8 ms·

I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that. My first experience was ... very holy. Time stopped.

by idclip 7y ago

I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that. My first experience was ... very holy. Time stopped. I had hallucinations of spider webs weaved into my visual space, and it mixed with sunlight. I felt i was eternal. I understood what love is, and what grief is, and why (bear with me now ..) if god would to exist, he would have been the loneliest thing, and in his grief and loneliness, he gave birth to otherness, and here we are. I was my own mother, i was my own father, i was everything that ever was, and i did it all because i had one moment of terrorizing loneliness that i (as god) couldn’t take. It was all for me, a show i put on to entertain my eternal self, i thought about death and i felt immense gratitude, and i suddenly realized how scared everyone else must really be ... i felt extreme grief and love for my parents. My other experiments, at much lower doses just made me feel anxious. I watched the joker on 400 units, and I nearly cried. it was extremely intense and jarring. I generally find that LSD will amplify your base emotions, sort of like turning a volume dial to max. It’s a drug to be respected, the kinds of convictions it can generate in the human mind are intense and the impression they leave is significant. Its definitely not something i would lightly take, or take often, but am thankful for trying.

kneel 7y ago
Wow is that 1500ug? That's too much, even for an experienced user. You could do serious psychological damage to yourself at those levels.
- apk-d 7y ago
  To be honest, 1500ug could mean anything. The way street drugs are produced and sold, there's insane variance between what's "advertised" and what you actually get. Psychological damage wise, I actually wouldn't worry too much - at high doses your consciousness simply stops functioning.
  - gexla 7y ago
    > there's insane variance between what's "advertised" and what you actually get And a good reason for not trusting street drugs. If you must do a hallucinogen, mushrooms are an option and you can pick them right out of the ground in certain places.
- ryanlol 7y ago
  I don’t know about that, I’ve found that I’m far more likely to have an uncomfortable experience with a small dose than a huge dose.
  - idclip 7y ago
    This has definitely been my experience as well
- idclip 7y ago
  Yes, I do realize that i was very lucky, and very foolish. I felt extreme grief also for what i have done, and felt i was being irresponsible towards my body as if it was a creature on its own.
- 0x8BADF00D 7y ago
  That’s the dosage necessary for a breakthrough trip, like you’d get on DMT.
Ididntdothis 7y ago
Watching a movie like The Joker on psychedelics seems a bad idea to me. The movie is already emotionally disturbing and I wouldn't want that disturbed world to get amplified and burned into my brain. Unless you are super experienced and know what you are getting into I would use psychedelics only for positive and supportive experiences.
- idclip 7y ago
  you know, i should say that i honestly thought it was a great movie, and the LSD made the gate scene very emotional, and the ending very, very intense and meaningful, i don't regret doing it.
webdva 7y ago
"Whoa, dude. That's, like... totally far out."
ailideex 7y ago
> I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that. You have that in SI units or something? I mean even imperial will help.
- isoprophlex 7y ago
  Micrograms, most likely. A 100 microgram blotter sounds pretty common, * 15.
  - ailideex 7y ago
    > Micrograms, most likely Why most likely? Is it some common drug slang to refer to call µg a unit?
    - NikolaeVarius 7y ago
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microgram https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microgram
      - ailideex 7y ago
        I know what a microgram is, thanks.
    - Scalestein 7y ago
      It's basically the only unit used for LSD dosing and purchases
      - ailideex 7y ago
        Then why not call it µg if that is the unit that is used to dose it?
    - kjeetgill 7y ago
      That's just the unit that would make sense for LSD. The same way 6 units for one's height would make you guess feet not meters.
isoprophlex 7y ago
Having been there, do you feel that your attitude towards death has changed? For me, the experience was interesting but ultimately of limited practical applicability. I can totally relate to the "holy thoughts" you describe, but when back in baseline reality, I'm still the same neurotic, doubtful, agnostic rationalist.
