3 ms·

I understand your point and disagree. In many orgs it isnt practical not a good idea to be invested in a person beyond the work you do together.

travbrack 7y ago
He's talking about the relationship between the author and his (romantic) partner
- goatherders 7y ago
  Thank you. My bad.
kalyantm 7y ago
Really? I found quite the opposite to be true. Once we had drinks with our manager discussing our lives in general and it gave him a much better understanding of how we approach things generally in life and he was able to get so much more out of us , not my manipulating, but rather by being straight forward about the way we think and how we can open our minds to various opinions. Of course he did'nt have to do it, and of course the wrong person could have taken advantage (like by manipulating) but being a great manager as he is, it definitely boosted the team productivity and cohesion
sgt101 7y ago
I think that the parent is talking about outside work but I want to flag something else here. > In many orgs it isnt practical not a good idea to be invested in a person beyond the work you do together. There are many difficult complications to relationships in a corporate. In the limit you might have to dismiss the person you have a friendship with, or choose between doing that and leaving the company (and your salary and reputation) yourself. But, relationships at work are not zero sum games and you need to be careful to think through the risks in terms of probabilities - getting pushed into sacking good people is a rare situation (unless something is really, really wrong) - and to be able to mitigate these corner cases (like, no, I'm not doing that, I will get another job thank you). I hear that in prison it is a bad idea to get involved in any relationships at all, unless you are going to go all in and commit to whatever gang or romance is on the table. Work isn't like that, there are tools to manage how work relationships evolve, you are not trapped and powerless - although many work contexts set up a dynamic to convince you that you are. Ask yourself: how many of my co-workers have left in the last five years? How many of them are dead now? When was the last shanking in the restaurant? Yes, if you have young children you need to be very resilient and put up with bullshit that you simply wouldn't otherwise, but even then take steps like investing an hour a week in developing a way out, I have seen people really surprise themselves with how many options they can generate over time. And the rewards are significant. If you have a strong network at work you can expect better projects, better information about politics and prospects, help when you need it and also feedback about you and your contribution. All of these are immensely valuable.
- quanticle 7y ago
  Ask yourself: how many of my co-workers have left in the last five years? Literally all of them, and that's in the past year alone. I'll be out of here soon, too. I have zero investment in this firm, I'm just here putting in my 9-5 while working on personal projects and studying for interviews.

travbrack 7y ago

He's talking about the relationship between the author and his (romantic) partner

goatherders 7y ago
Thank you. My bad.

kalyantm 7y ago

Really? I found quite the opposite to be true. Once we had drinks with our manager discussing our lives in general and it gave him a much better understanding of how we approach things generally in life and he was able to get so much more out of us , not my manipulating, but rather by being straight forward about the way we think and how we can open our minds to various opinions. Of course he did'nt have to do it, and of course the wrong person could have taken advantage (like by manipulating) but being a great manager as he is, it definitely boosted the team productivity and cohesion

sgt101 7y ago

I think that the parent is talking about outside work but I want to flag something else here. > In many orgs it isnt practical not a good idea to be invested in a person beyond the work you do together. There are many difficult complications to relationships in a corporate. In the limit you might have to dismiss the person you have a friendship with, or choose between doing that and leaving the company (and your salary and reputation) yourself. But, relationships at work are not zero sum games and you need to be careful to think through the risks in terms of probabilities - getting pushed into sacking good people is a rare situation (unless something is really, really wrong) - and to be able to mitigate these corner cases (like, no, I'm not doing that, I will get another job thank you). I hear that in prison it is a bad idea to get involved in any relationships at all, unless you are going to go all in and commit to whatever gang or romance is on the table. Work isn't like that, there are tools to manage how work relationships evolve, you are not trapped and powerless - although many work contexts set up a dynamic to convince you that you are. Ask yourself: how many of my co-workers have left in the last five years? How many of them are dead now? When was the last shanking in the restaurant? Yes, if you have young children you need to be very resilient and put up with bullshit that you simply wouldn't otherwise, but even then take steps like investing an hour a week in developing a way out, I have seen people really surprise themselves with how many options they can generate over time. And the rewards are significant. If you have a strong network at work you can expect better projects, better information about politics and prospects, help when you need it and also feedback about you and your contribution. All of these are immensely valuable.

quanticle 7y ago
Ask yourself: how many of my co-workers have left in the last five years? Literally all of them, and that's in the past year alone. I'll be out of here soon, too. I have zero investment in this firm, I'm just here putting in my 9-5 while working on personal projects and studying for interviews.