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> One idea I've had is to disallow conversation in the app, and instead focus on making date plans if there's a match. You should likely run this idea past a f

> One idea I've had is to disallow conversation in the app, and instead focus on making date plans if there's a match. You should likely run this idea past a few women. The typical reason they want to converse before meeting is security: Meeting strangers is dangerous and they want to "sniff test" to see if it is safe enough to even go that far. Your app idea largely seems to exist to solve issues men have with dating apps but it doesn't really address why women avoid them/prefer direct social interaction.

swimfar 7y ago
Is meeting a stranger in a public place actually dangerous, or do people just feel that it's dangerous? What is the worst that is likely to happen if two people meet up in a cafe or city park?
- zasz 7y ago
  Most women I know would want to meet at a very public place for safety reasons. If a guy comes on hella strong and suggests you meet up at his house and doesn't understand why meeting at a public, neutral place is a good idea, that's a huge red flag.
- CPLX 7y ago
  The worst that could happen is rape and murder. Talk to women sometimes about how they approach personal safety, and how many scary situations and too-close calls they've already had. It's a law of truly large numbers thing. Even if a tiny tiny minority of guys are actually dangerous, over the course of even a relatively young life the average woman has encountered quite a few of them. They make life decisions accordingly, for understandable reasons.
  - RandallBrown 7y ago
    Rapes and murders in public places are exceedingly rare. The app could certainly facilitate "safe" dates by helping guide people toward certain places. That could even be the business model where you would book reservations at certain restaurants, coffee shops, or wherever through the app.
- Someone1234 7y ago
  Are you suggesting they should advertise a dating app to women by telling women that their concerns over personal safety are misguided? Frankly I don't think gatekeeping a person's comfort level when meeting a stranger is very constructive. In fact I think it would invoke quite a negative reaction (justifiably).
- tjalfi 7y ago
  Ingrid Lane[0] was murdered by a man she met on an online dating site and had been dating for a month. Meeting strangers may not be a high risk for you but it is for other people. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Ingrid_Lyne https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Ingrid_Lyne
  - masonic 7y ago
    They had been dating for a month at that point, so how they originally met was not nearly as relevant as his extensive criminal record was.
decasia 7y ago
Maybe take time to investigate what women-built dating apps look like too: https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/best-dating-apps-for-women https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/best-dating-apps-for-w...
klipt 7y ago
Ironic that people don't want to meet someone off an app without "sniff test" conversation first, yet are happy to meet strangers at a bar with no prior knowledge of them whatsoever. I guess it's just a lingering bias that makes us think "dating app people are creepy" even though today the people you meet in a bar are probably all on dating apps too.
- zozbot234 7y ago
  To be fair, bars do provide a modicum of physical security. The overall environment is pretty sketchy/unsafe in other ways, though - hence why plenty of people are not fans of bars overall.
- saagarjha 7y ago
  You can avoid people you don’t like at bars. You really can’t do that if you’ve scheduled a date with someone.
  - dvtrn 7y ago
    Sure you can. It’s called “ghosting”.
    - hombre_fatal 7y ago
      In this thread we're talking about the point at which you've already showed up to the date.
- Someone1234 7y ago
  > Ironic that people don't want to meet someone off an app without "sniff test" conversation first, yet are happy to meet strangers at a bar with no prior knowledge of them whatsoever. Consider the "social contract" of both situations. With the bar situation you can literally leave immediately with no social expectation that you should have to interact with that person again. With the "date" typically they're alone (i.e. she cannot bring friends, unlike a bar) and there's a social expectation to stay at least for whatever constitutes an entire date. I think it is less irony and more that we have complex social expectations.
zozbot234 7y ago
This is silly, you can't expect to screen out bad actors in a brief online conversation, least of all via text. You should arrange to meet at a safe, neutral place that provides its own (formal or informal) physical security.
- wccrawford 7y ago
  I think you haven't seen some of the creepy or horrible stuff that some men say on dating apps. Some of the women I dated would tell me about them. While you can't guarantee a good date, you can at least eliminate the worst and unsafe-est dates by a little messaging. I dated for a while on various services before choosing OKCupid and sticking with it. I talked to and dated several women before I met the woman who is now my wife. That included some chat up front, then picking a safe, public location to meet and do something. I'm lucky to live in Orlando, so it was very often a theme park. If either of us were unhappy, we could just go our separate ways and be done. (Thankfully that never happened to me.)
  - LorenPechtel 7y ago
    No, you can only eliminate the ones that are bad at hiding that they are creeps.
    - angry_octet 7y ago
      True. It does make dating seem like an endless Voight-Kampf test though. https://www.bfi.org.uk/are-you-a-replicant/ https://www.bfi.org.uk/are-you-a-replicant/
- nabnob 7y ago
  You definitely can. Creeps have a hard time hiding the fact that they're creeps. If I'm talking to a guy on a dating app and he immediately tries to steer the conversation towards sex, my body, how horrible women are, and shows zero interest in actually getting to know me then I know he's someone to avoid.
  - 7y ago
jfengel 7y ago
Conversely, I've found that a lot of women have pushed me to meet early. They tell me that a lot of men just want to talk, and they're not interested in pen pals. That never worked out well for me: I'm a person of words, and while I really do want to meet, I'm unlikely to click with somebody who doesn't love conversation enough to chat before that. So I stopped meeting women who weren't interesting online; it seemed that the hope that they might be interesting in person never panned out. I hope they met somebody more to their taste. Meeting strangers is dangerous, but if you arrange it in a public place, that's reasonably safe. And probably at least as good as trying to feel out whether they're dangerous via chat.
Kepler100 7y ago
An app has this exact idea, where there is no online conversations. It focuses on helping singles meet in real life directly. Thoughts? https://singlespotapp.com/ https://singlespotapp.com/

swimfar 7y ago

Is meeting a stranger in a public place actually dangerous, or do people just feel that it's dangerous? What is the worst that is likely to happen if two people meet up in a cafe or city park?

