6 ms·

Just to satisfy my own curiosity, what is your use case for paying for sex? Married? High powered executive? I can't imagine paying for something that is easily

Just to satisfy my own curiosity, what is your use case for paying for sex? Married? High powered executive? I can't imagine paying for something that is easily free on a million different dating apps.

jandrese 7y ago
Not to be too mean here, but perhaps the OP doesn't have an easy time finding willing partners in the traditional dating scene. Maybe they have the kind of look that makes women swipe left.
- di4na 7y ago
  Or maybe they prefer to pay to not have to spend their time going through the whole pain to find someone, make them interested, etc etc all with the risk of being for nothing. If you have the money, it is a good way to cut on time spent.
- overcast 7y ago
  It's possible, but in my experience, there is someone for everyone. I suppose if the goal is to hit way above your weight, paying makes sense. Money does seem to have that effect on women. But if you have that much, you should be able to pull it easily without prostitution?
  - colmvp 7y ago
    > It's possible, but in my experience, there is someone for everyone. lol citation needed. I've used dating apps for the last four years. I've gotten maybe 3-4 dates per year, and 0 relationships out of it.
    - Pigo 7y ago
      I met my wife on a dating app. She was my girlfriend in junior high and just happened to have gotten a divorce, and was starting to date again. So it worked for me :) Just try to find someone you've already had a relationship with. Seriously though, I feel your pain. I had let the account lapse for months before I happened to get back on there and see that she had written me. Dating apps become a joke exponentially as you get older.
    - overcast 7y ago
      Please take this as friendly. It sounds like maybe you're setting your expectations too high, and not giving other women a chance. In my experience women take what you write in your profile seriously. Spend what you would consider an inordinate amount of time perfecting it, like you would a resume for big job prospect. Get great photos taken of yourself, this doesn't require money or a professional service. Find good light, take lots, use the best of them. Grainy, poorly lit, unflattering photos will be dismissed quickly. Don't make them all selfies. You want to show off your best features, and what makes you, well you. But seriously, work on what you say in your profile. Nearly every response I get from a woman, is about how well my profile is written.
      - throwno 7y ago
        Tinder: LinkedIn for sex! Modernity is awful. The only good thing is improved medical care and food security. Everything is else is just bad.
        woah 7y ago
        Are you yearning for the days when you would be matched with the one available woman in your village? (She’s your second cousin, btw)
        throwno 7y ago
        Luckily for me the Catholic Church banned cousin marriages and arranged marriages centuries ago. But, yeah, I suppose for people outside of the occident applying for sex on a website as if you are applying for a coding job might be an improvement.
      - Mirioron 7y ago
        You still need to be somewhat attractive for all of this to matter. Not everyone is.
        n0rbwah 7y ago
        Not really a serious advice but there it is: if you can fix some of it with some light photoshopping, do it. Plenty of women do it too and for many of them it's not at all light. Think of it as polishing your CV by omitting some embarrassing stuff and putting forwards the things you want. Your goal shouldn't be to be 100% honest when writing your profile/CV. Just to make it enticing enough to get your foot in the door.
    - curryst 7y ago
      That really sucks. I moved and have spent some time working on my profiles, so I'll share my advice if you want it. I usually get 7 or 8 likes per week, usually 1-2 that I'm interested in talking to, and usually go on a date with a new person every couple of weeks. First advice, pay for the premium service on the apps. I know it's not cheap, but being able to see who liked you is a huge gain. I've had very little success getting matches otherwise unless I was going to spend way too much time swiping. And it's still drastically cheaper than a match maker. Secondly, when writing your profile and choosing pictures, you want to make choices based on the women looking at your profile's perspective. Does he look good? Does he seem interesting? Do we have things to talk about? Share some interesting bits about your life