7 ms·

I wonder why a lot of asians have this racial inferiority complex. I (being asian myself) grew up in an affluent asian dominated neighborhood of Cupertino. I ha

I wonder why a lot of asians have this racial inferiority complex. I (being asian myself) grew up in an affluent asian dominated neighborhood of Cupertino. I had black, white and asian friends growing up and I never thought too much of racial issues. Maybe because in my schools asian americans were largely the majority. Again, I had the same experience going to school at UCLA which was largely populated mostly by asians. However coming back to the bay area a decade later and making a lot of friends with local asians who grew up in San Francisco I am seeing huge racial inferiority complexes among asian males and females. It's disgustingly huge. Among asian males racism manifests itself as hatred against white people for their white privilege and they talk openly about being scared of black people because they're all criminals. It's nuts. Note that this attitude mostly manifests itself among the native asian SF crowd who grew up here, not the tech migrants from outside of the city. The other thing is racism manifests itself differently among asian females in the most pathetic display of inferiority I have ever seen in my life. The majority of single asian females in SF prefer dating white people over their own race. It's not even a superficial taste fetish either, literally a huge amount of asian females view their own race as too inferior and too weak to date. I don't know whether to blame the asian males or asian females for this level of patheticism. I read posts from asians above and I'm astonished... I'm literally thinking what planet is this guy from? Then I realize that I'm from cupertino, I'm the guy who grew up on a different planet.

