5 ms·

It’s always a little bit risky to write something personal that will inevitably come across as something other than humble. Especially when it’s also mixed with

It’s always a little bit risky to write something personal that will inevitably come across as something other than humble. Especially when it’s also mixed with something that comes across very first-world-problemy. Mind you that showing that one can do a little bit of calculus isn’t a testament to being a genius or anything like that. The examples the story describes might as well be equivalent to something more obviously creative in nature that isn’t bound by the constraints of time, like amateur painting or music making might be. (Professional mathematicians or physicists would agree that a hypergeometric series doesn’t even scratch the surface of “difficult” mathematics.) There are real geniuses in the world having extraordinary intuition being extraordinarily productive and have something to show for it. This is not that. I posted this because I was reminded of it after reading pg’s Bus Ticket essay—which to me was more about discovery than it was genius. When you have 10+ hours a day, 7 days a week, with no dependents and no job, there’s a lot of room to follow interests, as petty/useless/insignificant as they may be, and frequently if you spend that much time, you’ll discover new things or make new connections. The conclusion of the story maybe is obvious in retrospect: that doesn’t happen (as easily) if you have a job (or family or partner or ...), even if your work is in an area you ostensibly love. You won’t have the same space to dive deep in areas that you choose, and you may not reach the same level of creative zen. It’s not something I realized going into the job market over a decade ago, and I think it’s a worthwhile consideration for people who value not being preoccupied with what time it is. (For those expressing concern, don’t. Or those taking away that I’m not doing something that I like or following my passions, I am. I still do the things I like to do, but I don’t sacrifice everything else in life to focus on them exclusively. It remains to this day that that has its costs and benefits.)

ssivark 7y ago
It takes courage to articulate something so intimate and authentic. Thanks for sharing. > Or those taking away that I’m not doing something that I like or following my passions, I am. I still do the things I like to do, but I don’t sacrifice everything else in life to focus on them exclusively. It remains to this day that that has its costs and benefits. Do you still have such creative intellectual pursuits? Do you think you’ll be able to write a follow-up post describing the equilibrium you’ve settled into now (and the associated trade-offs) and how you got there?
- reikonomusha 7y ago
  I do, but they’re much more limited in meandering and scope. Projects tend to be more well defined. I haven’t been blogging as of late, but maybe one is due.
IIAOPSW 7y ago
For me the waybackmachine rendered all the equations as boxes and I couldn't read any. In a certain way having the detail missing and just having a taste from the descriptions somehow made it better. You can fill in whatever blank you want. I feel the same as this guy in many ways. I dread to say it, but maybe it isn't the lifestyle (I didn't follow his path). Maybe this is what getting older does to us.
- reikonomusha 7y ago
  (Equations work for me on Firefox with JS enabled, as well as Safari mobile.)
bluetwo 7y ago
Thanks for sharing. I stared in horror at the following: "Here in Silicon Valley, it’s even worse. I have an aesthetically nicer place, but I now don’t even have a desk or desktop machine. I type from a small laptop on my couch, being held up by a pillow. I have no room for a chalkboard or whiteboard, unless I wanted to cover up half of my mirrored closet." I am an east-coast developer and am totally spoiled with my home office. I never had an urge to move to silicon valley and this makes me even happier I'm not there. Five computers spread out over three desks, two large bookshelves, a couch, and a fireplace.
- neuronic 7y ago
  I am a German developer with a German developer salary (between 60k€ and 70k€ to provide a ballpark estimate) and I live in the center of a large, well-known German city. The area is extremely nice except for parking and I live in a ~70sqm modernized apartment with my own home office and enough room for tech gadgets, a large couch, a large bed and a balcony... etc. In the evening, restaurants, bars, cinema and nice parks are < 15mins walk away. Grocery store from cheap to luxurious are in the same range. I have access to good healthcare (aside from getting an appointment for specialists it's fine), insured the most important aspects of my life and if I want to go to another large capital I need 20mins to go to Central Station and take a train or 20mins to the airport and take a flight. Aside from Apple and depending on what you want, all major Silicon Valley firms provide jobs in at least one of the larger German cities, notably Munich though. I honestly do not understand why people are drawn to Silicon Valley so much - unless it's simply about the "environment of minds" if you are willing to sacrifice all other aspects of life to it to some degree (worse living situation, worse working conditions...). For innovation and startup life, I suppose it makes sense. But for a normal software engineer? Can somebody explain this to me?
  - rusticpenn 7y ago
    70k might be fine for a single person in munich, but when you have a family (single earner), does it work?
  - trevyn 7y ago
timwaagh 7y ago
I tried replying to your article. Since I now notice it's been six years, I wonder whether you did anything with this? I don't think professional mathematicians would say you shouldn't pursue it. The opposite, actually. If people like myself who never practiced it in their own time can get degrees in it, so could you. You don't need to be any kind of genius.
- Ancalagon 7y ago
  I also have similar questions. What did you end up doing about this feeling? I don't believe my own intelligence was (or is) on the same caliber as yours, but I do feel like it has atrophied somewhat since joining the working world, and that is in spite of doing a CS masters. Honestly I believe if I hadn't done the masters I would've gone crazy from the deterioration.
tygertgr 7y ago
Aristotle articulated all this stuff much better and in far fewer words 2300 years ago in his writings on work and leisure.
- tygertgr 7y ago
  One of his (and plato's) conclusions was roughly that excellence is not really possible without slavery facilitating. Some needed to be freed from stress of toil by laborers. It's very sad this fellow's father couldn't fund his further development.
  - johnday 7y ago
    I wonder whether modern robotics would fulfil their definition of "slavery"... Or whether modern patronage on its own (university research, arts funding, etc) would suffice in their view.

