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I think it depends a lot on how it's done, and what the speaker's genuine feelings are. If someone holds me in contempt, they're not going to magically make me

I think it depends a lot on how it's done, and what the speaker's genuine feelings are. If someone holds me in contempt, they're not going to magically make me feel okay about their negative feedback by going through the motions of sandwiching it. But if they respect me and genuinely think I'm doing some significant things well, then making those things clear can help me to avoid taking the negatives personally.

pm90 7y ago
How can this person make you feel that they respect you? I work with a lot of Junior engineers. I do want to believe in them but want to express to them that their fuck ups are pretty serious and they shouldn’t repeat that. But there isn’t really a way to be both direct and also not an asshole ️
- retsibsi 7y ago
  Probably it depends at least as much on context (the sum of all your interactions) as on how you present any single critique -- I know that I can take a piece of criticism very differently depending on who is giving it, and that's not just a function of our formal relationship or their position in the hierarchy. So making a point of being sincerely positive whenever appropriate might help, even if you don't have anything good to say while delivering a rebuke. Also it's important to take into account each individual's temperament: try to learn which ones will be scared straight by a gentle word (and discouraged by anything more than that), and which ones need the severity of their mistakes hammered home. Also where they fall on the 'respect = unvarnished honesty' versus 'respect = niceness and politeness' spectrum. If you were calling me out on a big mistake, it would definitely be important to control any emotions like exasperation or bafflement, and focus in a matter-of-fact way on what happened/why it was a mistake/what to do next time.
- em-bee 7y ago
  when a junior messes something up, then that's usually because they didn't know better (or they didn't have the skill/experience to avoid it). that's why they are juniors, i don't expect them to know better. but that also means, it's an opportunity for learning: remember last week, when you brought the server down by typing mkfs instead of fsck? cost us a few days to get the server back up. but that's not your fault. it's our fault for not having a better recovery strategy. nevertheless it is a good idea to avoid mistakes like that. here are a few tips...
- barrkel 7y ago
  You need to create a space where people can fail safely; an area where someone can take a risk, and if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world, but they can get some acclaim if it does work well.

pm90 7y ago

How can this person make you feel that they respect you? I work with a lot of Junior engineers. I do want to believe in them but want to express to them that their fuck ups are pretty serious and they shouldn’t repeat that. But there isn’t really a way to be both direct and also not an asshole ️

retsibsi 7y ago
Probably it depends at least as much on context (the sum of all your interactions) as on how you present any single critique -- I know that I can take a piece of criticism very differently depending on who is giving it, and that's not just a function of our formal relationship or their position in the hierarchy. So making a point of being sincerely positive whenever appropriate might help, even if you don't have anything good to say while delivering a rebuke. Also it's important to take into account each individual's temperament: try to learn which ones will be scared straight by a gentle word (and discouraged by anything more than that), and which ones need the severity of their mistakes hammered home. Also where they fall on the 'respect = unvarnished honesty' versus 'respect = niceness and politeness' spectrum. If you were calling me out on a big mistake, it would definitely be important to control any emotions like exasperation or bafflement, and focus in a matter-of-fact way on what happened/why it was a mistake/what to do next time.
em-bee 7y ago
when a junior messes something up, then that's usually because they didn't know better (or they didn't have the skill/experience to avoid it). that's why they are juniors, i don't expect them to know better. but that also means, it's an opportunity for learning: remember last week, when you brought the server down by typing mkfs instead of fsck? cost us a few days to get the server back up. but that's not your fault. it's our fault for not having a better recovery strategy. nevertheless it is a good idea to avoid mistakes like that. here are a few tips...
barrkel 7y ago
You need to create a space where people can fail safely; an area where someone can take a risk, and if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world, but they can get some acclaim if it does work well.