xenihn 7y ago
This post reads like it was copied from /r/asianmasculinity
- crimsonalucard 7y ago
  Didn't even know that channel existed. Man, shakes head.
- zozbot234 7y ago
  Really? I think even many white people, and folks of other races besides, would feel quite awkward and embarassed at being considered "the only people worth dating", over and above the very ethnic background that these women know best! It's something that should strike everyone as strange and awkward, not just Asian males.
KoftaBob 7y ago
I've never understood this argument regarding dating outside of one's ethnic group. The effects of actual racism is one ethnic group benefits at the expense of one or more other groups. What you're describing is something else entirely. Who's getting harmed when Asian women have a preference for white men when dating? Who cares? To each their own, no? Are you implying there's some maximum percentage of women that can prefer another ethnic group when dating, and anything above that is problematic? Edit: I should've specified that I'm talking explicitly about their commentary on asian women's dating patterns, not anything else in their comment.
- crimsonalucard 7y ago
  It is problematic to asians as a whole. It's pretty obvious when asians discriminate their own race and view white people as superior. There's really no argument for you here. Definitely not problematic to white males who are dating asian females though. Honestly, among white guys it manifests itself as Asian women being "easier" and there's nothing wrong or racist for taking advantage of it, but it definitely won't appear to be a problem from your perspective even though something deeply wrong is happening.
- codinger 7y ago
  >they talk openly about being scared of black people because they're all criminals. You don't think there isn't anything racist about that? You have a strange definition of racism.
  - KoftaBob 7y ago
    I was specifically replying to their commentary on Asian women's dating preferences. I should've been more clear.
- linguae 7y ago
  I'm not Asian or Asian-American (I'm an African-American male), but there have been studies that shown that in the United States men and women of certain ethnic groups have different levels of success when it comes to dating. Many studies have shown that black women have it the hardest among women of various ethnicities in American online dating sites, and these studies have also shown that men of Asian descent have it the hardest among men. When black women are unfairly stereotyped as having unfeminine characteristics, and when Asian men are unfairly stereotyped as being nerdy, then it hurts them when competing in a dating marketplace where many people across racial and ethnic groups unfortunately hold stereotypical views, sometimes even about their own ethnicities. I deal with this myself as an African-American male who doesn't conform to the stereotypes; unfortunately I find myself "between a rock and a hard place," where I feel ignored by women within my ethnic group because I'm a "cornball brother," yet I also feel ignored by women outside my ethnic group because I'm black. Now, not all women are guided by stereotypes (and not all men are, either), but we have to work harder to find partners who are not guided by stereotypes and are genuinely interested in wanting to know each other more as individuals and not as representatives of our gender and our ethnicity.
m0zg 7y ago
>> females view their own race as too inferior and too weak to date Facepalm. Even a moderately good looking Asian female (and there are lots of them) would not have any problems finding good dates IMO, especially among well-to-do tech types. Though this is typical: people are afraid of things and they absolve themselves of the potential failure by not even trying, because it's very easy to convince yourself that you're "disadvantaged", even if in reality the opposite is true.
- 9nGQluzmnq3M 7y ago
  You misread the OP: they're saying that lots of Asian women (in the US) view Asian men as undesirable.
tgyfredr 7y ago
I found this to be a very American phenomenon, as I see it less from Asians that grew up in most European or South American countries. I also definitely see a difference in self esteem between Asian Americans that grew up in California compared to the rest of the US. Strangely, or maybe it makes sense, the Asian Americans that I saw with the highest self esteem were Mormons! This is one of the reasons my wife and I moved back to Asia after we had kids. Despite other issues here, we felt it would be better for them.
- crimsonalucard 7y ago
  Yeah, I noticed it too. It does pervade the entire US but I've also noticed it's mostly concentrated in California.
kilroy_jones 7y ago
Asians dating white people may come less from seeing other Asians as inferior, but from a desire to escape their own cultural trappings. Depending on how conservative (traditional) the family is, many Asian women I know prefer dating non-Asian men because it doesn't come with the same expectations from their family. They can escape the make babies, make money, deal with a mother-in-law pressures, which may be much higher in an Asian household. The micromanaging of any potential children by both sets of parents would be significantly less as well. In general there may be less pressure to conform and perform, from their partner, and more importantly from the family, when dating a white person.
- underpand 7y ago
  That comes with trade-offs. 1. Having a spouse who does not have the cultural knowledge, similar interests, empathy or language skills to communicate with your family is an issue. Her choice to date a white man is in a sense a rejection of her own family. 2. She herself may not have the same experiences, mindsets and interests to be able to really connect with her spouse if the relationship is driven by her attempt to run away from the expectations of her family. 3. A white man and his family/friends have a higher chance of being racist and insensitive to race issues. Weirdly enough, it doesn't seem like racist beliefs and white supremacy preclude white men from dating Asian women or Asian women from reciprocating interest: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/opinion/sunday/alt-right-asian-fetish.html https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/opinion/sunday/alt-right-...
- crimsonalucard 7y ago
  This is not true. First of all if this were true you'd see tons of asian men dating white women to escape the cultural pressure. You don't see this at all, the phenomenon is largely among women. Second of all, the pressures you describe are a bit exaggerated. The whole mother-in-law, make money and make baby deal is not very common at all. It exists and is more common among asians than westerners but it is still very very rare. The stereotype on asians that does have credibility in modern times is the academic pressure. The pressures on a kid academically are enormous but after college the parents are just as human as the kid and it largely dies down later in life. Third. No asian woman will ever admit this stuff to your face. Especially, if you're white. It's such a pathetic trait that they'd have trouble admitting it to themselves. Likely they'd make up some garbage excuse like "culture."
fersho311 7y ago
You got downvoted, but I upvoted you. Thanks for bringing this up. My mom abused me when I was growing up and I was traumatized. So I grew up thinking I was inferior and then superior because I became successful. Both are bad traits that I had to delete. Many asian kids are abused, it is disgusting what happens behind closed doors. If you had a better childhood or if you overcame your hardships, it would be really nice of you to show them some love and help them recover!
- bsanr2 7y ago
  I think this is important, as a black man. Reclamation is a mechanism for ego defense for marginalized people, sort of the flip side of stereotype threat: recognizing a negative aspect of your racialization, and then flipping it into a positive even as you exemplify it. Nigger becomes nigga; a word used to denigrate becomes something no one else can use in polite company. Nerdiness becomes a point of pride; "I studied and beat you out for the job." At the heart of it is the hierarchical and competitive nature of race in America, which does not have to be a zero-sum game but is cast as one anyway. As in learning to fight and be aggressive when threatened with violence, reclamation is reasonable, given the circumstances, but altogether unfortunate. We would be better off without the ego-protective behavior AND the racist circumstances that necessitate it.
burfog 7y ago
We don't need any complicated social or cultural explanations for the dating issue. Women generally prefer taller men. Asian men tend to be short. The explanation works the other way too, with men typically preferring shorter women. There are other attributes as well, such as muscle mass and the amount of body hair.
- crimsonalucard 7y ago
  The problem here is that you're wrong. Tons of of tall asian males have this issue. Also the explanation does not work the other way. Men do not typically prefer shorter women. It is the women making a selection preference here.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- underpand 7y ago
  Counter example: Latino men tend to be short and date out at a similar rate to Latina women.

