5 ms·

cash is a good present only when the giver is sufficiently wealthy that they can give you a meaningful amount of it without expecting you to respond in kind. wh

cash is a good present only when the giver is sufficiently wealthy that they can give you a meaningful amount of it without expecting you to respond in kind. when people give me cash I tend to just put it in my pocket and forget about it, spending it down on random daily expenses. when someone gives me a gift card, I usually buy a specific item that I will then associate with that person and think of them when I use it. I'd rather get cash from my proverbial rich uncle, but I'd prefer a gift card from a friend. honestly my favorite way to exchange presents with friends is just to tell each other exactly what we want. then we each get a useful thing that reminds us of our friendship.

ljm 7y ago
As I ended my first post with, I’d take no gift at all over any of that. I’d rather have a good memory or a connection. For the most part Christmas gifts are about balancing an equation by buying each other shit you don’t need and then hoping your spend cancels each other out. If it doesn’t, resentment and drama. You can both spend/save the exact same money together by buying nothing. Club together on food, drinks, hospitality. Get some good ingredients and booze, some stuff for the kids, and then help make it happen. Don’t bother trading things you would have already bought yourself. Unless you’re a child.
- JohnFen 7y ago
  > As I ended my first post with, I’d take no gift at all over any of that. I’d rather have a good memory or a connection. I agree entirely with this. This is why my social circle (and most of my family) has a "no gifts" rule around gift-giving holidays and events (children excepted). But not everyone follows that.
  - ljm 7y ago
    I tried it with my family and they still insisted on offering gifts. I couldn’t take them in good conscience and eventually I left that family, I’m happier now than I was playing their game. The only time I do gifts now are because I genuinely, altruistically, want to share something.
    - JohnFen 7y ago
      > The only time I do gifts now are because I genuinely, altruistically, want to share something. And that is the sort of gift that actually has meaning! I frequently give gifts to my friends and family, but rarely around some sort of event. It happens when I see something that I know a particular person would love, so I get it and give it to them. I think that makes the gift truly meaningful. Not because its actually personalized, but because it demonstrates that I was thinking about them at a time when I was not expected to be.
ALittleLight 7y ago
What's the point of telling each other exactly what you want and buying the other's thing? Seems like just swapping the chore of purchase to me. In my family, for Christmas, everyone fills out a short questionnaire (hobbies, goals, what are you learning, where are you going, favorite authors/genres) then we use the questionnaires to guide gift giving. This way, there's still room for creativity and thoughtfulness in gift giving, but it's guided by the responses. Plus, it's fun to read everyone's answers and you can give gifts that line up with multi-year trends after a while.
- Andrex 7y ago
  If it works for you, all the more power, but this sounds about as warm and loving as a chemistry test. If we boiled everything down to sheer logic we wouldn't celebrate Christmas at all. The point isn't necessarily what makes the most "sense," it's about tradition and good feelings.
- nkrisc 7y ago
  Agreed, what's the point, indeed? My wife and I have just forgone buying gifts for each other entirely, unless one of us happens to think of something that would just be perfect for the other, without any calendar restriction. But we no longer feel like we have to buy something for the other on some arbitrary date looks like a birthday or holiday. It's so freeing. Bonus: we have less stuff in our house. Trying to implement this with my extended family. We still but gifts for the kids though, they enjoy it.
- leetcrew 7y ago
  the point is you think of the other person when you use their gift. it makes an item that would have been mundane, had you purchased it for yourself, a little more special. your system sounds nice too though, just a little more effort than I want to put in.

ljm 7y ago

As I ended my first post with, I’d take no gift at all over any of that. I’d rather have a good memory or a connection. For the most part Christmas gifts are about balancing an equation by buying each other shit you don’t need and then hoping your spend cancels each other out. If it doesn’t, resentment and drama. You can both spend/save the exact same money together by buying nothing. Club together on food, drinks, hospitality. Get some good ingredients and booze, some stuff for the kids, and then help make it happen. Don’t bother trading things you would have already bought yourself. Unless you’re a child.

JohnFen 7y ago
> As I ended my first post with, I’d take no gift at all over any of that. I’d rather have a good memory or a connection. I agree entirely with this. This is why my social circle (and most of my family) has a "no gifts" rule around gift-giving holidays and events (children excepted). But not everyone follows that.
- ljm 7y ago
  I tried it with my family and they still insisted on offering gifts. I couldn’t take them in good conscience and eventually I left that family, I’m happier now than I was playing their game. The only time I do gifts now are because I genuinely, altruistically, want to share something.
  - JohnFen 7y ago
    > The only time I do gifts now are because I genuinely, altruistically, want to share something. And that is the sort of gift that actually has meaning! I frequently give gifts to my friends and family, but rarely around some sort of event. It happens when I see something that I know a particular person would love, so I get it and give it to them. I think that makes the gift truly meaningful. Not because its actually personalized, but because it demonstrates that I was thinking about them at a time when I was not expected to be.

ALittleLight 7y ago

What's the point of telling each other exactly what you want and buying the other's thing? Seems like just swapping the chore of purchase to me. In my family, for Christmas, everyone fills out a short questionnaire (hobbies, goals, what are you learning, where are you going, favorite authors/genres) then we use the questionnaires to guide gift giving. This way, there's still room for creativity and thoughtfulness in gift giving, but it's guided by the responses. Plus, it's fun to read everyone's answers and you can give gifts that line up with multi-year trends after a while.

Andrex 7y ago
If it works for you, all the more power, but this sounds about as warm and loving as a chemistry test. If we boiled everything down to sheer logic we wouldn't celebrate Christmas at all. The point isn't necessarily what makes the most "sense," it's about tradition and good feelings.
nkrisc 7y ago
Agreed, what's the point, indeed? My wife and I have just forgone buying gifts for each other entirely, unless one of us happens to think of something that would just be perfect for the other, without any calendar restriction. But we no longer feel like we have to buy something for the other on some arbitrary date looks like a birthday or holiday. It's so freeing. Bonus: we have less stuff in our house. Trying to implement this with my extended family. We still but gifts for the kids though, they enjoy it.
leetcrew 7y ago
the point is you think of the other person when you use their gift. it makes an item that would have been mundane, had you purchased it for yourself, a little more special. your system sounds nice too though, just a little more effort than I want to put in.