5 ms·

> That or these jobs turn interesting people into those who believe they should be magnets for the opposite sex, which tends to be a turn-off for most people.

by wmil 7y ago

> That or these jobs turn interesting people into those who believe they should be magnets for the opposite sex, which tends to be a turn-off for most people. Tech selects for people who are object focussed as opposed to people focussed. Most women prefer to date men who are good at wooing and entertaining them. Which means more people focussed than object focussed. The tech men are frustrated because they are basically their best selves -- financially and professionally successful, able and willing to support a family. Traditionally that would be enough to make them a catch. But dating women with careers limits the value of their financial support. And they don't have the skills to wow the women socially. Realistically they can't develop those skills easily. This is probably going to sound incredibly cynical, but the best advice I've heard for NYC techies is to try to date ballerinas. They're beautiful and disciplined. But they retire before 30 and have to decide to either start a family or open a studio to start teaching. At that point most of the men they know are married or gay. So likely to be more willing to overlook the social weaknesses of tech men.

grepory 7y ago
Don Quixote appears from behind the curtain up stage left--his left arm confidently and lustily on his right hip, right arm arcing gracefully over his head like half a rainbow. There's so much going on in this response, but my favorite parts, in order of appearance: > The tech men are frustrated because they are basically their best selves The tech men are frustrated because of entitlement. Handed everything on a silver platter hand-delivered to them by a person of color driving a rented Toyota Prius for half of their monthly income. > This is probably going to sound incredibly cynical, but the best advice I've heard for NYC techies is to try to date ballerinas. Leave my goddamn ballerinas alone. > But they retire before 30 and have to decide to either start a family or open a studio to start teaching. Most of the people I dance with are software engineers of one kind or another. San Francisco may be somewhat unique in that regard--I wouldn't know, but most of the dancers I know both professional and retired are insanely enterprising and know how to hustle better than most of the people I know in tech. > At that point most of the men they know are married or gay. Most of the men I know that dance both professionally and at an amateur level do not identify as gay--some have families--with other dancers. > So likely to be more willing to overlook the social weaknesses of tech men. Nope. It's _impossible_ to overlook the social weaknesses of tech men.
mcphage 7y ago
> The tech men are frustrated because they are basically their best selves > And they don't have the skills to wow the women socially. Your standard of what qualifies as a man's "best self" is pretty low.
mk30 7y ago
"Realistically they can't develop those skills easily." software skills can't be developed easily either, yet programmers have powered through, persevered, and figured it out. where would programmers be if they shied away from skills they couldn't develop easily? also, if you have underdeveloped social skills, you are not 'basically your best self'. i believe in the tech men! i believe that they can put their cleverness & perseverance to work developing their social skills! you can do it!

by wmil 7y ago

grepory 7y ago

Don Quixote appears from behind the curtain up stage left--his left arm confidently and lustily on his right hip, right arm arcing gracefully over his head like half a rainbow. There's so much going on in this response, but my favorite parts, in order of appearance: > The tech men are frustrated because they are basically their best selves The tech men are frustrated because of entitlement. Handed everything on a silver platter hand-delivered to them by a person of color driving a rented Toyota Prius for half of their monthly income. > This is probably going to sound incredibly cynical, but the best advice I've heard for NYC techies is to try to date ballerinas. Leave my goddamn ballerinas alone. > But they retire before 30 and have to decide to either start a family or open a studio to start teaching. Most of the people I dance with are software engineers of one kind or another. San Francisco may be somewhat unique in that regard--I wouldn't know, but most of the dancers I know both professional and retired are insanely enterprising and know how to hustle better than most of the people I know in tech. > At that point most of the men they know are married or gay. Most of the men I know that dance both professionally and at an amateur level do not identify as gay--some have families--with other dancers. > So likely to be more willing to overlook the social weaknesses of tech men. Nope. It's _impossible_ to overlook the social weaknesses of tech men.

mcphage 7y ago

> The tech men are frustrated because they are basically their best selves > And they don't have the skills to wow the women socially. Your standard of what qualifies as a man's "best self" is pretty low.

mk30 7y ago

"Realistically they can't develop those skills easily." software skills can't be developed easily either, yet programmers have powered through, persevered, and figured it out. where would programmers be if they shied away from skills they couldn't develop easily? also, if you have underdeveloped social skills, you are not 'basically your best self'. i believe in the tech men! i believe that they can put their cleverness & perseverance to work developing their social skills! you can do it!