8 ms·

"If you stay at Google, make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life. If I'd've stayed, I could have comfortably raised some kids with my

"If you stay at Google, make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life. If I'd've stayed, I could have comfortably raised some kids with my wife by now - but that's still on the todo list." THIS all the way. When we are young, we think that we will be remembered by the company that we worked for and the people that we worked with. The sad truth is that in 99.9999% none of those people will remember you the second you walk out the door. The family you raise will remember and love you though. I'm in my 40s and got fired a very cushy job like OP has. The reason was cause I wanted to challenge myself and I worked myself into early alcoholism which resulted in my dismissal. My co-workers don't call, the company doesn't call, they don't care. My marriage broken up cause of the job and me wanting to pursue my so called dream. I'm alone and will most likely die alone this year by my own hand since the pain is too much bare sometimes. I miss my wife and my little Pomeranian terribly. OP... if you want challenge in your life, challenge yourself to being a good partner to someone in a marriage and raise some kids, get a Pomeranian :) Have something in this world that will truly appreciate and remember you when you are gone. "I never saw a tombstone that read. 'If I had only worked more'"

lordgrenville 7y ago
I encourage you to reach out to others in the same place - r/SuicideWatch/ is a good place to start. I don't know you or what you've been through but I am certain there are things in your life that are still worth living for.
bixcoito 7y ago
Just the act to say loud everything you got trough and what you think is a step to move forward. Be strong and the light to share the others what you did wrong and find the path to make you happy. Hanging in there buddy :)
jc174 7y ago
Sending you a lot of love, friend. There are a lot of resources for help out there just to have someone to talk to: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org for example.
snickell 7y ago
Hey brother, I've been in some rough places too. Wanna talk? Might not feel like you do... but some chance you'll feel 5% better after. I'll be up for another hour, feel free to email me on a temp email and I'll write back from my real: aloha@janmail.org
watwut 7y ago
There is middle ground between being slacker who don't even learn and overworking yourself to the point of ineffectivity (alcoholism is definitely there). It is quite possible to have familly, care about them and spend time with them and not be either.
ishi 7y ago
Dude, you are still young! You made some mistakes in the first half of your life, but your second half can be better due to the experience you gained. There are lots of people who start a second relationship in their 40s, after going through a divorce. And you can always adopt another dog... What I'm saying is that even though life seems bleak right now, you still have many years of happiness ahead.
marcus_holmes 7y ago
I was there. Now in my 50's with an amazing life. I'm grateful every day to my alcoholic, depressed 40-odd-year-old self who didn't kill himself. I could not have seen from there how happy I am now, and I could not have predicted the adventures I went (am going!) through to get here. Hang in there, buddy. Just keep breathing. It will change.
- at-fates-hands 7y ago
  I had the same experience my first few years out of college. Had a long relationship end, started drinking, went through several jobs and within three years found myself alone, severely depressed and an alcoholic. I contemplated suicide frequently, but held out hope my life would change if I could just get to tomorrow. My life started feeling like the movie "Groundhog Day". Eventually things did change, and my 30's have been a whirlwind of happiness, sobriety and a GF who loves me unconditionally for me. Like you said, if I knew this is where the black hole I fell into would lead to, I would've pushed harder to get sober, try harder to put myself back together sooner. But I'm here now and am grateful I held out and often think about this wonderful life I almost passed on.
  - marcus_holmes 7y ago
    Of course, the "just keep breathing, it will change" is just as true for the good times, too. I try and remember every day to savour and make the most of this happiness, and be grateful for it. Because it won't last. Nothing does.
- markholmes 7y ago
  Happy to hear you're doing well. Coincidentally, you and I have very similar names.
  - marcus_holmes 7y ago
    I used to have access to the UK electoral list. In about 2003 there were 32 "Marcus Holmes" in the list. I also had their addresses. I was contemplating inviting them all to a get-together ;) I spoke to the guy who owns marcusholmes.com when I got my domain (marcusholmes.biz). Nice chap. American, of course. Maybe we should have a convention or something. Because we're obviously related. Sherlock was our great-great-uncle (at least, that's what I tell people).
pioneerpass 7y ago
A man's job, socially, civilizationally, is to toil and die. You're now effectively dead. Congrats! You can now get on with telling this shit-insane resource-hoarding monkey planet to fuck itself in the praxis of not doing any goddamned thing at all. And if you're so fucking programmed that you can't abide yourself outside the workplace or a relationship with a rat dog, you might be better off literally dead.