xenihn 7y ago

This post reads like it was copied from /r/asianmasculinity

crimsonalucard 7y ago
Didn't even know that channel existed. Man, shakes head.
zozbot234 7y ago
Really? I think even many white people, and folks of other races besides, would feel quite awkward and embarassed at being considered "the only people worth dating", over and above the very ethnic background that these women know best! It's something that should strike everyone as strange and awkward, not just Asian males.

KoftaBob 7y ago

I've never understood this argument regarding dating outside of one's ethnic group. The effects of actual racism is one ethnic group benefits at the expense of one or more other groups. What you're describing is something else entirely. Who's getting harmed when Asian women have a preference for white men when dating? Who cares? To each their own, no? Are you implying there's some maximum percentage of women that can prefer another ethnic group when dating, and anything above that is problematic? Edit: I should've specified that I'm talking explicitly about their commentary on asian women's dating patterns, not anything else in their comment.

crimsonalucard 7y ago
It is problematic to asians as a whole. It's pretty obvious when asians discriminate their own race and view white people as superior. There's really no argument for you here. Definitely not problematic to white males who are dating asian females though. Honestly, among white guys it manifests itself as Asian women being "easier" and there's nothing wrong or racist for taking advantage of it, but it definitely won't appear to be a problem from your perspective even though something deeply wrong is happening.
codinger 7y ago
>they talk openly about being scared of black people because they're all criminals. You don't think there isn't anything racist about that? You have a strange definition of racism.
- KoftaBob 7y ago
  I was specifically replying to their commentary on Asian women's dating preferences. I should've been more clear.
linguae 7y ago
I'm not Asian or Asian-American (I'm an African-American male), but there have been studies that shown that in the United States men and women of certain ethnic groups have different levels of success when it comes to dating. Many studies have shown that black women have it the hardest among women of various ethnicities in American online dating sites, and these studies have also shown that men of Asian descent have it the hardest among men. When black women are unfairly stereotyped as having unfeminine characteristics, and when Asian men are unfairly stereotyped as being nerdy, then it hurts them when competing in a dating marketplace where many people across racial and ethnic groups unfortunately hold stereotypical views, sometimes even about their own ethnicities. I deal with this myself as an African-American male who doesn't conform to the stereotypes; unfortunately I find myself "between a rock and a hard place," where I feel ignored by women within my ethnic group because I'm a "cornball brother," yet I also feel ignored by women outside my ethnic group because I'm black. Now, not all women are guided by stereotypes (and not all men are, either), but we have to work harder to find partners who are not guided by stereotypes and are genuinely interested in wanting to know each other more as individuals and not as representatives of our gender and our ethnicity.

m0zg 7y ago

>> females view their own race as too inferior and too weak to date Facepalm. Even a moderately good looking Asian female (and there are lots of them) would not have any problems finding good dates IMO, especially among well-to-do tech types. Though this is typical: people are afraid of things and they absolve themselves of the potential failure by not even trying, because it's very easy to convince yourself that you're "disadvantaged", even if in reality the opposite is true.

