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> and will probably join the cohort that this study is looking at soon I can't claim to understand you fully and I hope to never be where you are but I have on

> and will probably join the cohort that this study is looking at soon I can't claim to understand you fully and I hope to never be where you are but I have one true friend in this life. The kind that I'd take a bullet for. I'm 45. In your case I'd join a meetup. Something you are interested in. Anything you may even be remotely interested in. If you can't find one. Start one. There may be another "you" out there too. The fact you're here says you're a tech in some fashion so I'd bet there are meetups somewhere you could go nearby. I am not sure this message comes across well (and I apologise if it's preachy) but I read your message and thought I had to say something quickly. Try a meetup. You might just find that someone else at that meetup is the same. I hope to never find out you're one of these statistics.

leggomylibro 7y ago
I've tried a lot of meetups ranging from things like board games to hiking to organized sports, and while they're nice ways to find activities, in my experience most people show up in groups and it is vanishingly rare to see the same people more than a few times. Volunteering and local community events seem more promising, but they have the same general issue: at least in the past few years that I've been attending them in search of community, you rarely see the same people more than once or twice. Thanks for taking the time to offer advice, though.
- _Understated_ 7y ago
  Then start your own meetup for people that just want to chat :) No agenda, just chatting to each other. I bet you'll be fighting them off... the thought that you would be oversubscribed is both great and slightly depressing at the same time. Ask at a local bar on a Tuesday night (or any other quiet night) if they can keep a section aside for you. They will jump at the chance of a few more patrons. Make it cheap, perhaps £1. Something that shows commitment but won't put people off. Make it a donation of £1 to your local Samaritans instead. I'll get off my soapbox now but this idea just jumped into my head :)
  - TurkishPoptart 7y ago
    I like this idea.
- twodave 7y ago
  I'll pitch mine in--if you're actually completely un-attached, move! Find a city known for being a more inviting place. Move there. Attend church. Get a remote job, spend your time out in public. Become a regular at some places (coffee shop, gym, etc.). Make friends with the people who work there. In general, invest in people by doing genuinely nice things for them. Serve others, and be honest about how you feel when it's appropriate. I have a wife and 4 kids and I get lonely surprisingly often. Having lots of ways to combat the low feelings is important. I just happen to live in a pretty friendly place (Jacksonville, FL), which also helps. Wish ya the best!
- TurkishPoptart 7y ago
  If you're in the PNW, I'd hang out with you.
  - leggomylibro 7y ago
    Thank you! Unfortunately I'm not, though - I gave up on the PNW in despair a few months ago, and I'm just wandering now. At least the backcountry of the US is a pretty place to wait for death.

leggomylibro 7y ago

I've tried a lot of meetups ranging from things like board games to hiking to organized sports, and while they're nice ways to find activities, in my experience most people show up in groups and it is vanishingly rare to see the same people more than a few times. Volunteering and local community events seem more promising, but they have the same general issue: at least in the past few years that I've been attending them in search of community, you rarely see the same people more than once or twice. Thanks for taking the time to offer advice, though.

_Understated_ 7y ago
Then start your own meetup for people that just want to chat :) No agenda, just chatting to each other. I bet you'll be fighting them off... the thought that you would be oversubscribed is both great and slightly depressing at the same time. Ask at a local bar on a Tuesday night (or any other quiet night) if they can keep a section aside for you. They will jump at the chance of a few more patrons. Make it cheap, perhaps £1. Something that shows commitment but won't put people off. Make it a donation of £1 to your local Samaritans instead. I'll get off my soapbox now but this idea just jumped into my head :)
- TurkishPoptart 7y ago
  I like this idea.
twodave 7y ago
I'll pitch mine in--if you're actually completely un-attached, move! Find a city known for being a more inviting place. Move there. Attend church. Get a remote job, spend your time out in public. Become a regular at some places (coffee shop, gym, etc.). Make friends with the people who work there. In general, invest in people by doing genuinely nice things for them. Serve others, and be honest about how you feel when it's appropriate. I have a wife and 4 kids and I get lonely surprisingly often. Having lots of ways to combat the low feelings is important. I just happen to live in a pretty friendly place (Jacksonville, FL), which also helps. Wish ya the best!
TurkishPoptart 7y ago
If you're in the PNW, I'd hang out with you.
- leggomylibro 7y ago
  Thank you! Unfortunately I'm not, though - I gave up on the PNW in despair a few months ago, and I'm just wandering now. At least the backcountry of the US is a pretty place to wait for death.