that women might find interesting and want to ask you about. Have you gone anywhere cool lately? Have you picked up any interesting hobbies? (But stay away from esoteric stuff. Database design is cool, but very few people will get it). Maybe you cooked something really cool and exotic for dinner the other day. Don't try to be overly impressive. If you want to look fancy, have selfies of yourself before you went to an event in a suit, or maybe at the event. Make sure the focus is on you, instead of the event/car/house/whatever. But it can always be in the background. Trying to be overly impressive comes off one dimensional, like you aren't interesting other than puffing yourself up. Showing that you're doing well and are a well adjusted, successful person is good, you just have to make sure it's a facet of your profile instead of a focus. Make sure you keep your standards reasonable. We would all love to date a neuroscientist who's a lingerie model in her spare time. Those women are exceedingly rare, and even rarer on dating apps. They probably don't need a dating app to keep a full dance card. Swiping really screws up your perspective of what the dating pool looks like. Your feed is always full of absurdly attractive women, but keep in mind that a lot of those are fake profiles. Lastly, make sure you iterate. Take the dates you can get, even if they're not perfect to you. Maybe they're better than you thought; if not, use it as a learning experience. What did they like about you? What didn't they? You can use that feedback to adjust your profile and how you communicate to make yourself more appealing. Plus, going on dates is pretty much universally fun, so there isn't much to lose!
  - 0xcde4c3db 7y ago
    There's a huge gap between making enough money to pay a sex worker from time to time and social-status "money".
  - throwno 7y ago
    What about in Asian countries that due to excessive abortion have a skewed male to female ratio? In those countries, there literally is not someone for everyone. That doesn't justify legalizing sex work, however. "Wow, we aborted all the women! I know, lets turn the few that are left into prostitutes!" No, that is sick.
- commandlinefan 7y ago
  > the kind of look that makes women swipe left. I'm too old for dating apps, so I've never used one, but don't nearly all women swipe left (that is, reject) something like 80-85% of men on these apps?
  - saddestcatever 7y ago
    I don't have the numbers on hand, but it's likely even more drastic. The original blog post has long since been deleting (https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0...), but according to one of the OKCupid founders: > [Women] rate a whopping 80% of men on the site as ‘below average’. You can imagine that people aren't swiping for "average", so the selected percentage would be even less. Link: https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/ https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/
    - Red_Leaves_Flyy 7y ago
      It's hard not to. The average actor you see on TV is >8. If you show someone a subset of a population to represent the majority them you'll cause them to expect that. Which is my hypothesis behind why 80% of women are vying for 20% of men. I think, in general, men are more willingto compromise on appearance than women.
whb07 7y ago
Often overlooked, but also no one thinks about the guy in a wheel chair or with some random disease. They too have sexual needs, perhaps a once a month bj would lift the mood and with it improve the well being of the guy.
- overcast 7y ago
  That's why I'm asking! I was more referring to someone spending $400 to get laid, not the $20 blowjob guys.
FartyMcFarter 7y ago
This may sum it up: http://freakonomics.com/2009/02/06/i-pay-them-to-leave/ http://freakonomics.com/2009/02/06/i-pay-them-to-leave/ > A business exec told me that he thinks of consulting firms a bit like Charlie Sheen thinks about prostitutes. When I asked him to explain, he said that when Sheen was being sentenced for using a prostitute, the judge asked him why a man like him would have to pay for sex. And Sheen reportedly replied: “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.”
neurobashing 7y ago
Tinder (and presumably, dating apps in general) are in reality likely horrible for actually meeting people [1] [2]. [1] https://theoutline.com/post/3402/tinder-is-not-actually-for-meeting-anyone?zd=1&zi=76law6b4 https://theoutline.com/post/3402/tinder-is-not-actually-for-... [2] https://theoutline.com/post/3711/the-tinder-struggle-visualized?zd=1&zi=sgobd7u7 https://theoutline.com/post/3711/the-tinder-struggle-visuali...