- GuiA 7y ago
  You may have tried this already, and it may not work for you, but - a daily meditation practice, and general interest in Zen Buddhism, has helped me personally bring to my baseline reality some of the enlightenment I have felt during past psychedelic experiences.
  - Enginerrrd 7y ago
    Same. But despite years of practice, it took reading The Mind Illuminated and sitting 45-60min every single day for 4-6 months before some walls started really breaking down. I lost my social anxiety and a lot of fear in general. But just a word of a caution: serious meditation practice is NOT all sunshine and rainbows. Most people eventually encounter a "washing of sins" or "dark night of the soul" phase that can be pretty gnarly if you're not expecting it. I didn't think to would happen to me but it really knocked me on my ass when it happened.
    - idclip 7y ago
      Its a glorious eye openning moment. I practice vipassana, and my third retreat pit me against a very insane part of me, accompanied by severe muscular convulsions. It all made me realize how little we understand about who and what we really are, and what ails us. I wish more would find out
      - Enginerrrd 7y ago
        Same! I had just started getting the phosphenes where I started seeing flashes of light that settled into this wonderful glow that seemed to come from inside my own head coinciding with this wonderful sense of true calm and peace. But then I started to get a bunch of weird head pressure/headaches which started between my eyes and then worked its way all around my head and stuff and eventually worked its way out in some weird emotional outbursts where it felt like I was vomiting up every stale, nuanced variant of sadness and anger I'd ever felt. It would come in waves, feel like I actually had to throw up, and then instead of vomit coming out, my face would contort into an expression of anguish or anger and the emotions would come out. I'm a skeptics skeptic, but man did that shake my belief against all the various spiritual disciplines involving chi, and chakras and all that stuff I had considered total nonsense. Now I consider it at least to be some sort of poorly understood psychosomatic relationship deeply connecting the somatosensory and emotional parts of your brain. Strange and powerful stuff. I did not anticipate that much depth to a meditation practice. I still get a lot of weird muscle cramps in my shoulders when I start to turn on the continuous introspective awareness of my attention. It's nowhere near as bad as it was though. But I also don't sit for more than 30 min. anymore. The whole process was very cathartic but utterly bizarre.
dross 7y ago
I don't know the dose and will ask, but your experience matches my only experience and I hadn't looked into it before. Everything resolved to one entity, which was almost nothingness at the same time. As a solipsist, the experience and events leading up to it, including the peers that appeared to be guides, remain with me today. This was something I read leading up to it, http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html This video, during the experience, now defined as my most manic episode, was ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWOdtReCVw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWOdtReCVw It's hard to define.
- idclip 7y ago
  Yes! This is how my time loop began! Everything collapsed into one thing.
- idclip 7y ago
  Oh the egg is a lovely read. Ill give it a slower read tonight before bed. The video made me feel a bit argh tho. Heh
- bluntfang 7y ago
  >As a solipsist lolwut
- Chris_Chambers 7y ago
  You have terrible taste in music. I really hate people like you.
codebolt 7y ago
That's peculiar, I suffered basically the same exact delusion from a strong psychoactive experience I had in my teens.
- idclip 7y ago
  I actually think that’s very, very natural. The experience is also consistent with initiatory budhist awakenings, especially during death meditations. I believe it’s how we approach our fear of death, and how we are able to let go of the wrongs done to us by fellow humans. Grief is a powerful feeling and im still so thankful.
- btmorex 7y ago
  Interesting that you consider the ego-less state the delusion especially considering how humans start life off.
  - idclip 7y ago
