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This advice is, in my experience, a low quality action item. I saw incredible progress in my life when I modeled the interactions. You can model interactions as

This advice is, in my experience, a low quality action item. I saw incredible progress in my life when I modeled the interactions. You can model interactions as information exchange, etc. and you can also model out the increased value of maintaining repeated interactions. It’s just another way of learning a skill: good human interactions. Be yourself / don’t model / etc. works for those who are able to take this analogy to children learning language (in a natural way) vs. learning language by studying grammar and vocabulary systematically. The former is desirable because it’s speedy, you grow the skills you use most (so it reinforces the right things) but sometimes it’s just not available. That can happen just because you suck at it. There are very limited ways other people’s lives are better than mine (as an existence proof) and I used to model interactions. I stopped when my skill reached unconscious competence.

asveikau 7y ago
The problem is that the over-analysis is a form of stress. As is worrying about your own poor skills. In the ideal case, you don't care about either thing. I know sometimes it's easier said than done. But I've definitely found stress reduction in the past when I stop caring about some of this.
ineedasername 7y ago
And the thing about "children learning language" is that all sorts of bad habits are often picked up that don't conform to standard grammar, not to mention following rules without really understanding why they're there or what they do. Social rules are even less concrete, meaning that learning the amorphous set of unwritten rules, guidelines, best practices, etc.,through analysis more than osmosis may let you know when it's okay to bend or break one.
- asveikau 7y ago
  There is not really such thing as a bad habit in language. If you are understood by others, that is the grammar of the language. Full stop.
  - scarejunba 7y ago
    There are language and speech patterns that will provide an advantage in life to any person willing to follow them.
  - ineedasername 7y ago
    Not quite "full stop", no. That is a utilitarian view of language that does not take into account the social side of speaking a certain way. There is an abundance of social stratification in language, and the ability to code switch in different social environments is an important skill. It doesn't matter that you would still be understood if you did not do so, what matters are the pragmatics and social labeling attached to speaking in/out of the current group's mode of speaking. It is true that the formal study of linguistics (which was my own area of advanced degree) does not consider there to be an absolute correct way of speaking, that "grammar" is not some unchanging and inherently correct set of rules. They are, instead, a social convention. And like many other social conventions, breaking their rules has consequences, and understanding those rules and consequences is important to navigating in social environments.

asveikau 7y ago

The problem is that the over-analysis is a form of stress. As is worrying about your own poor skills. In the ideal case, you don't care about either thing. I know sometimes it's easier said than done. But I've definitely found stress reduction in the past when I stop caring about some of this.

ineedasername 7y ago

And the thing about "children learning language" is that all sorts of bad habits are often picked up that don't conform to standard grammar, not to mention following rules without really understanding why they're there or what they do. Social rules are even less concrete, meaning that learning the amorphous set of unwritten rules, guidelines, best practices, etc.,through analysis more than osmosis may let you know when it's okay to bend or break one.

asveikau 7y ago
There is not really such thing as a bad habit in language. If you are understood by others, that is the grammar of the language. Full stop.
- scarejunba 7y ago
  There are language and speech patterns that will provide an advantage in life to any person willing to follow them.
- ineedasername 7y ago
  Not quite "full stop", no. That is a utilitarian view of language that does not take into account the social side of speaking a certain way. There is an abundance of social stratification in language, and the ability to code switch in different social environments is an important skill. It doesn't matter that you would still be understood if you did not do so, what matters are the pragmatics and social labeling attached to speaking in/out of the current group's mode of speaking. It is true that the formal study of linguistics (which was my own area of advanced degree) does not consider there to be an absolute correct way of speaking, that "grammar" is not some unchanging and inherently correct set of rules. They are, instead, a social convention. And like many other social conventions, breaking their rules has consequences, and understanding those rules and consequences is important to navigating in social environments.