5 ms·

"so-so women" Wtf dude.

olalonde 7y ago
I'm not a native speaker, didn't mean to be offensive. I just meant that there's a lot of couples where the male half seems to score quite a bit higher on attractiveness, career, appeal, etc. I should note that this observation was also shared by my wife. Changed the wording.
- watwut 7y ago
  Maybe in addition to be good looking and earning money, that dude also was not looking for trophy wife and had different preferences. Dude sounds like catch.
  - olalonde 7y ago
    I'm not talking about a specific man and physical attractiveness is just one of many aspects. In aggregate, it seems reasonable to believe that the gender imbalance causes men to lower their standards. > Dude sounds like catch. That's sort of the point.
    - watwut 7y ago
      The interesting think for me is that all discussions about relationships on hn boils down to money and looks (gym for guys, I guess makeup and diet for girls). And the idea of match is "willing to let me pay for her". There is no other standard for suitable partner ever mentioned. No expectation of shared values or similar livestyle (except valuing looks). No expectation of mutual support. And the experts on what women want are people who "dated" over dozens of people last year - meaning none of them trying for long term stable relationship. And everytime I read those discussions I kind of think I would not want to date them either. Mostly because they primary think in hierarchies instead of relationships and because I would not want a guy that would use his money as leverage over me.
      - username90 7y ago
        It gets a lot easier to understand when you realize that most women are looking for a life partner while most men are looking for a sex partner. You are more careful with life partners, so there will always be a surplus of men available for dating looking for sex, and most of them will fake looking for a life partner just to get more opportunities since there are so few women who are into the same things. This means that for you as a woman dating is first and foremost about separating life partners from sex partners. Your advice goes in that direction. But it is totally worthless for men, most women they meet will be looking for a life partner so they are not hard to find. Instead men face the problem that most women are very reluctant to date them, so men mostly need advice how to get more dates.
        watwut 7y ago
        Which would be ok if they subsequently did not complained constantly about loneliness and being single. Partner for regular sex is relationship still, as much as partner for any regular activity. And complained about women they date being primary interested in them paying for them. Like, he trying to attract her primary on money, who is going to take that offer? If males look for sex date and women look for relationship, you have mismatch. And no group should feel angry or entitled about the other not being interested in them - they want fundamentally different things. In that case, he is not getting date because he is player and women around happen to be not interested in that. And then he sees another dude in long term relationship with a woman that seeks that and is all offended about unfair world. And also I kind of thing that if this is the need, prostitution should be an option. It is kind of same thing, except transaction is clear from get go.
        jfengel 7y ago
        I think the open secret is that prostitutes don't count, because the sex isn't about having orgasms, but about having one's merit validated. They must earn the thing that they cannot buy. Sex is the ultimate compliment, being chosen by a woman who dubs him worthy -- ideally, the most desirable woman (as perceived by other men). And for many, the more the better -- a second time doesn't count as much. They generally don't get that, and will give other reasons why they can't just hire somebody. But I believe that's the real reason: it's the one thing that they cannot buy, and therefore matters most when they have all the money in the world.
- barry-cotter 7y ago
  Don’t apologize to people who are attacking you. It just encourages them.

I'm not a native speaker, didn't mean to be offensive. I just meant that there's a lot of couples where the male half seems to score quite a bit higher on attractiveness, career, appeal, etc. I should note that this observation was also shared by my wife. Changed the wording.

watwut 7y ago
Maybe in addition to be good looking and earning money, that dude also was not looking for trophy wife and had different preferences. Dude sounds like catch.
- olalonde 7y ago
  I'm not talking about a specific man and physical attractiveness is just one of many aspects. In aggregate, it seems reasonable to believe that the gender imbalance causes men to lower their standards. > Dude sounds like catch. That's sort of the point.
  - watwut 7y ago
    The interesting think for me is that all discussions about relationships on hn boils down to money and looks (gym for guys, I guess makeup and diet for girls). And the idea of match is "willing to let me pay for her". There is no other standard for suitable partner ever mentioned. No expectation of shared values or similar livestyle (except valuing looks). No expectation of mutual support. And the experts on what women want are people who "dated" over dozens of people last year - meaning none of them trying for long term stable relationship. And everytime I read those discussions I kind of think I would not want to date them either. Mostly because they primary think in hierarchies instead of relationships and because I would not want a guy that would use his money as leverage over me.
    - username90 7y ago
      It gets a lot easier to understand when you realize that most women are looking for a life partner while most men are looking for a sex partner. You are more careful with life partners, so there will always be a surplus of men available for dating looking for sex, and most of them will fake looking for a life partner just to get more opportunities since there are so few women who are into the same things. This means that for you as a woman dating is first and foremost about separating life partners from sex partners. Your advice goes in that direction. But it is totally worthless for men, most women they meet will be looking for a life partner so they are not hard to find. Instead men face the problem that most women are very reluctant to date them, so men mostly need advice how to get more dates.
      - watwut 7y ago
        Which would be ok if they subsequently did not complained constantly about loneliness and being single. Partner for regular sex is relationship still, as much as partner for any regular activity. And complained about women they date being primary interested in them paying for them. Like, he trying to attract her primary on money, who is going to take that offer? If males look for sex date and women look for relationship, you have mismatch. And no group should feel angry or entitled about the other not being interested in them - they want fundamentally different things. In that case, he is not getting date because he is player and women around happen to be not interested in that. And then he sees another dude in long term relationship with a woman that seeks that and is all offended about unfair world. And also I kind of thing that if this is the need, prostitution should be an option. It is kind of same thing, except transaction is clear from get go.
        jfengel 7y ago
        I think the open secret is that prostitutes don't count, because the sex isn't about having orgasms, but about having one's merit validated. They must earn the thing that they cannot buy. Sex is the ultimate compliment, being chosen by a woman who dubs him worthy -- ideally, the most desirable woman (as perceived by other men). And for many, the more the better -- a second time doesn't count as much. They generally don't get that, and will give other reasons why they can't just hire somebody. But I believe that's the real reason: it's the one thing that they cannot buy, and therefore matters most when they have all the money in the world.
barry-cotter 7y ago
Don’t apologize to people who are attacking you. It just encourages them.