    not sure why you got downvoted, maybe because you didn't expand on his use of the word delusion. i actually think you're right in pointing that out - i just wanted to comment on it too, that i wouldn't call it a delusion, and rather an exposition. even carl jung calls our intermediate awareness of the specific I experience as the ego conscienceness. in that same breadth, the initial state isn't itself complete either, which is why jung talks about unification of self and ego into the transcendent self, which is niether driven by instinct (initial self) - or sensation (ego), but rather grace (holy direction of what's "right", or zen nature), which to my understanding is instinct applied to the larger self as the collective). that kind of literature is pretty heavy, and interesting to read. tricky too, from a moral perspective. it's a shame that we think that stuff we experience on drugs isn't real, just because we stop thinking about it once the "drugs" wear off.
    - codebolt 7y ago
      The narrative that God is an eternal void that has become self aware and out of suffering decided to create/imagine a world of humans is not entirely implausible, but in the end it's just a story with no supporting evidence. Consider for example Max Tegmarks idea that the universe is a mathematical structure in an infinite set of platonically real mathematical structures. I don't believe this view to be true either, but it certainly has a few arguments in its favor. And it's completely incompatible with the former narrative. My point is that it's possible to conjure up different kinds of narratives to explain our existence. Believing in something just because you thought it up is the delusional part. It seems relevant to add that I've become a Christian later in life. But that's largely because of things that have happened to me first hand, that have led me to believe in a divine savior at work.
chasd00 7y ago
is a "ministamp" the same slang as "tab"? 15 tabs of LSD at once is beyond anything I've ever heard of. One tab of what i would take in college would yield about a 12-15 hour high. Granted, LSD has decreased significantly in potency over the years where marijuana has increased.
- idclip 7y ago
  it's just my own lingo. it does mean tab. they do look like little stamps to me. im not really a native english speaker or drug lingo expert so please allow my little idiosyncrasities to pass heh
mijoharas 7y ago
> I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that. Out of interest, why go for a dose that large? No judgement, I'm just genuinely curious.
- ryanlol 7y ago
  I can’t comment on the “first dose” part. But I personally find small doses of LSD far more speedy than larger doses. With larger doses it’s much easier to just lean back and enjoy the experience.
- idclip 7y ago
  i honestly just wanted to. i figured with a drug like LSD, i would get only one true first time. by temperament, im a risk taker and generally intense, so it makes sense that i would think and do it like that. maybe it helped that i looked up LSD toxicity, and didn't think 1500micrograms would kill me or make me go insane, though the latter was a very generous wager.
Calamity 7y ago
It was a little surreal to read your post. The "putting on a show to entertain myself" is essentially word for word how I would describe it. I generally have a hard time explaining it to others without starting to feel it's a ridiculous, convoluted or even egotistical (especially the whole "we're all god in a way"). In a way, whereas I used to be terrified of death, I now accept that immortality would be the more dreadful alternative. I remember treading on these ideas before having tried any type of drug. I've only ever gotten actually high on weed since then, but those experiences were generally not all that pleasant, e.g. had me becoming anxious/paranoid or generally overly introspective. That's also the reason that I've only ever microdosed LSD before as I fear getting actually high and falling into a more extreme version of that weed-induced paranoia/anxiety. Out of curiosity, do you still hold onto that experience of oneness or do you just leave it as a "drug-induced" hallucination?
- idclip 7y ago