losthobbies 7y ago
When I had dark thoughts I went to a doctor and talked it out and it really helped. It doesn't have to be a doctor but try and talk it out with someone.
erikbye 7y ago
What was the dream you wanted to pursue?
t4nkd 7y ago
See I am pretty scared of early alcoholism because I've heard all the fun stuff is getting into alcoholism during your late 60's and early 70's. More seriously though, thank you for this comment, it made me smile.
irrational 7y ago
So true. I've worked at the same company for 18 years. I've seen lots of people move on or retire. Literally within days they are wholly forgotten or at least never mentioned again. I've never seen anyone that is not easily replaced. It has drilled into me over and over again that we are all just cogs in the machine. Even someone who has been at the company for 30 years and is celebrated when they retire is totally not missed and forgotten within days of their leaving.
solarengineer 7y ago
There can be a thousand reasons to do die, but we need just one reason to live. Since you clearly wanted to do something worthwhile with your life, do check www.drawdown.org. Do write to me if you want to talk ( sriramNRN at gmail ) . I can share a few worthwhile things that I've picked up to do for the rest of my life.
eloff 7y ago
It can be tough to have hope in the moment, but things will get better again if you hang in there, and you'll be eternally grateful to yourself for toughing it out. You'll also wonder how you could have been so pessimistic and silly to think there was no hope, you'll want to travel back in time just to slap yourself. You're young, you made some mistakes, but you learned from them. You are better off than those who still haven't learned. You have plenty of time to build a new, better life for yourself. With a new, younger wife, if that's your thing. Some people will probably take offense at that last part, but I'm not talking Epstein young, I'm just saying his ex was probably 40 something, and his new wife can be a hotter 30 something if that's important to him.
bg117 7y ago
sure you will agree that are people in this world who lead far miserable life than you. just relax and try focussing on hobbies, social/community work/... To err is human but to realize that you made mistake, you are already on the right path to a better life.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
botondus 7y ago
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such tough times. If you still have issues with alcohol use I strongly suggest you check out an Alcoholics Anonymous (https://aa.org/ https://aa.org/) group near you. Give it a chance, it will likely be very helpful. About depression/emotional pain/suicidal thoughts first of all it would be very good to see a professional (doctor / psychologist) about this, they can help you. You may also talk to a friend if you have someone you feel you can talk to. Try some daily activities that occupy your mind and/or body for a while: reading, running, walks in the park, workout in the gym, yoga, prayer. Whatever you can do. You don't have to face everything alone, it's ok to ask for help.
elwell 7y ago
My heart goes out to you. Please email me (elwell dot christopher at gmail dot com) to chat.
throaway5544333 7y ago
Hey, I've been in a same situation except that my problem was not alcoholism but an addiction to painkillers and then opiates. Lost pretty much everything due to the complete disaster I became. I was a security engineer back then and you can guess that my responsibilities didn't play nice with drug addiction. The latter arose from my chronic depression and the lack of ability to create any long-term social relationships which are not based on professional interaction. I have never had friends outside of "workplace buddies" mindset for all my 33 years of life. They were lost instantly when I left the job. I've managed to find a way in remote consulting which lets me pay the bills and have some food (I quitted drugs cold turkey two years ago). But nothing hits you harder than a feeling that it's all over and you are tamed with your loneliness, the only thing that is left is your aging you don't want to face. I can give no word of advice to you, but I want to say that I feel you. You are strong, don't let 'em get you this easy.
electrostat 7y ago
Hi there, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I too fell very hard into alcoholism while trying to balance my performance at my fairly high stress job. I won't say my alcoholism was caused by my job, it was bound to happen for me regardless of any job. Anyhow... Just logged in to say, there's a lot of us out here in the world. You're not alone. I've lost a cushy job due to it, lost more than one actually. I guess all I'll say is that it's possible to get out of that hellhole, you'll get there one day. And as someone else said, the fact that you talked about all this is a big deal. It means a lot. I'm rooting for you. If you ever want someone to talk to, let me know!
indiebeers 7y ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. If you ever need a non-judgemental stranger to talk, please feel free to message me (temp email robbrobsonnn@gmail.com) and I'll respond on my real one. Things can always get better.

