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Those things can help, but I have found you have to go much deeper than meetups and single one-off events. I have noticed a number of people in the current gene

Those things can help, but I have found you have to go much deeper than meetups and single one-off events. I have noticed a number of people in the current generation are kind of handicapped when it comes to forming social connections. Digital social media tools build surface level only communities in many cases. Meetups go deeper, but it is all still surface level. One solution to this is to find a deep and meaningful hobby in your area. I have found Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (a grappling martial art) to be one such "real" community. IDK, I still think van life is a legitimate way to live, but without digging into community issues and essentially abandoning all communities there never will be any communities people can adopt. Here is what works about BJJ and the community it builds: 1.) Doing a physically hard thing together 2.) Broad appeal, very technical if you want it to be 3.) See the same people every week for years 4.) Goal is to improve each others skills in BJJ, but it is a very difficult martial art that builds a mindset of overcoming struggle 5.) My academy we give back to our broader community through charity events, etc. 6.) Community is a mindset. I have found you have to really push and pull the younger generations out of their shell and show them how to socialize to some extent. -- Of course those qualities above aren't the only qualities that build a community but there are common themes. Working together to pull each other up with a perceivable sense of forward progress is a big element. I am not such a pessimist about communities and the current generation, but I definitely see how digital media and social media have stunted real communities in favor of shallower ones.

leggomylibro 7y ago
Thank you for your insight. What you say resonates a lot with my experience, and I'm glad that you've found something which brings people around you together in a positive way.
Nasrudith 7y ago
I heard the same exact sort of complaints before the internet existed as even a niche thing for the ubernerds. Industrialization is a common culprit but given the "urge to go away adventuring or sailing" I suspect base human condition personally. On a related note about community it brings to mind Fight Club, Rent, and other "pre-Great Recession" aging very poorly as bitching about your cozy office job which pays the rent handily just came across as a spoiled rich kid to those in the downturn.
gxon 7y ago
This crystallizes something I've been thinking for a while. A major source of community in the past has been religious groups. What makes membership in a church great at establishing community line up very closely with your 6 points. But as religion continues it's slow death, it's not been clear what replaces this important role of building community in our society. Hobby groups/clubs is at least one of the answers. My own hobby of mountaineering and climbing is very similar to yours of BJJ. Religion is basically just a glorified shared interest club that you're born into. Something I haven't seen talked much about is how we financially support these types of groups. A lot of clubs either rely exclusively on volunteer effort and therefore are very fragile or high membership fees (like BJJ studios) that are out of reach for most people.
- bitexploder 7y ago
  Yeah... BJJ is not a perfect solution, but it is a real community and we try to be very inclusive. So, if someone truly can't afford the fees, they can often teach classes or do a certain number of hours of work around the gym cleaning up after class, etc. Churches and large community gatherings foster a sense of "we are in this together". It is the oldest social safety net in the books probably, where you know when you are a part of this group, even if you fall on hard times, these people are here for you. BJJ is the same way. In a visceral way, like if shit is going down, I know these guys and gals have my back, but also in a community sense of if I am ever hungry, there are people who will help me out. It is definitely a challenge in modern society. I am not sure the mega-church style community needs "replacing" so much as people need to really buy into the concept of their place of residence as a genuine community and not just a bunch of silo'd off individuals. Of course politics and government policy does a lot to encourage/discourage this at a macro level (fostering segmentation in the population and outright disdain for our neighbors, who happen to be poor, etc... but that is a whole different discussion).
jjice 7y ago
This is a great way to look at it. Repetitive meeting is definitely foundational to building relationships. Activities that involve some sort of accomplishment or triumph especially, like BJJ for you. I didn't really put that together until now, but you're totally right. As a CS student, I've had group projects that involve regular meetings and a large project is developed over the course of a semester. Seeing my team mates constantly helps form bonds, but the wins and triumphs are probably the most influential. I still remember submitting a project in the library at 2am and cheering that we were finally done. We got together for pizza and video games later that week for a more formal celebration.

leggomylibro 7y ago

Thank you for your insight. What you say resonates a lot with my experience, and I'm glad that you've found something which brings people around you together in a positive way.

Nasrudith 7y ago

I heard the same exact sort of complaints before the internet existed as even a niche thing for the ubernerds. Industrialization is a common culprit but given the "urge to go away adventuring or sailing" I suspect base human condition personally. On a related note about community it brings to mind Fight Club, Rent, and other "pre-Great Recession" aging very poorly as bitching about your cozy office job which pays the rent handily just came across as a spoiled rich kid to those in the downturn.

gxon 7y ago

This crystallizes something I've been thinking for a while. A major source of community in the past has been religious groups. What makes membership in a church great at establishing community line up very closely with your 6 points. But as religion continues it's slow death, it's not been clear what replaces this important role of building community in our society. Hobby groups/clubs is at least one of the answers. My own hobby of mountaineering and climbing is very similar to yours of BJJ. Religion is basically just a glorified shared interest club that you're born into. Something I haven't seen talked much about is how we financially support these types of groups. A lot of clubs either rely exclusively on volunteer effort and therefore are very fragile or high membership fees (like BJJ studios) that are out of reach for most people.

bitexploder 7y ago
Yeah... BJJ is not a perfect solution, but it is a real community and we try to be very inclusive. So, if someone truly can't afford the fees, they can often teach classes or do a certain number of hours of work around the gym cleaning up after class, etc. Churches and large community gatherings foster a sense of "we are in this together". It is the oldest social safety net in the books probably, where you know when you are a part of this group, even if you fall on hard times, these people are here for you. BJJ is the same way. In a visceral way, like if shit is going down, I know these guys and gals have my back, but also in a community sense of if I am ever hungry, there are people who will help me out. It is definitely a challenge in modern society. I am not sure the mega-church style community needs "replacing" so much as people need to really buy into the concept of their place of residence as a genuine community and not just a bunch of silo'd off individuals. Of course politics and government policy does a lot to encourage/discourage this at a macro level (fostering segmentation in the population and outright disdain for our neighbors, who happen to be poor, etc... but that is a whole different discussion).

jjice 7y ago

This is a great way to look at it. Repetitive meeting is definitely foundational to building relationships. Activities that involve some sort of accomplishment or triumph especially, like BJJ for you. I didn't really put that together until now, but you're totally right. As a CS student, I've had group projects that involve regular meetings and a large project is developed over the course of a semester. Seeing my team mates constantly helps form bonds, but the wins and triumphs are probably the most influential. I still remember submitting a project in the library at 2am and cheering that we were finally done. We got together for pizza and video games later that week for a more formal celebration.