  i hold on to it, albeit the intensity varies. if i meditate, it comes back in varying degrees. if i watch tv, binge or get stressed at work, i become what i call "ego focused", and can't feel that connection. it takes contemplation sometimes - writing about it put me back there. the visuals and the actual slowing down of time .. yeah that requires the drugs, although on one meditation retreat i did experience something similar, but much less intense. if anything, i gained more trust of my internal reality. i downright choose to see what i experience as truth. why must a hallucination not be true? it's been part of human experience since we can remember. as long as it doesn't turn into some odd horror show.. i find that these "hallucinations" are actually some form of deep communication with something significant inside us, and it's a crime to shun it away as less real than our day to day lives, which are mostly ego projections replaying childhood traumas, not really authentic either, yet we call those real life. edit; also man, try a goenka vipassana - a single hardcore meditation retreat will help you gain more trust in yourself and more trust in the process of life.
- gbjw 7y ago
  I've had that exact feeling of the 'dreadful alternative' of immortality under the influence of (in retrospect) way too much THC. Also, much of the perceived 'peace' and 'tranquility' some people describe feeling from a perception of being 'connected to everything' manifested the exact opposite feelings in me. All of a sudden I felt completely alone. I do not want to be 'one' with everything because that means there is nothing beyond me. Perhaps a more positive experience might be one in which you still feel distinct but nevertheless intimately connected with everything. I've done some psilocybin, but never reached anything close to 'ego-death.' I am curious to hear other people's thoughts on how these ego-less experiences make one at peace, and not in complete existential horror (I suppose if there is no ego, there is nothing to 'feel' the horror?).
Chris_Chambers 7y ago
Where did you acquire your LSD? Are you sure it was LSD? Not sure why I’m asking, you won’t see my comment thanks to the horrible shitbags who run this site.
freyr 7y ago
Cool story bro
- dang 7y ago
  Please don't do this here.
omarchowdhury 7y ago
> if god would to exist, he would have been the loneliest thing, and in his grief and loneliness, he gave birth to otherness, and here we are. You might enjoy this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Hidden_Treasure https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Hidden_Treasure
- idclip 7y ago
  I speak arabic so that was intense. After that moment i had, i actually believe that humanity misunderstood religion. It’s us. It’s me. And look how glorious it all is! Reading that was delightful, thank you.
gbjw 7y ago
Just want to add that I had a somewhat similar experience under the influence of THC (I had several edibles). I took away much the same 'revelation' of the true existential terror of 'oneness'. I felt like I was stuck in a 'perception loop' where I (and all of the world) was in an infinite self-referential loop and I was identical to that loop. The true terror came from me trying to 'break out' of the loop, and being unable to. I remember continually asking the question 'who perceives the perceiver?' and then reaching for an answer, only to be kicked 'up a level' in this recursive loop and starting the process all over again. Eventually I was overwhelmed by a Sisyphean resignation; I was condemned to exist in this loop for all time, continually confused, with nothing to ground 'myself' and in a constant battle against 'myself'. Looking back, the feeling of being 'trapped' was somewhat reminiscent of my experience of 'sleep paralysis' (and also occurred as I was falling asleep) though on an ineffably more terrifying scale. I'm not sure if other people who've experienced bad trips on weed (that are hallucinogenic in nature) have felt something similar. When I awoke the next day, I suddenly had the distinct realization that the existence of other living beings and their eventual death (as my own) was an immense gift. Eternal existence as some monistic 'God' suddenly appeared to be the ultimate hell.
- vjktyu 7y ago
  Sounds like a very well put summary of lamrim. The book also tells how to break the loop: learn to focus thoughts, understand the concept of emptiness, analyze this concept with laser focused attention. So I've been wondering what happens when someone on lsd enters this highly-focused mode and directs attention at the concept of emptiness.
  - gbjw 7y ago
    Ah, interesting. I have not read much about Tibetan Buddhism. Is the loop you are referring to specifically one of 'subjectivity' (i.e., the self perceiving the self) or the broader loop of reincarnation? Any recommended introductory books on the topic for a philosophically-inclined spiritually-inexperienced Westerner?
    - 7y ago

