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> "References: He was really nice to me, and one of the nicest guys I've ever dated. We had some issues with his parents not liking me, that eventually caused u

> "References: He was really nice to me, and one of the nicest guys I've ever dated. We had some issues with his parents not liking me, that eventually caused us to break up. but otherwise I'm envious of the next person who gets to be with him!" The juxtaposition between dating and references.. doesn't work, at least to me. I can't imagine actually writing this about an ex. Especially, curious as to the circumstance in which this type of interaction would even occur. "Hey, sorry we didn't work out, now can you write a reference for my dating profile?"

mirimir 7y ago
That sounds pretty good to me. Funny story. Good references from one of my ex wives got me in bed with two of her friends. However, they didn't want me, just my sperm. But it was still fun.
- plemer 7y ago
  That’s more of an overt brag than a funny story.
  - mirimir 7y ago
    Maybe. But I did say that they didn't actually want a relationship, which isn't such a brag.
    - plemer 7y ago
      I read it mostly as “sex with me comes highly recommended and I have desirable sperm.” But if you were looking for a relationship, I can see how that wouldn’t have felt as...victorious? I didn’t get that context from your original comment though. Anyway, good night.
      - mirimir 7y ago
        I was lonely. But also way too angry for a relationship. So yeah, it was bittersweet. Also, said ex wife was professionally quite awesome, so I think that sort of rubbed off on me.
        saagarjha 7y ago
        You’re still bragging.
        mirimir 7y ago
        OK, maybe so. But it's by no means purely a brag. I mean, what. Divorce. And feeling used. Not fun. As I recall, one of them was about to leave her husband, but a grandmother had offered her $1K if she had a kid. Which I learned just after sex.
        55555 7y ago
        offered 1k to have a kid. lol. It took a while to find a funny part but this will do.
        mirimir 7y ago
        I have a better one. Former lover stops by to say that she's pregnant, and needs a green card. But says that she's going to tell some other guy that it's his. Because he can support her, and [unsaid but implied] I'm just another itinerant hippie. But hey, dodged one there, didn't I?
- mirimir 7y ago
  The point that I wanted to make is that former lovers can indeed provide favorable recommendations. Maybe I should have transformed it into a third person share.
devit 7y ago
It's very useful for non-monogamous people: you meet someone, have a good interaction, sex, etc. and write a good reference for them. The problem though is that there's an incentive to game the system.
- nolok 7y ago
  Nobody does that. I don't know what would feel worse, having to write reviews/reference of my one night stand for other guys, or having her write one about me for other girls. Sounds more like an escorting service than a dating one. If a guy/gal is really great, you would be with him/her, or try to rekindle the relation ship. Heck like this one that looks like it sounds great, "He was great, except for that one thing that I won't give detail about but was bad enough to stop me from wanting a relationship with him now or ever", that's not even a really good reference for dating, more like a huge red flag ...
  - devit 7y ago
    With a perfectly working dating system, there is no need to have or want relationships, because you can just find other person using the dating system. You simply no longer see the person because you like to interact and have sex and do activities with many different people, not because of "red flags". Or if you still want relationships, then the "red flag" is just "was merely a good fit but not an excellent fit for me".

mirimir 7y ago

That sounds pretty good to me. Funny story. Good references from one of my ex wives got me in bed with two of her friends. However, they didn't want me, just my sperm. But it was still fun.

plemer 7y ago
That’s more of an overt brag than a funny story.
- mirimir 7y ago
  Maybe. But I did say that they didn't actually want a relationship, which isn't such a brag.
  - plemer 7y ago
    I read it mostly as “sex with me comes highly recommended and I have desirable sperm.” But if you were looking for a relationship, I can see how that wouldn’t have felt as...victorious? I didn’t get that context from your original comment though. Anyway, good night.
    - mirimir 7y ago
      I was lonely. But also way too angry for a relationship. So yeah, it was bittersweet. Also, said ex wife was professionally quite awesome, so I think that sort of rubbed off on me.
      - saagarjha 7y ago
        You’re still bragging.
        mirimir 7y ago
        OK, maybe so. But it's by no means purely a brag. I mean, what. Divorce. And feeling used. Not fun. As I recall, one of them was about to leave her husband, but a grandmother had offered her $1K if she had a kid. Which I learned just after sex.
        55555 7y ago
        offered 1k to have a kid. lol. It took a while to find a funny part but this will do.
        mirimir 7y ago
        I have a better one. Former lover stops by to say that she's pregnant, and needs a green card. But says that she's going to tell some other guy that it's his. Because he can support her, and [unsaid but implied] I'm just another itinerant hippie. But hey, dodged one there, didn't I?
mirimir 7y ago
The point that I wanted to make is that former lovers can indeed provide favorable recommendations. Maybe I should have transformed it into a third person share.

devit 7y ago

It's very useful for non-monogamous people: you meet someone, have a good interaction, sex, etc. and write a good reference for them. The problem though is that there's an incentive to game the system.

nolok 7y ago
Nobody does that. I don't know what would feel worse, having to write reviews/reference of my one night stand for other guys, or having her write one about me for other girls. Sounds more like an escorting service than a dating one. If a guy/gal is really great, you would be with him/her, or try to rekindle the relation ship. Heck like this one that looks like it sounds great, "He was great, except for that one thing that I won't give detail about but was bad enough to stop me from wanting a relationship with him now or ever", that's not even a really good reference for dating, more like a huge red flag ...
- devit 7y ago
  With a perfectly working dating system, there is no need to have or want relationships, because you can just find other person using the dating system. You simply no longer see the person because you like to interact and have sex and do activities with many different people, not because of "red flags". Or if you still want relationships, then the "red flag" is just "was merely a good fit but not an excellent fit for me".