I used to think the same with music and programming but I stopped caring at some point. In my spare time I find joy in writing things from scratch but I see it

I used to think the same with music and programming but I stopped caring at some point. In my spare time I find joy in writing things from scratch but I see it more as challenging myself rather than "not cheating" If I write a compiler purely to challenge myself, I'm much more confident in using an existing one in the future. However with a cheating/not cheating mindset I'd be reinventing the wheel every time.