As you note, there are a host of quality of life trade offs all wrapped up in this. After briefly experiencing the 101 commute in bay area very early in my car

As you note, there are a host of quality of life trade offs all wrapped up in this. After briefly experiencing the 101 commute in bay area very early in my career, I decided I wasn't going to do it. Since then I've made a point to live close to work - which has affected both where I've lived and where I've worked, as I also decided I wasn't willing to live close to an office park in the middle of nowhere to make this work. No regrets at all, although it has always involved some expense. I'm very aware I have been lucky in the options I've had though, this can be very difficult to arrange in some situations.