I agree, parents do not have 'total' control over their kids, but they have to ensure their well-being, get medical care in cases of illness (physical, mental).

I agree, parents do not have 'total' control over their kids, but they have to ensure their well-being, get medical care in cases of illness (physical, mental). If they neglect that responsibility, they are as equally responsible for any outcome, "your mileage might vary" depending what laws your state has. Same goes for engineers, they cannot completely control the durability of, say, steel, hence they cannot be held accountable for bad quality of steel (except for poor judgement buying cheap/bad steel). But someone else is responsible for quality. And so on. So, yes, with untested scenarios (like "secret orders") responsibility fall into the hands of those who imposed the orders and omitted crucial tests. It's not even the engineers fault anymore.