- jfengel 7y ago
  In my experience, I had better luck than he did, though not by orders of magnitude. 3,000 swipes per date seems high. I'd guess it's closer to 1,000. But he makes it sound like deathly drudgery, and I think that's missing the point. It's "gamified" to give you bits of positive feedback. Matching feels good, like a little compliment. One doesn't have to enjoy that; not every game is for everybody. And the process itself should be interesting: the swiping process is a lot of momentary life stories. A picture really is a thousand words. If you're not interested in it, then the app isn't for you, but it is for some people. So I suspect "horrible" is in the eye of the beholder. Yeah, I invested a fair bit of time per date, but it was reasonably rewarding time. I met a lot of great people, including some relationships that lasted years. The main lesson I wish I'd knew going in: the population is densest in cities. It's less effective in the burbs. Duh, of course, but I spent a lot more time traveling into the city than I'd bargained for. That's the only time I really regret about it.
  - mrguyorama 7y ago
    The fact of the matter in Tinder for men is: if you aren't a 9.5 or 10, your chances quickly approach zero. Let a sister or female friend swipe for you sometime and watch how literally any small and random thing is an excuse to swipe left. Women have the freedom to be picky on dating apps, and they absolutely are.
    - jfengel 7y ago
      I assure you, I am not a 9.5, and I did very, very well on Tinder. I'm not actively ugly, but there are plenty of small things a woman being picky would reject. I swear, I should make a career in fixing people's dating profiles. Though the hard part is fixing their attitudes about women, which is the real thing holding them back. If I could fix that, they'd know how to fix their profiles.
mattferderer 7y ago
Tim Ferris did an episode with a lady named Alice Little who was referenced to as the highest paid sex worker. It explained a lot of reasons why couples or individuals hire her. https://tim.blog/2017/11/17/alice-little/ https://tim.blog/2017/11/17/alice-little/
FussyZeus 7y ago
You talk about this in such a way that makes me think you're a virgin. In the odd event you're telling the truth, I'm guessing you're rife with STDs. I can see lots of benefits with just paying for it. They show up, do the thing, and leave. You get to determine when and where (mostly). You get an enthusiastic partner regardless of the effort you yourself put in, and exactly the sort of sex you want. If I had the money for it, I'd probably do it too.
- overcast 7y ago
  This was really uncalled for. Nothing I wrote, has anything to do with what you wrote in the first two sentences. I was asking a question, because I was curious as to the reason.
  - FussyZeus 7y ago
    It wasn't meant as an insult but the fact you take it as such a slight kind of leads me to the same conclusions. Nothing wrong with it. It's just the way you're talking about sex doesn't match up with any reality I've ever heard of.
- dang 7y ago
  Personal attacks like this are obviously not allowed on HN. We ban accounts that do that. No more of this, please. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
PhasmaFelis 7y ago
> I can't imagine paying for something that is easily free on a million different dating apps. I have enough friends who use dating apps to know they're only "easy" if you're young, conventionally attractive, and (preferably) female. A typical middle-aged American guy can swipe through hundreds or thousands of profiles without even getting an response, let alone sex.
crazygringo 7y ago
I'm not defending it, but just to educate you: "easily free" is as far from the truth as it could be. The reality is: Spend hours picking photos and putting together a profile. Now for each person you have sex with, imagine you spent another 5 hours swiping, yet another 5 hours getting maybe 20 conversations going, which turn into 5 actual first dates (budget 5 hours each for prep, transportation, cancelling and rescheduling, etc.), assume 3 of them have zero chemistry, the other 2 are cool but the chances that someone will sleep with you on a first date is very rare, you go on a second date with them both but again no sex this time just for practical reasons (it's a weeknight, they work early, it takes an hour to get home), it fizzles out with one (no third date), the second one has a vacation planned, but three weeks later you finally have a third date and sleep together. Mission accomplished. Probably a total investment of 40-60 hours