3 ms·
First off, its probably a toxic work environment, and second, you're at a stage where the walls are closing in so it feels worse than it is. Programming is inhe
by fwsgonzo 7y ago
First off, its probably a toxic work environment, and second, you're at a stage where the walls are closing in so it feels worse than it is. Programming is inherently a creative art with a core of logic and reason. For example, you can solve your business case by writing shell scripts instead of Java. By toxic environment, I mean that there are things at work that contribute, such as the way your coworkers talk to you. One such example is that there is one guy who is the go-to guy for all problems relating to X, and he solves this while telling everyone all about it, all the time. This makes it seem like he is the only one who can do it properly, which is of course never true.
Your financial security is just a product of the times. It used to be you could have a house, a lawn, a car and leftover savings just from working in a factory. Now, you are saddled with an unpayable house-loan even with higher education unless you somehow manage to find a remote job, or you win the startup lottery.
Last, anxiety can form bad feedback loops, where the lack of sleep means you are simply not able to do anything during the day. It can also cause other surprising problems, even wrist pains and RSI, simply because the anxiety causes your body to tense up.
I think you, first of all, need to find a way to let go of the feeling that your job performance has any bearing on your worth as a human being. It really doesn't.
- disturbed 7y ago> I think you, first of all, need to find a way to let go of the feeling that your job performance has any bearing on your worth as a human being. It really doesn't. Yeah my therapist is trying to convince me of this too. I find it hard to make myself internalize it.
- cyberpip 7y agoI think the issue may be that this can come from both within the individual and from society externally. Internally you feel low worth and then you see it confirmed externally moving around in society. Speaking as someone who got laid off and had to take one step back career-wise, I feel this but also, on better days, realize I create my reality at the same time. It's a difficult balancing act of who and what to give the most credence to.
- amiga_500 7y agoSecond the point on financial security. I'm successful, I have a good job at a good company, earning a good wage. I'm in charge of lots of systems and people. But I'm not financially secure, because land prices have detached from wages. You can't work your way out of this hole. That is not your fault. Why are there so many jobs in industries we hate (gambling, finance, advertising). Because the west is a financialized mess. We are all trapped. Vote for substantive change.
- disturbed 7y agoThanks for taking time... I live in south-eastern Europe. Gambling/betting here is rampant. I feel like I’m contributing to the problem, but can’t seem to find the way out.
- geowwy 7y agoYou hate your job, but you feel forced to do it. And you've been like that for 13 years! Even slaves in the Bible were released after 7 years. No wonder you're miserable. No one can do something they hate for that long without having their soul crushed. Sorry to the people here, but I don't think meditation/diet/exercise will fix this problem.
- disturbed 7y agoI don’t know what to say. You are absolutely right. What makes me even more anxious is the life my kids are going to have. How do I teach them to avoid the slavery when even I’m not able to break free.
- narag 7y agoYour kids will be grateful that you sacrificed yourself in a job you didn't like to give them a chance. Others have already told you: your situation is bad, but a part of this bad is that you see it worse. It's difficult to tell the realism bits from the defeatism ones. If in doubt, try to err on the side of optimism.