhaps some people do not need to cry, but I don't think avoiding crying is an indication of more executive control. I cry all the time, because I'm not trying to avoid it. It feels good to cry for me.
- yibg 7y ago
  I do try not to cry in front of other people and for the most part succeed. When alone though some times I do cry (eg watching a sad movie), because the effort to hold it in doesn’t seem to be worth it. But the thing is I don’t feel better having cried. Often times I actually feel worse, like a positive feedback loop. The crying makes me feel worse so I cry more which makes me feel worse still and so on.