across 2 months. And this assumes you even live in an urban area in the first place where there are 10,000's of people your age to swipe through. You still call that "easily free"? Contrary to what you might think, dating apps are not full of girls looking for a quick first-date hookup. Sure, they're out there, but it's extremely rare that you'll a) find one at all, b) that she wants to hook up with you, c) that you actually meet and it actually happens. Just the reality of things. By the way, this is also why the narrative of dating apps killing relationships is false. By the time you've put in 60 hours finding someone you're compatible with, you hope to god you can keep going out with them, instead of going back to square one and doing it all over again. Dating apps are work.
- bagacrap 7y ago
  Have you ever tried being really really ridiculously good looking?
  - quacked 7y ago
    Yeah, commenter you're responding to is basically saying "to get a coding job, you'll need to look through dozens of job sites, prepare for interviews, fail a bunch, keep up-to-date on your skills, take informational interviews, and heavily work personal connections." Unless you're a standout prodigy, in which case people will message your LinkedIn begging you to consider interviewing for six-figure positions.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
throw597643 7y ago
> I can't imagine paying for something that is easily free on a million different dating apps. You can pay for sex with women that look like Victoria’s Secret models or Playboy Playmates. If you are just looking for casual sex, the amount of time, effort, and definitely luck to match with someone like that is rare. For people that aren’t born handsome, tall, or physically attractive, the ability to earn money is a great equalizer. Of course this is for casual sex. It’s different if you are actually looking for a long term relationship.
stevenwoo 7y ago
My understanding from reddit comments on posts that show up in /r/all, almost all the NSFW photos not from pornography that make it to the front page are from escorts, and the /r/tinder success percentage for males is less than one percent for all but the super hot so I could see how some might give up on the time investment in online hookup culture for a sure thing.
- pests 7y ago
  There is tons of non-escort NSFW content on Reddit or on /r/all. You are probably just a the victim of their (now successful) marketing efforts.
dnddbduehbehdbd 7y ago
I am GP. I’d liken it to the difference between cooking and going to a restaurant. There are benefits to both. I do date and I do enjoy it. But sometimes I want something specific, just the way I like it. If I just want a 5’7” redhead with larger than C cup breasts tonight, I can have it. That’s not what dating is like. Recently after hearing a lot about “eating ass” I wanted to know what it felt like. I texted an agency owner I know and asked her if she had someone willing, and was literally having my ass eaten the next day. Try texting a girl on Tinder “will you lick my asshole?” (Don’t.) And just like there’s something great about finishing a meal and knowing there is no cleanup to do, it’s great sometimes to have a hot girl open her door, set your eyes on her for the first time, and know that with 100% certainty you’ll be having sex with her in ten minutes. The cost is high, so I can’t indulge every week, but I end up doing about once a month. This is all with women over 30 years old, totally consensual, so there are no ethical concerns for me. Sure they wouldn’t be doing it for free, but that’s true of anyone in any job.
- overcast 7y ago
  Thank you for the honest response, this is exactly what I was looking for. It makes sense now for those type of use cases. My train of thought was going only down the avenue of desperation.
  - Red_Leaves_Flyy 7y ago
    Those sad souls on the avenues of desperation probably aren't frequenting 4-500 ladies. They're picking up broken, abused, and now more likely to trafficked, girls for a $20 5 minute blower in a McDonald's parking lot.
ActorNightly 7y ago
"Easily free" is a gross overstatement. If you are a guy, and you don't have good social skills or intuition, and you don't pay attention to your looks, you will have zero luck. Those apps are heavily skewed towards female choice due to the safety and a much higher demand for sex on the male side for a number of reasons. And before you say that anyone should be able to do that, not everyone has the same supply of emotional energy for self betterment, which is an extra on top of what is required to live life day to day