lordgrenville 7y ago

I encourage you to reach out to others in the same place - r/SuicideWatch/ is a good place to start. I don't know you or what you've been through but I am certain there are things in your life that are still worth living for.

bixcoito 7y ago

Just the act to say loud everything you got trough and what you think is a step to move forward. Be strong and the light to share the others what you did wrong and find the path to make you happy. Hanging in there buddy :)

jc174 7y ago

Sending you a lot of love, friend. There are a lot of resources for help out there just to have someone to talk to: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org for example.

snickell 7y ago

Hey brother, I've been in some rough places too. Wanna talk? Might not feel like you do... but some chance you'll feel 5% better after. I'll be up for another hour, feel free to email me on a temp email and I'll write back from my real: aloha@janmail.org

watwut 7y ago

There is middle ground between being slacker who don't even learn and overworking yourself to the point of ineffectivity (alcoholism is definitely there). It is quite possible to have familly, care about them and spend time with them and not be either.

ishi 7y ago

Dude, you are still young! You made some mistakes in the first half of your life, but your second half can be better due to the experience you gained. There are lots of people who start a second relationship in their 40s, after going through a divorce. And you can always adopt another dog... What I'm saying is that even though life seems bleak right now, you still have many years of happiness ahead.

marcus_holmes 7y ago

I was there. Now in my 50's with an amazing life. I'm grateful every day to my alcoholic, depressed 40-odd-year-old self who didn't kill himself. I could not have seen from there how happy I am now, and I could not have predicted the adventures I went (am going!) through to get here. Hang in there, buddy. Just keep breathing. It will change.

at-fates-hands 7y ago
I had the same experience my first few years out of college. Had a long relationship end, started drinking, went through several jobs and within three years found myself alone, severely depressed and an alcoholic. I contemplated suicide frequently, but held out hope my life would change if I could just get to tomorrow. My life started feeling like the movie "Groundhog Day". Eventually things did change, and my 30's have been a whirlwind of happiness, sobriety and a GF who loves me unconditionally for me. Like you said, if I knew this is where the black hole I fell into would lead to, I would've pushed harder to get sober, try harder to put myself back together sooner. But I'm here now and am grateful I held out and often think about this wonderful life I almost passed on.
- marcus_holmes 7y ago
  Of course, the "just keep breathing, it will change" is just as true for the good times, too. I try and remember every day to savour and make the most of this happiness, and be grateful for it. Because it won't last. Nothing does.
markholmes 7y ago
Happy to hear you're doing well. Coincidentally, you and I have very similar names.
- marcus_holmes 7y ago
  I used to have access to the UK electoral list. In about 2003 there were 32 "Marcus Holmes" in the list. I also had their addresses. I was contemplating inviting them all to a get-together ;) I spoke to the guy who owns marcusholmes.com when I got my domain (marcusholmes.biz). Nice chap. American, of course. Maybe we should have a convention or something. Because we're obviously related. Sherlock was our great-great-uncle (at least, that's what I tell people).

pioneerpass 7y ago

A man's job, socially, civilizationally, is to toil and die. You're now effectively dead. Congrats! You can now get on with telling this shit-insane resource-hoarding monkey planet to fuck itself in the praxis of not doing any goddamned thing at all. And if you're so fucking programmed that you can't abide yourself outside the workplace or a relationship with a rat dog, you might be better off literally dead.

losthobbies 7y ago

When I had dark thoughts I went to a doctor and talked it out and it really helped. It doesn't have to be a doctor but try and talk it out with someone.