by idclip 7y ago

kneel 7y ago

Wow is that 1500ug? That's too much, even for an experienced user. You could do serious psychological damage to yourself at those levels.

apk-d 7y ago
To be honest, 1500ug could mean anything. The way street drugs are produced and sold, there's insane variance between what's "advertised" and what you actually get. Psychological damage wise, I actually wouldn't worry too much - at high doses your consciousness simply stops functioning.
- gexla 7y ago
  > there's insane variance between what's "advertised" and what you actually get And a good reason for not trusting street drugs. If you must do a hallucinogen, mushrooms are an option and you can pick them right out of the ground in certain places.
ryanlol 7y ago
I don’t know about that, I’ve found that I’m far more likely to have an uncomfortable experience with a small dose than a huge dose.
- idclip 7y ago
  This has definitely been my experience as well
idclip 7y ago
Yes, I do realize that i was very lucky, and very foolish. I felt extreme grief also for what i have done, and felt i was being irresponsible towards my body as if it was a creature on its own.
0x8BADF00D 7y ago
That’s the dosage necessary for a breakthrough trip, like you’d get on DMT.

Ididntdothis 7y ago

Watching a movie like The Joker on psychedelics seems a bad idea to me. The movie is already emotionally disturbing and I wouldn't want that disturbed world to get amplified and burned into my brain. Unless you are super experienced and know what you are getting into I would use psychedelics only for positive and supportive experiences.

idclip 7y ago
you know, i should say that i honestly thought it was a great movie, and the LSD made the gate scene very emotional, and the ending very, very intense and meaningful, i don't regret doing it.

webdva 7y ago

"Whoa, dude. That's, like... totally far out."

ailideex 7y ago

> I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that. You have that in SI units or something? I mean even imperial will help.

isoprophlex 7y ago
Micrograms, most likely. A 100 microgram blotter sounds pretty common, * 15.
- ailideex 7y ago
  > Micrograms, most likely Why most likely? Is it some common drug slang to refer to call µg a unit?
  - NikolaeVarius 7y ago
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microgram https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microgram
    - ailideex 7y ago
      I know what a microgram is, thanks.
  - Scalestein 7y ago
    It's basically the only unit used for LSD dosing and purchases
    - ailideex 7y ago
      Then why not call it µg if that is the unit that is used to dose it?
  - kjeetgill 7y ago
    That's just the unit that would make sense for LSD. The same way 6 units for one's height would make you guess feet not meters.

isoprophlex 7y ago

Having been there, do you feel that your attitude towards death has changed? For me, the experience was interesting but ultimately of limited practical applicability. I can totally relate to the "holy thoughts" you describe, but when back in baseline reality, I'm still the same neurotic, doubtful, agnostic rationalist.

GuiA 7y ago
You may have tried this already, and it may not work for you, but - a daily meditation practice, and general interest in Zen Buddhism, has helped me personally bring to my baseline reality some of the enlightenment I have felt during past psychedelic experiences.
- Enginerrrd 7y ago
  Same. But despite years of practice, it took reading The Mind Illuminated and sitting 45-60min every single day for 4-6 months before some walls started really breaking down. I lost my social anxiety and a lot of fear in general. But just a word of a caution: serious meditation practice is NOT all sunshine and rainbows. Most people eventually encounter a "washing of sins" or "dark night of the soul" phase that can be pretty gnarly if you're not expecting it. I didn't think to would happen to me but it really knocked me on my ass when it happened.
  - idclip 7y ago
    Its a glorious eye openning moment. I practice vipassana, and my third retreat pit me against a very insane part of me, accompanied by severe muscular convulsions. It all made me realize how little we understand about who and what we really are, and what ails us. I wish more would find out
    - Enginerrrd 7y ago
      Same! I had just started getting the phosphenes where I started seeing flashes of light that settled into this wonderful glow that seemed to come from inside my own head coinciding with this wonderful sense of true calm and peace. But then I started to get a bunch of weird head pressure/headaches which started between my eyes and then worked its way all around my head and stuff and eventually worked its way out in some weird emotional outbursts where it felt like I was vomiting up every stale, nuanced variant of sadness and anger I'd ever felt. It would come in waves, feel like I actually had to throw up, and then instead of vomit coming out, my face would contort into an expression of anguish or anger and the emotions would come out. I'm a skeptics skeptic, but man did that shake my belief against all the various spiritual disciplines involving chi, and chakras and all that stuff I had considered total nonsense. Now I consider it at least to be some sort of poorly understood psychosomatic relationship deeply connecting the somatosensory and emotional parts of your brain. Strange and powerful stuff. I did not anticipate that much depth to a meditation practice. I still get a lot of weird muscle cramps in my shoulders when I start to turn on the continuous introspective awareness of my attention. It's nowhere near as bad as it was though. But I also don't sit for more than 30 min. anymore. The whole process was very cathartic but utterly bizarre.

dross 7y ago

I don't know the dose and will ask, but your experience matches my only experience and I hadn't looked into it before. Everything resolved to one entity, which was almost nothingness at the same time. As a solipsist, the experience and events leading up to it, including the peers that appeared to be guides, remain with me today. This was something I read leading up to it, http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html This video, during the experience, now defined as my most manic episode, was ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWOdtReCVw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWOdtReCVw It's hard to define.

idclip 7y ago
Yes! This is how my time loop began! Everything collapsed into one thing.
idclip 7y ago
Oh the egg is a lovely read. Ill give it a slower read tonight before bed. The video made me feel a bit argh tho. Heh
bluntfang 7y ago
>As a solipsist lolwut
Chris_Chambers 7y ago
You have terrible taste in music. I really hate people like you.

