Replacing ‘why’ with ‘how come’ turns a seemingly judgmental question into a curious one. I prefer to ask what they’ve already tried so far, though, instead of

Replacing ‘why’ with ‘how come’ turns a seemingly judgmental question into a curious one. I prefer to ask what they’ve already tried so far, though, instead of jumping to an immediate diagnosis. At least then your ‘how come’ question can point to a novel solution they may not have considered. Because you know what they already have tried.