jandrese 7y ago

Not to be too mean here, but perhaps the OP doesn't have an easy time finding willing partners in the traditional dating scene. Maybe they have the kind of look that makes women swipe left.

di4na 7y ago
Or maybe they prefer to pay to not have to spend their time going through the whole pain to find someone, make them interested, etc etc all with the risk of being for nothing. If you have the money, it is a good way to cut on time spent.
overcast 7y ago
It's possible, but in my experience, there is someone for everyone. I suppose if the goal is to hit way above your weight, paying makes sense. Money does seem to have that effect on women. But if you have that much, you should be able to pull it easily without prostitution?
- colmvp 7y ago
  > It's possible, but in my experience, there is someone for everyone. lol citation needed. I've used dating apps for the last four years. I've gotten maybe 3-4 dates per year, and 0 relationships out of it.
  - Pigo 7y ago
    I met my wife on a dating app. She was my girlfriend in junior high and just happened to have gotten a divorce, and was starting to date again. So it worked for me :) Just try to find someone you've already had a relationship with. Seriously though, I feel your pain. I had let the account lapse for months before I happened to get back on there and see that she had written me. Dating apps become a joke exponentially as you get older.
  - overcast 7y ago
    Please take this as friendly. It sounds like maybe you're setting your expectations too high, and not giving other women a chance. In my experience women take what you write in your profile seriously. Spend what you would consider an inordinate amount of time perfecting it, like you would a resume for big job prospect. Get great photos taken of yourself, this doesn't require money or a professional service. Find good light, take lots, use the best of them. Grainy, poorly lit, unflattering photos will be dismissed quickly. Don't make them all selfies. You want to show off your best features, and what makes you, well you. But seriously, work on what you say in your profile. Nearly every response I get from a woman, is about how well my profile is written.
    - throwno 7y ago
      Tinder: LinkedIn for sex! Modernity is awful. The only good thing is improved medical care and food security. Everything is else is just bad.
      - woah 7y ago
        Are you yearning for the days when you would be matched with the one available woman in your village? (She’s your second cousin, btw)
        throwno 7y ago
        Luckily for me the Catholic Church banned cousin marriages and arranged marriages centuries ago. But, yeah, I suppose for people outside of the occident applying for sex on a website as if you are applying for a coding job might be an improvement.
    - Mirioron 7y ago
      You still need to be somewhat attractive for all of this to matter. Not everyone is.
      - n0rbwah 7y ago
        Not really a serious advice but there it is: if you can fix some of it with some light photoshopping, do it. Plenty of women do it too and for many of them it's not at all light. Think of it as polishing your CV by omitting some embarrassing stuff and putting forwards the things you want. Your goal shouldn't be to be 100% honest when writing your profile/CV. Just to make it enticing enough to get your foot in the door.
  - curryst 7y ago
    That really sucks. I moved and have spent some time working on my profiles, so I'll share my advice if you want it. I usually get 7 or 8 likes per week, usually 1-2 that I'm interested in talking to, and usually go on a date with a new person every couple of weeks. First advice, pay for the premium service on the apps. I know it's not cheap, but being able to see who liked you is a huge gain. I've had very little success getting matches otherwise unless I was going to spend way too much time swiping. And it's still drastically cheaper than a match maker. Secondly, when writing your profile and choosing pictures, you want to make choices based on the women looking at your profile's perspective. Does he look good? Does he seem interesting? Do we have things to talk about? Share some interesting bits about your life that women might find interesting and want to ask you about. Have you gone anywhere cool lately? Have you picked up any interesting hobbies? (But stay away from esoteric stuff. Database design is cool, but very few people will get it). Maybe you cooked something really cool and exotic for dinner the other day. Don't try to be overly impressive. If you want to look fancy, have selfies of yourself before you went to an event in a suit, or maybe at the event. Make sure the focus is on you, instead of the event/car/house/whatever. But it can always be in the background. Trying to be overly impressive comes off one dimensional, like you aren't interesting other than puffing yourself up. Showing that you're doing well and are a well adjusted, successful person is good, you just have to make sure it's a facet of your profile instead of a focus. Make sure you keep your standards reasonable. We would all love to date a neuroscientist who's a lingerie model in her spare time. Those women are exceedingly rare, and even rarer on dating apps. They probably don't need a dating app to keep a full dance card. Swiping really screws up your perspective of what the dating pool looks like. Your feed is always full of absurdly attractive women, but keep in mind that a lot of those are fake profiles. Lastly, make sure you iterate. Take the dates you can get, even if they're not perfect to you. Maybe they're better than you thought; if not, use it as a learning experience. What did they like about you? What didn't they? You can use that feedback to adjust your profile and how you communicate to make yourself more appealing. Plus, going on dates is pretty much universally fun, so there isn't much to lose!
- 0xcde4c3db 7y ago
  There's a huge gap between making enough money to pay a sex worker from time to time and social-status "money".
- throwno 7y ago
  What about in Asian countries that due to excessive abortion have a skewed male to female ratio? In those countries, there literally is not someone for everyone. That doesn't justify legalizing sex work, however. "Wow, we aborted all the women! I know, lets turn the few that are left into prostitutes!" No, that is sick.
commandlinefan 7y ago
> the kind of look that makes women swipe left. I'm too old for dating apps, so I've never used one, but don't nearly all women swipe left (that is, reject) something like 80-85% of men on these apps?
- saddestcatever 7y ago
  I don't have the numbers on hand, but it's likely even more drastic. The original blog post has long since been deleting (https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0...), but according to one of the OKCupid founders: > [Women] rate a whopping 80% of men on the site as ‘below average’. You can imagine that people aren't swiping for "average", so the selected percentage would be even less. Link: https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/ https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/
  - Red_Leaves_Flyy 7y ago
    It's hard not to. The average actor you see on TV is >8. If you show someone a subset of a population to represent the majority them you'll cause them to expect that. Which is my hypothesis behind why 80% of women are vying for 20% of men. I think, in general, men are more willingto compromise on appearance than women.

whb07 7y ago

Often overlooked, but also no one thinks about the guy in a wheel chair or with some random disease. They too have sexual needs, perhaps a once a month bj would lift the mood and with it improve the well being of the guy.

overcast 7y ago
That's why I'm asking! I was more referring to someone spending $400 to get laid, not the $20 blowjob guys.

