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> Are most of us just the kids in the middle trying to be the fast ones? Is self-acceptance, tempering of expectations and emotional growth a road to happiness

by lbotos 7y ago

> Are most of us just the kids in the middle trying to be the fast ones? Is self-acceptance, tempering of expectations and emotional growth a road to happiness or the silver medal of people who were just not good enough? I used to race bicycles competitively, and our coach grilled into our heads: "It's you vs. the track. The other racers are just obstacles in your way. You are not racing them, you are racing yourself." I was a mid pack racer, but that mentality, of focusing on personal growth was huge. You define success for yourself. And by your measure, others may be more successful on your own measure, but they are not you. I'll also add the trite: "hard work will be talent if talent doesn't work hard." My brother was a natural racer, but he hated to practice and got beat by riders who were better conditioned all the time. He never had to beat them, he just had to beat himself.

ditonal 7y ago
I agree but it’s also worth noting that you should also be able to step back and consider how much of your self worth you want to define by how fast you ride a bike. There’s good reasons to set goals and “beat yourself” but also good reasons to not worry about it too much and “accept yourself“.
Swizec 7y ago
Wasn’t that kind of op’s argument? You can focus on beating yourself all you want, if yourself isn’t the best, then you will never win the Tour de France. If you don’t have the potential to win The Tour, then should you even be trying to? Sounds like a lot of effort, might wanna invest it somewhere else or redefine your cycling goals. I run marathons and I don’t beat myself up about winning because I don’t have the potential to be a world class marathoner. Even if I trained twice as hard as Kipchoge. I just don’t have it. Same with boxing. I train 4x/week because I enjoy the exercise and mental relaxation. Punching people in the face is fun. But I don’t compete because I don’t have the talent to make the pain of competing worth it. But when it comes to writing software and running a business, you bet your ass I’m giving it all I got and want to “beat” (hard to define) everyone else. Because there I do have the potential.
usrusr 7y ago
What kind of bike racing was that? Because road racing is quite the opposite, the other competitors are everything while the properties of the course are just a minor influence on the all-defining question of which wheel to suck when. But those coach words are still wise and apply even there, if your goal is not to maximise winning but to maximise motivation and happiness (which would actually help winning long term, but the ratio between winners and losers is so bad in that game that you should focus on happiness nonetheless)

by lbotos 7y ago

ditonal 7y ago

I agree but it’s also worth noting that you should also be able to step back and consider how much of your self worth you want to define by how fast you ride a bike. There’s good reasons to set goals and “beat yourself” but also good reasons to not worry about it too much and “accept yourself“.

Swizec 7y ago

Wasn’t that kind of op’s argument? You can focus on beating yourself all you want, if yourself isn’t the best, then you will never win the Tour de France. If you don’t have the potential to win The Tour, then should you even be trying to? Sounds like a lot of effort, might wanna invest it somewhere else or redefine your cycling goals. I run marathons and I don’t beat myself up about winning because I don’t have the potential to be a world class marathoner. Even if I trained twice as hard as Kipchoge. I just don’t have it. Same with boxing. I train 4x/week because I enjoy the exercise and mental relaxation. Punching people in the face is fun. But I don’t compete because I don’t have the talent to make the pain of competing worth it. But when it comes to writing software and running a business, you bet your ass I’m giving it all I got and want to “beat” (hard to define) everyone else. Because there I do have the potential.

usrusr 7y ago

What kind of bike racing was that? Because road racing is quite the opposite, the other competitors are everything while the properties of the course are just a minor influence on the all-defining question of which wheel to suck when. But those coach words are still wise and apply even there, if your goal is not to maximise winning but to maximise motivation and happiness (which would actually help winning long term, but the ratio between winners and losers is so bad in that game that you should focus on happiness nonetheless)