ssivark 7y ago

It takes courage to articulate something so intimate and authentic. Thanks for sharing. > Or those taking away that I’m not doing something that I like or following my passions, I am. I still do the things I like to do, but I don’t sacrifice everything else in life to focus on them exclusively. It remains to this day that that has its costs and benefits. Do you still have such creative intellectual pursuits? Do you think you’ll be able to write a follow-up post describing the equilibrium you’ve settled into now (and the associated trade-offs) and how you got there?

reikonomusha 7y ago
I do, but they’re much more limited in meandering and scope. Projects tend to be more well defined. I haven’t been blogging as of late, but maybe one is due.

IIAOPSW 7y ago

For me the waybackmachine rendered all the equations as boxes and I couldn't read any. In a certain way having the detail missing and just having a taste from the descriptions somehow made it better. You can fill in whatever blank you want. I feel the same as this guy in many ways. I dread to say it, but maybe it isn't the lifestyle (I didn't follow his path). Maybe this is what getting older does to us.

reikonomusha 7y ago
(Equations work for me on Firefox with JS enabled, as well as Safari mobile.)

bluetwo 7y ago

Thanks for sharing. I stared in horror at the following: "Here in Silicon Valley, it’s even worse. I have an aesthetically nicer place, but I now don’t even have a desk or desktop machine. I type from a small laptop on my couch, being held up by a pillow. I have no room for a chalkboard or whiteboard, unless I wanted to cover up half of my mirrored closet." I am an east-coast developer and am totally spoiled with my home office. I never had an urge to move to silicon valley and this makes me even happier I'm not there. Five computers spread out over three desks, two large bookshelves, a couch, and a fireplace.

neuronic 7y ago
I am a German developer with a German developer salary (between 60k€ and 70k€ to provide a ballpark estimate) and I live in the center of a large, well-known German city. The area is extremely nice except for parking and I live in a ~70sqm modernized apartment with my own home office and enough room for tech gadgets, a large couch, a large bed and a balcony... etc. In the evening, restaurants, bars, cinema and nice parks are < 15mins walk away. Grocery store from cheap to luxurious are in the same range. I have access to good healthcare (aside from getting an appointment for specialists it's fine), insured the most important aspects of my life and if I want to go to another large capital I need 20mins to go to Central Station and take a train or 20mins to the airport and take a flight. Aside from Apple and depending on what you want, all major Silicon Valley firms provide jobs in at least one of the larger German cities, notably Munich though. I honestly do not understand why people are drawn to Silicon Valley so much - unless it's simply about the "environment of minds" if you are willing to sacrifice all other aspects of life to it to some degree (worse living situation, worse working conditions...). For innovation and startup life, I suppose it makes sense. But for a normal software engineer? Can somebody explain this to me?
- rusticpenn 7y ago
  70k might be fine for a single person in munich, but when you have a family (single earner), does it work?
- trevyn 7y ago

timwaagh 7y ago

I tried replying to your article. Since I now notice it's been six years, I wonder whether you did anything with this? I don't think professional mathematicians would say you shouldn't pursue it. The opposite, actually. If people like myself who never practiced it in their own time can get degrees in it, so could you. You don't need to be any kind of genius.

Ancalagon 7y ago
I also have similar questions. What did you end up doing about this feeling? I don't believe my own intelligence was (or is) on the same caliber as yours, but I do feel like it has atrophied somewhat since joining the working world, and that is in spite of doing a CS masters. Honestly I believe if I hadn't done the masters I would've gone crazy from the deterioration.

tygertgr 7y ago

Aristotle articulated all this stuff much better and in far fewer words 2300 years ago in his writings on work and leisure.

tygertgr 7y ago
One of his (and plato's) conclusions was roughly that excellence is not really possible without slavery facilitating. Some needed to be freed from stress of toil by laborers. It's very sad this fellow's father couldn't fund his further development.
- johnday 7y ago
  I wonder whether modern robotics would fulfil their definition of "slavery"... Or whether modern patronage on its own (university research, arts funding, etc) would suffice in their view.