FartyMcFarter 7y ago

This may sum it up: http://freakonomics.com/2009/02/06/i-pay-them-to-leave/ http://freakonomics.com/2009/02/06/i-pay-them-to-leave/ > A business exec told me that he thinks of consulting firms a bit like Charlie Sheen thinks about prostitutes. When I asked him to explain, he said that when Sheen was being sentenced for using a prostitute, the judge asked him why a man like him would have to pay for sex. And Sheen reportedly replied: “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.”

neurobashing 7y ago

Tinder (and presumably, dating apps in general) are in reality likely horrible for actually meeting people [1] [2]. [1] https://theoutline.com/post/3402/tinder-is-not-actually-for-meeting-anyone?zd=1&zi=76law6b4 https://theoutline.com/post/3402/tinder-is-not-actually-for-... [2] https://theoutline.com/post/3711/the-tinder-struggle-visualized?zd=1&zi=sgobd7u7 https://theoutline.com/post/3711/the-tinder-struggle-visuali...

jfengel 7y ago
In my experience, I had better luck than he did, though not by orders of magnitude. 3,000 swipes per date seems high. I'd guess it's closer to 1,000. But he makes it sound like deathly drudgery, and I think that's missing the point. It's "gamified" to give you bits of positive feedback. Matching feels good, like a little compliment. One doesn't have to enjoy that; not every game is for everybody. And the process itself should be interesting: the swiping process is a lot of momentary life stories. A picture really is a thousand words. If you're not interested in it, then the app isn't for you, but it is for some people. So I suspect "horrible" is in the eye of the beholder. Yeah, I invested a fair bit of time per date, but it was reasonably rewarding time. I met a lot of great people, including some relationships that lasted years. The main lesson I wish I'd knew going in: the population is densest in cities. It's less effective in the burbs. Duh, of course, but I spent a lot more time traveling into the city than I'd bargained for. That's the only time I really regret about it.
- mrguyorama 7y ago
  The fact of the matter in Tinder for men is: if you aren't a 9.5 or 10, your chances quickly approach zero. Let a sister or female friend swipe for you sometime and watch how literally any small and random thing is an excuse to swipe left. Women have the freedom to be picky on dating apps, and they absolutely are.
  - jfengel 7y ago
    I assure you, I am not a 9.5, and I did very, very well on Tinder. I'm not actively ugly, but there are plenty of small things a woman being picky would reject. I swear, I should make a career in fixing people's dating profiles. Though the hard part is fixing their attitudes about women, which is the real thing holding them back. If I could fix that, they'd know how to fix their profiles.

mattferderer 7y ago

Tim Ferris did an episode with a lady named Alice Little who was referenced to as the highest paid sex worker. It explained a lot of reasons why couples or individuals hire her. https://tim.blog/2017/11/17/alice-little/ https://tim.blog/2017/11/17/alice-little/

FussyZeus 7y ago

You talk about this in such a way that makes me think you're a virgin. In the odd event you're telling the truth, I'm guessing you're rife with STDs. I can see lots of benefits with just paying for it. They show up, do the thing, and leave. You get to determine when and where (mostly). You get an enthusiastic partner regardless of the effort you yourself put in, and exactly the sort of sex you want. If I had the money for it, I'd probably do it too.

overcast 7y ago
This was really uncalled for. Nothing I wrote, has anything to do with what you wrote in the first two sentences. I was asking a question, because I was curious as to the reason.
- FussyZeus 7y ago
  It wasn't meant as an insult but the fact you take it as such a slight kind of leads me to the same conclusions. Nothing wrong with it. It's just the way you're talking about sex doesn't match up with any reality I've ever heard of.
dang 7y ago
Personal attacks like this are obviously not allowed on HN. We ban accounts that do that. No more of this, please. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

PhasmaFelis 7y ago

> I can't imagine paying for something that is easily free on a million different dating apps. I have enough friends who use dating apps to know they're only "easy" if you're young, conventionally attractive, and (preferably) female. A typical middle-aged American guy can swipe through hundreds or thousands of profiles without even getting an response, let alone sex.

