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There are men in prison that are able to find someone on the outside, that visit them, and want to date them once their time is served.

adventskalender 7y ago
There may be something else at play in that case, not simply "there is somebody to date for everyone". Would actually be interesting to learn more about it. Could be women attracted to bad boys. Or many they like the safety of the guy being behind bars. Or not being able to see someone makes it possible to dwell on the imagination. Also, helper syndrome. Edit: this came up with Google, for example https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5582019/Women-resist-dating-prisoners-risk-love.html https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5582019/Women-resis... "Psychologist and psychometrician Dr. Robert Sternberg, a former president of the University of Wyoming who currently teaches human development courses at Cornell, said: ‘Falling in love with a prisoner reduces your risk while preserving some of the excitement. For people who have issues with intimacy and commitment, it gives them an out of a having a relationship in which you can have the exciting passion without having to put in too much intimacy or passion." "‘I think that what happens in these kinds of cases is that people, tend to build up a fantasy world. That’s what people do and who is to say to another person that you’re crazy and I’m not.’"
- watwut 7y ago
  Turns out, women do not prefer men with criminal record. And quite likely, dont like all those consequences on life after their release either. https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html > arrested and convicted [...] we see an association with a variety of negative trends later in life, including lower chances of being married and less economic success,” Smith said. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4293638/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4293638/ > incarceration dramatically increases the odds of divorce
  - ceejayoz 7y ago
    The point wasn't "women prefer criminals", I don't think. I think it was more "if a serial killer can find love, so can a blind person".
    - watwut 7y ago
      > Could be women attracted to bad boys. Or many they like the safety of the guy being behind bars. Or not being able to see someone makes it possible to dwell on the imagination. Also, helper syndrome. The answer to that is no, being man in or after prison does not make you more attractive to women. No, average woman is not attracted to safety of imprisoned males nor to he badness. Nor does absent husband makes imagination go wild and marriage better. All these speculations as speculations about women are wrong based on stats. And the bit about serial killer finding love is also dubious. We are talking about people with several emotional problems and lifetime of abuse (typically both as victims and perpetrators) on both sides. These are not kind of relationship a healthy blind or non blind person wants.
      - adventskalender 7y ago
        "No, average woman is not attracted to safety of imprisoned males nor to he badness." Nobody claimed it's "average women" who are attracted to prisoners. As for speculations, it seems to be a fact that some prisoners manage to form relationships with women. And the article I linked to also states some of the same reasons I speculated about. What bothers you about it? " These are not kind of relationship a healthy blind or non blind person wants." Nobody is saying you should date a prisoner. Just that it seems to happen. That is not a matter of opinion, it is just reality.
watwut 7y ago
Afaik, formerly incarcerated people are not exactly the most popular dating target. Generally, it is a drawback and not a boost for your profile. https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html As more Americans are arrested and convicted during their younger years, we see an association with a variety of negative trends later in life, including lower chances of being married and less economic success,” Smith said. Also, prison time increases divorce rates.
- tomhoward 7y ago
  You keep sharing this survey, but it's talking about population-wide trends, not specific cases, so it's irrelevant to your parent commenter's point. Their point was simply that a non-negligible number of men in prison can attract partners, which is obviously true. That said, I don't think that's helpful information to an individual with an increasingly severe disability, and a belief or lived experience that others won't or don't see them as an attractive partner.
  - watwut 7y ago
    > Their point was simply that a non-negligible number of men in prison can attract partners, which is obviously true. I don't find that obviously true. Not obvious at all. And the more I look into it, the less probable it is. Peoplw after prison have huge problems getting back to life including finding partners.
    - tomhoward 7y ago
      Once again you’re seeking to refute the existence of a small but significant number of cases by pointing to overall averages and trends. It’s a significant enough phenomenon that media articles are written about it, academic studies are done on it, a scientific term has been coined for it, and multiple websites operate to facilitate it: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/dating-a-prisoner-what-attracts-people-on-the-outside-to-fall-in-love-with-convicted-criminals-10326587.html https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families... None of this contradicts your assertion that “people after prison have huge problems getting back to life including finding partners” - but that’s not a refutation of what I or the original commenter are arguing.

