Yeah true. I thought about this a lot and I think it is an expression of some inner nihilism and a self-destructive habit. By trying to focus on something creat

Yeah true. I thought about this a lot and I think it is an expression of some inner nihilism and a self-destructive habit. By trying to focus on something creative and doing a good job, I can put the nihilism at bay and thus my desire to self-destruct through drinking is reduced.