crazygringo 7y ago

I'm not defending it, but just to educate you: "easily free" is as far from the truth as it could be. The reality is: Spend hours picking photos and putting together a profile. Now for each person you have sex with, imagine you spent another 5 hours swiping, yet another 5 hours getting maybe 20 conversations going, which turn into 5 actual first dates (budget 5 hours each for prep, transportation, cancelling and rescheduling, etc.), assume 3 of them have zero chemistry, the other 2 are cool but the chances that someone will sleep with you on a first date is very rare, you go on a second date with them both but again no sex this time just for practical reasons (it's a weeknight, they work early, it takes an hour to get home), it fizzles out with one (no third date), the second one has a vacation planned, but three weeks later you finally have a third date and sleep together. Mission accomplished. Probably a total investment of 40-60 hours across 2 months. And this assumes you even live in an urban area in the first place where there are 10,000's of people your age to swipe through. You still call that "easily free"? Contrary to what you might think, dating apps are not full of girls looking for a quick first-date hookup. Sure, they're out there, but it's extremely rare that you'll a) find one at all, b) that she wants to hook up with you, c) that you actually meet and it actually happens. Just the reality of things. By the way, this is also why the narrative of dating apps killing relationships is false. By the time you've put in 60 hours finding someone you're compatible with, you hope to god you can keep going out with them, instead of going back to square one and doing it all over again. Dating apps are work.

bagacrap 7y ago
Have you ever tried being really really ridiculously good looking?
- quacked 7y ago
  Yeah, commenter you're responding to is basically saying "to get a coding job, you'll need to look through dozens of job sites, prepare for interviews, fail a bunch, keep up-to-date on your skills, take informational interviews, and heavily work personal connections." Unless you're a standout prodigy, in which case people will message your LinkedIn begging you to consider interviewing for six-figure positions.

deleted 7y ago

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throw597643 7y ago

> I can't imagine paying for something that is easily free on a million different dating apps. You can pay for sex with women that look like Victoria’s Secret models or Playboy Playmates. If you are just looking for casual sex, the amount of time, effort, and definitely luck to match with someone like that is rare. For people that aren’t born handsome, tall, or physically attractive, the ability to earn money is a great equalizer. Of course this is for casual sex. It’s different if you are actually looking for a long term relationship.

stevenwoo 7y ago

My understanding from reddit comments on posts that show up in /r/all, almost all the NSFW photos not from pornography that make it to the front page are from escorts, and the /r/tinder success percentage for males is less than one percent for all but the super hot so I could see how some might give up on the time investment in online hookup culture for a sure thing.

pests 7y ago
There is tons of non-escort NSFW content on Reddit or on /r/all. You are probably just a the victim of their (now successful) marketing efforts.

dnddbduehbehdbd 7y ago

I am GP. I’d liken it to the difference between cooking and going to a restaurant. There are benefits to both. I do date and I do enjoy it. But sometimes I want something specific, just the way I like it. If I just want a 5’7” redhead with larger than C cup breasts tonight, I can have it. That’s not what dating is like. Recently after hearing a lot about “eating ass” I wanted to know what it felt like. I texted an agency owner I know and asked her if she had someone willing, and was literally having my ass eaten the next day. Try texting a girl on Tinder “will you lick my asshole?” (Don’t.) And just like there’s something great about finishing a meal and knowing there is no cleanup to do, it’s great sometimes to have a hot girl open her door, set your eyes on her for the first time, and know that with 100% certainty you’ll be having sex with her in ten minutes. The cost is high, so I can’t indulge every week, but I end up doing about once a month. This is all with women over 30 years old, totally consensual, so there are no ethical concerns for me. Sure they wouldn’t be doing it for free, but that’s true of anyone in any job.

overcast 7y ago
Thank you for the honest response, this is exactly what I was looking for. It makes sense now for those type of use cases. My train of thought was going only down the avenue of desperation.
- Red_Leaves_Flyy 7y ago
  Those sad souls on the avenues of desperation probably aren't frequenting 4-500 ladies. They're picking up broken, abused, and now more likely to trafficked, girls for a $20 5 minute blower in a McDonald's parking lot.

ActorNightly 7y ago

"Easily free" is a gross overstatement. If you are a guy, and you don't have good social skills or intuition, and you don't pay attention to your looks, you will have zero luck. Those apps are heavily skewed towards female choice due to the safety and a much higher demand for sex on the male side for a number of reasons. And before you say that anyone should be able to do that, not everyone has the same supply of emotional energy for self betterment, which is an extra on top of what is required to live life day to day