3 ms·

Two Arms and a Head (2011)

34 points by exolymph 7y ago

DoreenMichele 7y ago
If I could, I would put all of these horrible thoughts in a box, seal it forever, then go out and live life. I would run in the sun, enjoy my freedom, and revel in myself. But that’s the point. I cannot go out and live life because this is not life. So instead I speak to you from the place I now occupy, between life and death. My relationship to the internet and to writing, in a nutshell. It's quite long. I don't know if I will manage to read the whole thing. I'm less impaired than I used to be and I'm not sure how much I want to revisit what that feels like. It still feels plenty awful now, even with how much progress I've made. I probably could work at the right job these days. But I will never be fully able bodied. When you can't do what you want, you do what you can, even if you don't really like it. We all need an occupation, so to speak.
timcederman 7y ago
Interesting to read his ride report leading up to the accident. https://advrider.com/f/threads/seattle-to-argentina-on-a-klr650.136505/ https://advrider.com/f/threads/seattle-to-argentina-on-a-klr...
- kevinwang 7y ago
  wow, thanks for linking this. He certainly had a way with words, and was extraordinarily lucid. Now I want to be an adventurer too. edit: great, now I've been reading this thread for more than an hour - looks like the book was posted without his parents' permission at around page 40, with a post by his mom on page 41 expressing her desire for the book to not be shared unless they wish to share it. On page 55, many posters of the thread advocate for reading the book, and they share their thoughts on it. on page 66, in 2013, his mom writes that the book being out was "very difficult for me, I have since accepted that there is no such thing as keeping that kind of power covert." That's good to hear.
throwawy3242 7y ago
This is his Social Security Death Index record, in case anyone is skeptical: https://www.ancestry.com/search/collections/3693/?name=clayton_Schwartz&birth=1975-9-20&birth_x=0-0-0&name_x=1_1 https://www.ancestry.com/search/collections/3693/?name=clayt... It's paywalled, but from the summary, the name, birth and death dates, and location all match.
- ycombinete 7y ago
  I'm quite glad to see this, to be honest. I've seen a few skeptical comments about this essay in the past, and never seen a refutation.
dredmorbius 7y ago
The page now appears to be 403/Forbidden. IA WBM: https://web.archive.org/web/20110107100235/http://www.2arms1head.com/ https://web.archive.org/web/20110107100235/http://www.2arms1...
6222fw 7y ago
http://claytonschwartz.blogspot.com/2008/11/final-words-upon-suicide-reflection-on.html http://claytonschwartz.blogspot.com/2008/11/final-words-upon...

34 points by exolymph 7y ago

If I could, I would put all of these horrible thoughts in a box, seal it forever, then go out and live life. I would run in the sun, enjoy my freedom, and revel in myself. But that’s the point. I cannot go out and live life because this is not life. So instead I speak to you from the place I now occupy, between life and death. My relationship to the internet and to writing, in a nutshell. It's quite long. I don't know if I will manage to read the whole thing. I'm less impaired than I used to be and I'm not sure how much I want to revisit what that feels like. It still feels plenty awful now, even with how much progress I've made. I probably could work at the right job these days. But I will never be fully able bodied. When you can't do what you want, you do what you can, even if you don't really like it. We all need an occupation, so to speak.

timcederman 7y ago

Interesting to read his ride report leading up to the accident. https://advrider.com/f/threads/seattle-to-argentina-on-a-klr650.136505/ https://advrider.com/f/threads/seattle-to-argentina-on-a-klr...

kevinwang 7y ago
wow, thanks for linking this. He certainly had a way with words, and was extraordinarily lucid. Now I want to be an adventurer too. edit: great, now I've been reading this thread for more than an hour - looks like the book was posted without his parents' permission at around page 40, with a post by his mom on page 41 expressing her desire for the book to not be shared unless they wish to share it. On page 55, many posters of the thread advocate for reading the book, and they share their thoughts on it. on page 66, in 2013, his mom writes that the book being out was "very difficult for me, I have since accepted that there is no such thing as keeping that kind of power covert." That's good to hear.

throwawy3242 7y ago

This is his Social Security Death Index record, in case anyone is skeptical: https://www.ancestry.com/search/collections/3693/?name=clayton_Schwartz&birth=1975-9-20&birth_x=0-0-0&name_x=1_1 https://www.ancestry.com/search/collections/3693/?name=clayt... It's paywalled, but from the summary, the name, birth and death dates, and location all match.

ycombinete 7y ago
I'm quite glad to see this, to be honest. I've seen a few skeptical comments about this essay in the past, and never seen a refutation.

dredmorbius 7y ago

The page now appears to be 403/Forbidden. IA WBM: https://web.archive.org/web/20110107100235/http://www.2arms1head.com/ https://web.archive.org/web/20110107100235/http://www.2arms1...

6222fw 7y ago

http://claytonschwartz.blogspot.com/2008/11/final-words-upon-suicide-reflection-on.html http://claytonschwartz.blogspot.com/2008/11/final-words-upon...