zasz 7y ago
Most women I know would want to meet at a very public place for safety reasons. If a guy comes on hella strong and suggests you meet up at his house and doesn't understand why meeting at a public, neutral place is a good idea, that's a huge red flag.
CPLX 7y ago
The worst that could happen is rape and murder. Talk to women sometimes about how they approach personal safety, and how many scary situations and too-close calls they've already had. It's a law of truly large numbers thing. Even if a tiny tiny minority of guys are actually dangerous, over the course of even a relatively young life the average woman has encountered quite a few of them. They make life decisions accordingly, for understandable reasons.
- RandallBrown 7y ago
  Rapes and murders in public places are exceedingly rare. The app could certainly facilitate "safe" dates by helping guide people toward certain places. That could even be the business model where you would book reservations at certain restaurants, coffee shops, or wherever through the app.
Someone1234 7y ago
Are you suggesting they should advertise a dating app to women by telling women that their concerns over personal safety are misguided? Frankly I don't think gatekeeping a person's comfort level when meeting a stranger is very constructive. In fact I think it would invoke quite a negative reaction (justifiably).
tjalfi 7y ago
Ingrid Lane[0] was murdered by a man she met on an online dating site and had been dating for a month. Meeting strangers may not be a high risk for you but it is for other people. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Ingrid_Lyne https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Ingrid_Lyne
- masonic 7y ago
  They had been dating for a month at that point, so how they originally met was not nearly as relevant as his extensive criminal record was.

decasia 7y ago

Maybe take time to investigate what women-built dating apps look like too: https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/best-dating-apps-for-women https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/best-dating-apps-for-w...

klipt 7y ago

Ironic that people don't want to meet someone off an app without "sniff test" conversation first, yet are happy to meet strangers at a bar with no prior knowledge of them whatsoever. I guess it's just a lingering bias that makes us think "dating app people are creepy" even though today the people you meet in a bar are probably all on dating apps too.

zozbot234 7y ago
To be fair, bars do provide a modicum of physical security. The overall environment is pretty sketchy/unsafe in other ways, though - hence why plenty of people are not fans of bars overall.
saagarjha 7y ago
You can avoid people you don’t like at bars. You really can’t do that if you’ve scheduled a date with someone.
- dvtrn 7y ago
  Sure you can. It’s called “ghosting”.
  - hombre_fatal 7y ago
    In this thread we're talking about the point at which you've already showed up to the date.
Someone1234 7y ago
> Ironic that people don't want to meet someone off an app without "sniff test" conversation first, yet are happy to meet strangers at a bar with no prior knowledge of them whatsoever. Consider the "social contract" of both situations. With the bar situation you can literally leave immediately with no social expectation that you should have to interact with that person again. With the "date" typically they're alone (i.e. she cannot bring friends, unlike a bar) and there's a social expectation to stay at least for whatever constitutes an entire date. I think it is less irony and more that we have complex social expectations.

zozbot234 7y ago

This is silly, you can't expect to screen out bad actors in a brief online conversation, least of all via text. You should arrange to meet at a safe, neutral place that provides its own (formal or informal) physical security.

wccrawford 7y ago
I think you haven't seen some of the creepy or horrible stuff that some men say on dating apps. Some of the women I dated would tell me about them. While you can't guarantee a good date, you can at least eliminate the worst and unsafe-est dates by a little messaging. I dated for a while on various services before choosing OKCupid and sticking with it. I talked to and dated several women before I met the woman who is now my wife. That included some chat up front, then picking a safe, public location to meet and do something. I'm lucky to live in Orlando, so it was very often a theme park. If either of us were unhappy, we could just go our separate ways and be done. (Thankfully that never happened to me.)
- LorenPechtel 7y ago
  No, you can only eliminate the ones that are bad at hiding that they are creeps.
  - angry_octet 7y ago
    True. It does make dating seem like an endless Voight-Kampf test though. https://www.bfi.org.uk/are-you-a-replicant/ https://www.bfi.org.uk/are-you-a-replicant/
nabnob 7y ago
You definitely can. Creeps have a hard time hiding the fact that they're creeps. If I'm talking to a guy on a dating app and he immediately tries to steer the conversation towards sex, my body, how horrible women are, and shows zero interest in actually getting to know me then I know he's someone to avoid.
- 7y ago

jfengel 7y ago

Conversely, I've found that a lot of women have pushed me to meet early. They tell me that a lot of men just want to talk, and they're not interested in pen pals. That never worked out well for me: I'm a person of words, and while I really do want to meet, I'm unlikely to click with somebody who doesn't love conversation enough to chat before that. So I stopped meeting women who weren't interesting online; it seemed that the hope that they might be interesting in person never panned out. I hope they met somebody more to their taste. Meeting strangers is dangerous, but if you arrange it in a public place, that's reasonably safe. And probably at least as good as trying to feel out whether they're dangerous via chat.

Kepler100 7y ago

An app has this exact idea, where there is no online conversations. It focuses on helping singles meet in real life directly. Thoughts? https://singlespotapp.com/ https://singlespotapp.com/