4 ms·

It was a little surreal to read your post. The "putting on a show to entertain myself" is essentially word for word how I would describe it. I generally have a

It was a little surreal to read your post. The "putting on a show to entertain myself" is essentially word for word how I would describe it. I generally have a hard time explaining it to others without starting to feel it's a ridiculous, convoluted or even egotistical (especially the whole "we're all god in a way"). In a way, whereas I used to be terrified of death, I now accept that immortality would be the more dreadful alternative. I remember treading on these ideas before having tried any type of drug. I've only ever gotten actually high on weed since then, but those experiences were generally not all that pleasant, e.g. had me becoming anxious/paranoid or generally overly introspective. That's also the reason that I've only ever microdosed LSD before as I fear getting actually high and falling into a more extreme version of that weed-induced paranoia/anxiety. Out of curiosity, do you still hold onto that experience of oneness or do you just leave it as a "drug-induced" hallucination?

idclip 7y ago
i hold on to it, albeit the intensity varies. if i meditate, it comes back in varying degrees. if i watch tv, binge or get stressed at work, i become what i call "ego focused", and can't feel that connection. it takes contemplation sometimes - writing about it put me back there. the visuals and the actual slowing down of time .. yeah that requires the drugs, although on one meditation retreat i did experience something similar, but much less intense. if anything, i gained more trust of my internal reality. i downright choose to see what i experience as truth. why must a hallucination not be true? it's been part of human experience since we can remember. as long as it doesn't turn into some odd horror show.. i find that these "hallucinations" are actually some form of deep communication with something significant inside us, and it's a crime to shun it away as less real than our day to day lives, which are mostly ego projections replaying childhood traumas, not really authentic either, yet we call those real life. edit; also man, try a goenka vipassana - a single hardcore meditation retreat will help you gain more trust in yourself and more trust in the process of life.
gbjw 7y ago
I've had that exact feeling of the 'dreadful alternative' of immortality under the influence of (in retrospect) way too much THC. Also, much of the perceived 'peace' and 'tranquility' some people describe feeling from a perception of being 'connected to everything' manifested the exact opposite feelings in me. All of a sudden I felt completely alone. I do not want to be 'one' with everything because that means there is nothing beyond me. Perhaps a more positive experience might be one in which you still feel distinct but nevertheless intimately connected with everything. I've done some psilocybin, but never reached anything close to 'ego-death.' I am curious to hear other people's thoughts on how these ego-less experiences make one at peace, and not in complete existential horror (I suppose if there is no ego, there is nothing to 'feel' the horror?).
- idclip 7y ago
  It took a while for my horror feelings to subside - my “trip started out as a horror trip actually, i simply at somepoint accepted the possibility of maybe not coming back from this - i went to meditation retreats before taking LSD, and i confronted terrible feelings in what people call “dark night of the soul” - so i was primed for letting go and openning up. You only really need to contemplate it longer, because truthful death awareness, i found, made me appreciate my time better, and the time of those who spend theirs with me. The initial reaction is fear and a terrible thrashing, like a scared child would experience, which is what is at the center of what we think is the adult self. The child never actually “grows”. So it’s ok man, you’ll feel ok about it eventually. PM me if youd like to talk about it
  - Chris_Chambers 7y ago
    PM you? What? How do you PM on this site?

idclip 7y ago

i hold on to it, albeit the intensity varies. if i meditate, it comes back in varying degrees. if i watch tv, binge or get stressed at work, i become what i call "ego focused", and can't feel that connection. it takes contemplation sometimes - writing about it put me back there. the visuals and the actual slowing down of time .. yeah that requires the drugs, although on one meditation retreat i did experience something similar, but much less intense. if anything, i gained more trust of my internal reality. i downright choose to see what i experience as truth. why must a hallucination not be true? it's been part of human experience since we can remember. as long as it doesn't turn into some odd horror show.. i find that these "hallucinations" are actually some form of deep communication with something significant inside us, and it's a crime to shun it away as less real than our day to day lives, which are mostly ego projections replaying childhood traumas, not really authentic either, yet we call those real life. edit; also man, try a goenka vipassana - a single hardcore meditation retreat will help you gain more trust in yourself and more trust in the process of life.

gbjw 7y ago

I've had that exact feeling of the 'dreadful alternative' of immortality under the influence of (in retrospect) way too much THC. Also, much of the perceived 'peace' and 'tranquility' some people describe feeling from a perception of being 'connected to everything' manifested the exact opposite feelings in me. All of a sudden I felt completely alone. I do not want to be 'one' with everything because that means there is nothing beyond me. Perhaps a more positive experience might be one in which you still feel distinct but nevertheless intimately connected with everything. I've done some psilocybin, but never reached anything close to 'ego-death.' I am curious to hear other people's thoughts on how these ego-less experiences make one at peace, and not in complete existential horror (I suppose if there is no ego, there is nothing to 'feel' the horror?).

idclip 7y ago
It took a while for my horror feelings to subside - my “trip started out as a horror trip actually, i simply at somepoint accepted the possibility of maybe not coming back from this - i went to meditation retreats before taking LSD, and i confronted terrible feelings in what people call “dark night of the soul” - so i was primed for letting go and openning up. You only really need to contemplate it longer, because truthful death awareness, i found, made me appreciate my time better, and the time of those who spend theirs with me. The initial reaction is fear and a terrible thrashing, like a scared child would experience, which is what is at the center of what we think is the adult self. The child never actually “grows”. So it’s ok man, you’ll feel ok about it eventually. PM me if youd like to talk about it
- Chris_Chambers 7y ago
  PM you? What? How do you PM on this site?