I suspect you have a very warped view of Thailand -- and of course Thai people are not going to order vastly overpriced pad Thai at the best hotels in Bangkok,

I suspect you have a very warped view of Thailand -- and of course Thai people are not going to order vastly overpriced pad Thai at the best hotels in Bangkok, because they know where to get better versions for a tenth the price. I used to work at the HSBC tower on Sathorn, in the heart of Bangkok's financial district. There was a simple open-air shack just outside that served (IMHO) the best pad Thai I've ever had at 25 baht a plate, and the place was packed every day with everybody from suited bankers and lawyers to tuk-tuk drivers. I don't think I ever saw another farang on there though. Also, proper pad Thai is not spicy, like all noodle dishes in Thailand it's supposed to be served with condiments (chili flakes, phrik kii nuu in fish sauce, sugar, ground peanuts) so you can tweak the flavors to your liking.