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Maybe you could have communicated why you made the decision you did and not had the relationship go south. Or you could have said something like, "You obviousl

Maybe you could have communicated why you made the decision you did and not had the relationship go south. Or you could have said something like, "You obviously feel strongly about this, I don't have time to discuss it right now but lets make some time before or after work in the next couple of days." People have different motivations; often they just want to be heard but some times they need to be "right." Sometimes you can make a meaningless concession so that they are "right" and have them full speed on your side again instead of fighting you.

endtime 16y ago
I did that, several times, and I wasn't blunt or aggressive (which made one of us) - I'm not totally socially inept. I "lost" more of those arguments than I won. I genuinely think it would have been okay if I weren't fresh out of grad school - the guy in question was often condescending when trying to make a point. Maybe he's an exception, I don't know, but I definitely think the age difference made things worse.
- jarin 16y ago
  Please don't take offense to this, but if you're fresh out of grad school you probably don't know as much as you think you do. Not to say that automatically makes you wrong, but you should definitely be more prepared to justify your decisions, even to people who work under you.
  - endtime 16y ago
    No offense taken. I think I recognize my own limits (Stanford's a good place to learn them), but I also know our customer base better than a contractor, and at the end of the day I'm the one who has to maintain the code. There were certainly situations where I went with what the contractor said rather than what I preferred because he made reasonable points (e.g. "this would add a dependency to the project") or just general software engineering stuff where I deferred to his experience. I also think I was more than fair about discussing and justifying my decisions when I did have to make the one he didn't like, but it didn't seem to mollify him.
- asmithmd1 16y ago
  I just remembered another trick you can use when someone is arguing one tack; get them to commit to the ultimate deliverable. i.e. "So you say we should do XYZ using PDQ, so will you be able to demo it for the customer next Tuesday?" Now to be right they have to get it done on time, and if they waffle you can assert your decision.

endtime 16y ago

I did that, several times, and I wasn't blunt or aggressive (which made one of us) - I'm not totally socially inept. I "lost" more of those arguments than I won. I genuinely think it would have been okay if I weren't fresh out of grad school - the guy in question was often condescending when trying to make a point. Maybe he's an exception, I don't know, but I definitely think the age difference made things worse.

jarin 16y ago
Please don't take offense to this, but if you're fresh out of grad school you probably don't know as much as you think you do. Not to say that automatically makes you wrong, but you should definitely be more prepared to justify your decisions, even to people who work under you.
- endtime 16y ago
  No offense taken. I think I recognize my own limits (Stanford's a good place to learn them), but I also know our customer base better than a contractor, and at the end of the day I'm the one who has to maintain the code. There were certainly situations where I went with what the contractor said rather than what I preferred because he made reasonable points (e.g. "this would add a dependency to the project") or just general software engineering stuff where I deferred to his experience. I also think I was more than fair about discussing and justifying my decisions when I did have to make the one he didn't like, but it didn't seem to mollify him.
asmithmd1 16y ago
I just remembered another trick you can use when someone is arguing one tack; get them to commit to the ultimate deliverable. i.e. "So you say we should do XYZ using PDQ, so will you be able to demo it for the customer next Tuesday?" Now to be right they have to get it done on time, and if they waffle you can assert your decision.