adventskalender 7y ago

There may be something else at play in that case, not simply "there is somebody to date for everyone". Would actually be interesting to learn more about it. Could be women attracted to bad boys. Or many they like the safety of the guy being behind bars. Or not being able to see someone makes it possible to dwell on the imagination. Also, helper syndrome. Edit: this came up with Google, for example https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5582019/Women-resist-dating-prisoners-risk-love.html https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5582019/Women-resis... "Psychologist and psychometrician Dr. Robert Sternberg, a former president of the University of Wyoming who currently teaches human development courses at Cornell, said: ‘Falling in love with a prisoner reduces your risk while preserving some of the excitement. For people who have issues with intimacy and commitment, it gives them an out of a having a relationship in which you can have the exciting passion without having to put in too much intimacy or passion." "‘I think that what happens in these kinds of cases is that people, tend to build up a fantasy world. That’s what people do and who is to say to another person that you’re crazy and I’m not.’"

watwut 7y ago
Turns out, women do not prefer men with criminal record. And quite likely, dont like all those consequences on life after their release either. https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html > arrested and convicted [...] we see an association with a variety of negative trends later in life, including lower chances of being married and less economic success,” Smith said. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4293638/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4293638/ > incarceration dramatically increases the odds of divorce
- ceejayoz 7y ago
  The point wasn't "women prefer criminals", I don't think. I think it was more "if a serial killer can find love, so can a blind person".
  - watwut 7y ago
    > Could be women attracted to bad boys. Or many they like the safety of the guy being behind bars. Or not being able to see someone makes it possible to dwell on the imagination. Also, helper syndrome. The answer to that is no, being man in or after prison does not make you more attractive to women. No, average woman is not attracted to safety of imprisoned males nor to he badness. Nor does absent husband makes imagination go wild and marriage better. All these speculations as speculations about women are wrong based on stats. And the bit about serial killer finding love is also dubious. We are talking about people with several emotional problems and lifetime of abuse (typically both as victims and perpetrators) on both sides. These are not kind of relationship a healthy blind or non blind person wants.
    - adventskalender 7y ago
      "No, average woman is not attracted to safety of imprisoned males nor to he badness." Nobody claimed it's "average women" who are attracted to prisoners. As for speculations, it seems to be a fact that some prisoners manage to form relationships with women. And the article I linked to also states some of the same reasons I speculated about. What bothers you about it? " These are not kind of relationship a healthy blind or non blind person wants." Nobody is saying you should date a prisoner. Just that it seems to happen. That is not a matter of opinion, it is just reality.

watwut 7y ago

Afaik, formerly incarcerated people are not exactly the most popular dating target. Generally, it is a drawback and not a boost for your profile. https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html https://www.rand.org/news/press/2019/02/25.html As more Americans are arrested and convicted during their younger years, we see an association with a variety of negative trends later in life, including lower chances of being married and less economic success,” Smith said. Also, prison time increases divorce rates.

tomhoward 7y ago
You keep sharing this survey, but it's talking about population-wide trends, not specific cases, so it's irrelevant to your parent commenter's point. Their point was simply that a non-negligible number of men in prison can attract partners, which is obviously true. That said, I don't think that's helpful information to an individual with an increasingly severe disability, and a belief or lived experience that others won't or don't see them as an attractive partner.
- watwut 7y ago
  > Their point was simply that a non-negligible number of men in prison can attract partners, which is obviously true. I don't find that obviously true. Not obvious at all. And the more I look into it, the less probable it is. Peoplw after prison have huge problems getting back to life including finding partners.
  - tomhoward 7y ago
    Once again you’re seeking to refute the existence of a small but significant number of cases by pointing to overall averages and trends. It’s a significant enough phenomenon that media articles are written about it, academic studies are done on it, a scientific term has been coined for it, and multiple websites operate to facilitate it: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/dating-a-prisoner-what-attracts-people-on-the-outside-to-fall-in-love-with-convicted-criminals-10326587.html https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families... None of this contradicts your assertion that “people after prison have huge problems getting back to life including finding partners” - but that’s not a refutation of what I or the original commenter are arguing.