First things first, your health is important. See a GP and possibly also get a referral to a suitable therapist. You appear to be severely depressed and underst

First things first, your health is important. See a GP and possibly also get a referral to a suitable therapist. You appear to be severely depressed and understandably so. So professional help is critical. You are not alone. Many of us have had similar setbacks to you. Recognise the sunk cost fallacy aspect of it. What has happened is in the past. Extract the learnings from the experience so that you will embark upon new projects and not repeat those mistakes. "It's darkest before dawn." -- let the sunshine in and pick a new adventure.