I think rather than focus on your problem of not knowing, I would suggest you take stock of what you do know and find value in that. You mentioned that you star

I think rather than focus on your problem of not knowing, I would suggest you take stock of what you do know and find value in that. You mentioned that you started out at the bottom and have worked your way up, maybe it's time to pay forward the opportunity that was given to you. Find someone that is just starting out and give them a boost, maybe help them understand something they are struggling with. IMHO Nothing will make you feel better, and also reinforce your understanding than helping someone else learn something you know. I would also look to someone higher up than yourself and reach out for help in learning something your having trouble with, most people will go the extra mile to share their knowledge for the reason I gave above.