9nGQluzmnq3M 7y ago
You misread the OP: they're saying that lots of Asian women (in the US) view Asian men as undesirable.

tgyfredr 7y ago

I found this to be a very American phenomenon, as I see it less from Asians that grew up in most European or South American countries. I also definitely see a difference in self esteem between Asian Americans that grew up in California compared to the rest of the US. Strangely, or maybe it makes sense, the Asian Americans that I saw with the highest self esteem were Mormons! This is one of the reasons my wife and I moved back to Asia after we had kids. Despite other issues here, we felt it would be better for them.

crimsonalucard 7y ago
Yeah, I noticed it too. It does pervade the entire US but I've also noticed it's mostly concentrated in California.

kilroy_jones 7y ago

Asians dating white people may come less from seeing other Asians as inferior, but from a desire to escape their own cultural trappings. Depending on how conservative (traditional) the family is, many Asian women I know prefer dating non-Asian men because it doesn't come with the same expectations from their family. They can escape the make babies, make money, deal with a mother-in-law pressures, which may be much higher in an Asian household. The micromanaging of any potential children by both sets of parents would be significantly less as well. In general there may be less pressure to conform and perform, from their partner, and more importantly from the family, when dating a white person.

underpand 7y ago
That comes with trade-offs. 1. Having a spouse who does not have the cultural knowledge, similar interests, empathy or language skills to communicate with your family is an issue. Her choice to date a white man is in a sense a rejection of her own family. 2. She herself may not have the same experiences, mindsets and interests to be able to really connect with her spouse if the relationship is driven by her attempt to run away from the expectations of her family. 3. A white man and his family/friends have a higher chance of being racist and insensitive to race issues. Weirdly enough, it doesn't seem like racist beliefs and white supremacy preclude white men from dating Asian women or Asian women from reciprocating interest: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/opinion/sunday/alt-right-asian-fetish.html https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/opinion/sunday/alt-right-...
crimsonalucard 7y ago
This is not true. First of all if this were true you'd see tons of asian men dating white women to escape the cultural pressure. You don't see this at all, the phenomenon is largely among women. Second of all, the pressures you describe are a bit exaggerated. The whole mother-in-law, make money and make baby deal is not very common at all. It exists and is more common among asians than westerners but it is still very very rare. The stereotype on asians that does have credibility in modern times is the academic pressure. The pressures on a kid academically are enormous but after college the parents are just as human as the kid and it largely dies down later in life. Third. No asian woman will ever admit this stuff to your face. Especially, if you're white. It's such a pathetic trait that they'd have trouble admitting it to themselves. Likely they'd make up some garbage excuse like "culture."

fersho311 7y ago

You got downvoted, but I upvoted you. Thanks for bringing this up. My mom abused me when I was growing up and I was traumatized. So I grew up thinking I was inferior and then superior because I became successful. Both are bad traits that I had to delete. Many asian kids are abused, it is disgusting what happens behind closed doors. If you had a better childhood or if you overcame your hardships, it would be really nice of you to show them some love and help them recover!

bsanr2 7y ago
I think this is important, as a black man. Reclamation is a mechanism for ego defense for marginalized people, sort of the flip side of stereotype threat: recognizing a negative aspect of your racialization, and then flipping it into a positive even as you exemplify it. Nigger becomes nigga; a word used to denigrate becomes something no one else can use in polite company. Nerdiness becomes a point of pride; "I studied and beat you out for the job." At the heart of it is the hierarchical and competitive nature of race in America, which does not have to be a zero-sum game but is cast as one anyway. As in learning to fight and be aggressive when threatened with violence, reclamation is reasonable, given the circumstances, but altogether unfortunate. We would be better off without the ego-protective behavior AND the racist circumstances that necessitate it.

burfog 7y ago

We don't need any complicated social or cultural explanations for the dating issue. Women generally prefer taller men. Asian men tend to be short. The explanation works the other way too, with men typically preferring shorter women. There are other attributes as well, such as muscle mass and the amount of body hair.

crimsonalucard 7y ago
The problem here is that you're wrong. Tons of of tall asian males have this issue. Also the explanation does not work the other way. Men do not typically prefer shorter women. It is the women making a selection preference here.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
underpand 7y ago
Counter example: Latino men tend to be short and date out at a similar rate to Latina women.