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> Ironic that people don't want to meet someone off an app without "sniff test" conversation first, yet are happy to meet strangers at a bar with no prior knowl

> Ironic that people don't want to meet someone off an app without "sniff test" conversation first, yet are happy to meet strangers at a bar with no prior knowledge of them whatsoever. Consider the "social contract" of both situations. With the bar situation you can literally leave immediately with no social expectation that you should have to interact with that person again. With the "date" typically they're alone (i.e. she cannot bring friends, unlike a bar) and there's a social expectation to stay at least for whatever constitutes an entire date. I think it is less irony and more that we have complex social expectations.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 7y ago
> With the bar situation you can literally leave immediately with no social expectation that you should have to interact with that person again. There are plenty of first date options that make this easy. I was fond of minigolf because it goes relatively quick and you can either opt to play more rounds or hit the eject button with a half decent excuse.
- hombre_fatal 7y ago
  That's still 1000x different than realizing you have no chemistry with the person you're talking to at the bar and simply turning 90 degrees and talking to the next person. Meanwhile, a date you eject from still consumes most of your evening. ...And it's extremely uncomfortable and emotionally taxing to be in that position for both people. That said, I think almost everyone would be better served if they shot out a "wanna grab drinks at X at 8:00?" much earlier into the conversation. The sort of "Tinder convo" I see on r/tinder is almost exclusively men sabotaging themselves instead of making a move. I mean, once you've established you're not one of those "send pic of vagene sex sex sex pls" people, I'm not convinced there's all that much more rapport you can build over text. Then again, I imagine men who are able to talk themselves into a hole over Tinder chat are sending useful signals to women.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 7y ago
    It's different, but if you're not the kind of person who enjoys going to bars then it is an alternative.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 7y ago

> With the bar situation you can literally leave immediately with no social expectation that you should have to interact with that person again. There are plenty of first date options that make this easy. I was fond of minigolf because it goes relatively quick and you can either opt to play more rounds or hit the eject button with a half decent excuse.

hombre_fatal 7y ago
That's still 1000x different than realizing you have no chemistry with the person you're talking to at the bar and simply turning 90 degrees and talking to the next person. Meanwhile, a date you eject from still consumes most of your evening. ...And it's extremely uncomfortable and emotionally taxing to be in that position for both people. That said, I think almost everyone would be better served if they shot out a "wanna grab drinks at X at 8:00?" much earlier into the conversation. The sort of "Tinder convo" I see on r/tinder is almost exclusively men sabotaging themselves instead of making a move. I mean, once you've established you're not one of those "send pic of vagene sex sex sex pls" people, I'm not convinced there's all that much more rapport you can build over text. Then again, I imagine men who are able to talk themselves into a hole over Tinder chat are sending useful signals to women.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 7y ago
  It's different, but if you're not the kind of person who enjoys going to bars then it is an alternative.