erikbye 7y ago

What was the dream you wanted to pursue?

t4nkd 7y ago

See I am pretty scared of early alcoholism because I've heard all the fun stuff is getting into alcoholism during your late 60's and early 70's. More seriously though, thank you for this comment, it made me smile.

irrational 7y ago

So true. I've worked at the same company for 18 years. I've seen lots of people move on or retire. Literally within days they are wholly forgotten or at least never mentioned again. I've never seen anyone that is not easily replaced. It has drilled into me over and over again that we are all just cogs in the machine. Even someone who has been at the company for 30 years and is celebrated when they retire is totally not missed and forgotten within days of their leaving.

solarengineer 7y ago

There can be a thousand reasons to do die, but we need just one reason to live. Since you clearly wanted to do something worthwhile with your life, do check www.drawdown.org. Do write to me if you want to talk ( sriramNRN at gmail ) . I can share a few worthwhile things that I've picked up to do for the rest of my life.

eloff 7y ago

It can be tough to have hope in the moment, but things will get better again if you hang in there, and you'll be eternally grateful to yourself for toughing it out. You'll also wonder how you could have been so pessimistic and silly to think there was no hope, you'll want to travel back in time just to slap yourself. You're young, you made some mistakes, but you learned from them. You are better off than those who still haven't learned. You have plenty of time to build a new, better life for yourself. With a new, younger wife, if that's your thing. Some people will probably take offense at that last part, but I'm not talking Epstein young, I'm just saying his ex was probably 40 something, and his new wife can be a hotter 30 something if that's important to him.

bg117 7y ago

sure you will agree that are people in this world who lead far miserable life than you. just relax and try focussing on hobbies, social/community work/... To err is human but to realize that you made mistake, you are already on the right path to a better life.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

botondus 7y ago

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such tough times. If you still have issues with alcohol use I strongly suggest you check out an Alcoholics Anonymous (https://aa.org/ https://aa.org/) group near you. Give it a chance, it will likely be very helpful. About depression/emotional pain/suicidal thoughts first of all it would be very good to see a professional (doctor / psychologist) about this, they can help you. You may also talk to a friend if you have someone you feel you can talk to. Try some daily activities that occupy your mind and/or body for a while: reading, running, walks in the park, workout in the gym, yoga, prayer. Whatever you can do. You don't have to face everything alone, it's ok to ask for help.

elwell 7y ago

My heart goes out to you. Please email me (elwell dot christopher at gmail dot com) to chat.

throaway5544333 7y ago

Hey, I've been in a same situation except that my problem was not alcoholism but an addiction to painkillers and then opiates. Lost pretty much everything due to the complete disaster I became. I was a security engineer back then and you can guess that my responsibilities didn't play nice with drug addiction. The latter arose from my chronic depression and the lack of ability to create any long-term social relationships which are not based on professional interaction. I have never had friends outside of "workplace buddies" mindset for all my 33 years of life. They were lost instantly when I left the job. I've managed to find a way in remote consulting which lets me pay the bills and have some food (I quitted drugs cold turkey two years ago). But nothing hits you harder than a feeling that it's all over and you are tamed with your loneliness, the only thing that is left is your aging you don't want to face. I can give no word of advice to you, but I want to say that I feel you. You are strong, don't let 'em get you this easy.

electrostat 7y ago

Hi there, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I too fell very hard into alcoholism while trying to balance my performance at my fairly high stress job. I won't say my alcoholism was caused by my job, it was bound to happen for me regardless of any job. Anyhow... Just logged in to say, there's a lot of us out here in the world. You're not alone. I've lost a cushy job due to it, lost more than one actually. I guess all I'll say is that it's possible to get out of that hellhole, you'll get there one day. And as someone else said, the fact that you talked about all this is a big deal. It means a lot. I'm rooting for you. If you ever want someone to talk to, let me know!

indiebeers 7y ago

I'm so sorry to hear this. If you ever need a non-judgemental stranger to talk, please feel free to message me (temp email robbrobsonnn@gmail.com) and I'll respond on my real one. Things can always get better.