codebolt 7y ago

That's peculiar, I suffered basically the same exact delusion from a strong psychoactive experience I had in my teens.

idclip 7y ago
I actually think that’s very, very natural. The experience is also consistent with initiatory budhist awakenings, especially during death meditations. I believe it’s how we approach our fear of death, and how we are able to let go of the wrongs done to us by fellow humans. Grief is a powerful feeling and im still so thankful.
btmorex 7y ago
Interesting that you consider the ego-less state the delusion especially considering how humans start life off.
- idclip 7y ago
  not sure why you got downvoted, maybe because you didn't expand on his use of the word delusion. i actually think you're right in pointing that out - i just wanted to comment on it too, that i wouldn't call it a delusion, and rather an exposition. even carl jung calls our intermediate awareness of the specific I experience as the ego conscienceness. in that same breadth, the initial state isn't itself complete either, which is why jung talks about unification of self and ego into the transcendent self, which is niether driven by instinct (initial self) - or sensation (ego), but rather grace (holy direction of what's "right", or zen nature), which to my understanding is instinct applied to the larger self as the collective). that kind of literature is pretty heavy, and interesting to read. tricky too, from a moral perspective. it's a shame that we think that stuff we experience on drugs isn't real, just because we stop thinking about it once the "drugs" wear off.
  - codebolt 7y ago
    The narrative that God is an eternal void that has become self aware and out of suffering decided to create/imagine a world of humans is not entirely implausible, but in the end it's just a story with no supporting evidence. Consider for example Max Tegmarks idea that the universe is a mathematical structure in an infinite set of platonically real mathematical structures. I don't believe this view to be true either, but it certainly has a few arguments in its favor. And it's completely incompatible with the former narrative. My point is that it's possible to conjure up different kinds of narratives to explain our existence. Believing in something just because you thought it up is the delusional part. It seems relevant to add that I've become a Christian later in life. But that's largely because of things that have happened to me first hand, that have led me to believe in a divine savior at work.

chasd00 7y ago

is a "ministamp" the same slang as "tab"? 15 tabs of LSD at once is beyond anything I've ever heard of. One tab of what i would take in college would yield about a 12-15 hour high. Granted, LSD has decreased significantly in potency over the years where marijuana has increased.

idclip 7y ago
it's just my own lingo. it does mean tab. they do look like little stamps to me. im not really a native english speaker or drug lingo expert so please allow my little idiosyncrasities to pass heh

mijoharas 7y ago

> I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that. Out of interest, why go for a dose that large? No judgement, I'm just genuinely curious.

ryanlol 7y ago
I can’t comment on the “first dose” part. But I personally find small doses of LSD far more speedy than larger doses. With larger doses it’s much easier to just lean back and enjoy the experience.
idclip 7y ago
i honestly just wanted to. i figured with a drug like LSD, i would get only one true first time. by temperament, im a risk taker and generally intense, so it makes sense that i would think and do it like that. maybe it helped that i looked up LSD toxicity, and didn't think 1500micrograms would kill me or make me go insane, though the latter was a very generous wager.

Calamity 7y ago

It was a little surreal to read your post. The "putting on a show to entertain myself" is essentially word for word how I would describe it. I generally have a hard time explaining it to others without starting to feel it's a ridiculous, convoluted or even egotistical (especially the whole "we're all god in a way"). In a way, whereas I used to be terrified of death, I now accept that immortality would be the more dreadful alternative. I remember treading on these ideas before having tried any type of drug. I've only ever gotten actually high on weed since then, but those experiences were generally not all that pleasant, e.g. had me becoming anxious/paranoid or generally overly introspective. That's also the reason that I've only ever microdosed LSD before as I fear getting actually high and falling into a more extreme version of that weed-induced paranoia/anxiety. Out of curiosity, do you still hold onto that experience of oneness or do you just leave it as a "drug-induced" hallucination?

idclip 7y ago
i hold on to it, albeit the intensity varies. if i meditate, it comes back in varying degrees. if i watch tv, binge or get stressed at work, i become what i call "ego focused", and can't feel that connection. it takes contemplation sometimes - writing about it put me back there. the visuals and the actual slowing down of time .. yeah that requires the drugs, although on one meditation retreat i did experience something similar, but much less intense. if anything, i gained more trust of my internal reality. i downright choose to see what i experience as truth. why must a hallucination not be true? it's been part of human experience since we can remember. as long as it doesn't turn into some odd horror show.. i find that these "hallucinations" are actually some form of deep communication with something significant inside us, and it's a crime to shun it away as less real than our day to day lives, which are mostly ego projections replaying childhood traumas, not really authentic either, yet we call those real life. edit; also man, try a goenka vipassana - a single hardcore meditation retreat will help you gain more trust in yourself and more trust in the process of life.
gbjw 7y ago
I've had that exact feeling of the 'dreadful alternative' of immortality under the influence of (in retrospect) way too much THC. Also, much of the perceived 'peace' and 'tranquility' some people describe feeling from a perception of being 'connected to everything' manifested the exact opposite feelings in me. All of a sudden I felt completely alone. I do not want to be 'one' with everything because that means there is nothing beyond me. Perhaps a more positive experience might be one in which you still feel distinct but nevertheless intimately connected with everything. I've done some psilocybin, but never reached anything close to 'ego-death.' I am curious to hear other people's thoughts on how these ego-less experiences make one at peace, and not in complete existential horror (I suppose if there is no ego, there is nothing to 'feel' the horror?).

Chris_Chambers 7y ago

Where did you acquire your LSD? Are you sure it was LSD? Not sure why I’m asking, you won’t see my comment thanks to the horrible shitbags who run this site.

freyr 7y ago

Cool story bro

dang 7y ago
Please don't do this here.

omarchowdhury 7y ago

> if god would to exist, he would have been the loneliest thing, and in his grief and loneliness, he gave birth to otherness, and here we are. You might enjoy this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Hidden_Treasure https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Hidden_Treasure

idclip 7y ago
I speak arabic so that was intense. After that moment i had, i actually believe that humanity misunderstood religion. It’s us. It’s me. And look how glorious it all is! Reading that was delightful, thank you.

gbjw 7y ago

Just want to add that I had a somewhat similar experience under the influence of THC (I had several edibles). I took away much the same 'revelation' of the true existential terror of 'oneness'. I felt like I was stuck in a 'perception loop' where I (and all of the world) was in an infinite self-referential loop and I was identical to that loop. The true terror came from me trying to 'break out' of the loop, and being unable to. I remember continually asking the question 'who perceives the perceiver?' and then reaching for an answer, only to be kicked 'up a level' in this recursive loop and starting the process all over again. Eventually I was overwhelmed by a Sisyphean resignation; I was condemned to exist in this loop for all time, continually confused, with nothing to ground 'myself' and in a constant battle against 'myself'. Looking back, the feeling of being 'trapped' was somewhat reminiscent of my experience of 'sleep paralysis' (and also occurred as I was falling asleep) though on an ineffably more terrifying scale. I'm not sure if other people who've experienced bad trips on weed (that are hallucinogenic in nature) have felt something similar. When I awoke the next day, I suddenly had the distinct realization that the existence of other living beings and their eventual death (as my own) was an immense gift. Eternal existence as some monistic 'God' suddenly appeared to be the ultimate hell.

vjktyu 7y ago
Sounds like a very well put summary of lamrim. The book also tells how to break the loop: learn to focus thoughts, understand the concept of emptiness, analyze this concept with laser focused attention. So I've been wondering what happens when someone on lsd enters this highly-focused mode and directs attention at the concept of emptiness.
- gbjw 7y ago
  Ah, interesting. I have not read much about Tibetan Buddhism. Is the loop you are referring to specifically one of 'subjectivity' (i.e., the self perceiving the self) or the broader loop of reincarnation? Any recommended introductory books on the topic for a philosophically-inclined spiritually-inexperienced Westerner?
  - 7y ago