5 ms·

>It is as simple as you ask a woman out who you are interested in No it's not that simple. Some women are propositioned so often that it becomes a trial just t

>It is as simple as you ask a woman out who you are interested in No it's not that simple. Some women are propositioned so often that it becomes a trial just to be out. Time and place are important too.

mewpmewp2 7y ago
Which women and how often?
- throwlaplace 7y ago
  Do you have women friends? Ask them.
  - mewpmewp2 7y ago
    I have a woman, as well as I have talked to women and if I have picked up anything it is that many of them consider modern men to lack initiative. It is actually easy to stand out by being straight forward and confident. Just don't be pushy and accept rejections gracefully.
hombre_fatal 7y ago
I rarely admit this to people, but when I was 19, I paid $700 to go to a weekend "PUA convention" like what Tom Cruise caricaturizes in the movie Magnolia. The eye-opening part for me was when we broke out in small groups, went downtown in Austin, and the group leader (employees of the event) cold-approached women with a level of success I only thought was possible in Hugh Grant movies and reserved for nobody other than Hugh Grant in real life. And my group leader was a 39yo bald guy. Most of the "wisdom" around approaching women are simply superstition and self-sabotage. "No, there's no way that could work so I won't even try."
- _bxg1 7y ago
  See, this kind of thing seems like it would actually start to enter the territory that the OP is terrified of. Confidence is essential, yes, but you can be confident and also be considerate. Setting aside the plethora of things wrong with a "PUA convention", your group leader probably made lots of women very uncomfortable. There's a difference between taking initiative in a context where women are actively looking for those kinds of interactions, and taking initiative randomly on the street.
  - hombre_fatal 7y ago
    I think your post demonstrates my point of sabotage. You took a general explanation of a scenario ("guy talks to women with great success") and assumed the worst, that this guy must have made women uncomfortable by approaching them, as if discomfort is an intrinsic part of human interaction. If you trot out this self-sabotage enough, you won't even leave your house because you might inconvenience someone by taking up the sidewalk tile they might've wanted to occupy. Yet this is the kind of thought process you see in men all the time when it comes to women and dating. As if women are anti-social automatons that don't actually like meeting new people much less single men who find them attractive and interesting. Or maybe they're just putting on their makeup and high-heels to meet everyone but you with your +discomfort debuff aura. I recommend trying to not just talk to women in the wild, but anyone. Just strike up some quick convo instead of assuming you're making them uncomfortable. I think you've come into this comments section with quite a lot of baggage about how you think these things need to play out.
    - _bxg1 7y ago
      You misunderstand; I don't have any trouble with human interaction, including strangers. But I've heard many women describe being exhausted by getting hit on constantly, in situations where they really just don't care and just want to get their coffee, or get to work, or be out in the world for literally any other reason. If you're at a bar or on a dating app: go for it. In that context, people are actively soliciting that kind of interaction. There's an implied social contract: "we are here to flirt". You may still be rejected, but you're invited to put yourself out there. In most other contexts, jumping straight into romantic interactions out of the blue is probably going to be unwanted. Being friendly to all people is great, sure. But read the room. And, from others' anecdotes, those annoying interactions are the best case scenario. Some (a minority, but not so small it doesn't matter) men don't handle rejection well. They get persistent, or pushy, or sometimes even irate or violent. Even if it only happens one out of one hundred times, it's enough to put someone on edge when a stranger approaches them and compliments their hair. Just another reason to keep unprompted amorous interactions within the appropriate contexts.
- monksy 7y ago
  I find this admirable. You realized you had an issue, you tried something to address it. You might even have had some success at it. Awesome! It's weird that you're getting downvoted for this.

mewpmewp2 7y ago

Which women and how often?

throwlaplace 7y ago
Do you have women friends? Ask them.
- mewpmewp2 7y ago
  I have a woman, as well as I have talked to women and if I have picked up anything it is that many of them consider modern men to lack initiative. It is actually easy to stand out by being straight forward and confident. Just don't be pushy and accept rejections gracefully.

hombre_fatal 7y ago

I rarely admit this to people, but when I was 19, I paid $700 to go to a weekend "PUA convention" like what Tom Cruise caricaturizes in the movie Magnolia. The eye-opening part for me was when we broke out in small groups, went downtown in Austin, and the group leader (employees of the event) cold-approached women with a level of success I only thought was possible in Hugh Grant movies and reserved for nobody other than Hugh Grant in real life. And my group leader was a 39yo bald guy. Most of the "wisdom" around approaching women are simply superstition and self-sabotage. "No, there's no way that could work so I won't even try."

_bxg1 7y ago
See, this kind of thing seems like it would actually start to enter the territory that the OP is terrified of. Confidence is essential, yes, but you can be confident and also be considerate. Setting aside the plethora of things wrong with a "PUA convention", your group leader probably made lots of women very uncomfortable. There's a difference between taking initiative in a context where women are actively looking for those kinds of interactions, and taking initiative randomly on the street.
- hombre_fatal 7y ago
  I think your post demonstrates my point of sabotage. You took a general explanation of a scenario ("guy talks to women with great success") and assumed the worst, that this guy must have made women uncomfortable by approaching them, as if discomfort is an intrinsic part of human interaction. If you trot out this self-sabotage enough, you won't even leave your house because you might inconvenience someone by taking up the sidewalk tile they might've wanted to occupy. Yet this is the kind of thought process you see in men all the time when it comes to women and dating. As if women are anti-social automatons that don't actually like meeting new people much less single men who find them attractive and interesting. Or maybe they're just putting on their makeup and high-heels to meet everyone but you with your +discomfort debuff aura. I recommend trying to not just talk to women in the wild, but anyone. Just strike up some quick convo instead of assuming you're making them uncomfortable. I think you've come into this comments section with quite a lot of baggage about how you think these things need to play out.
  - _bxg1 7y ago
    You misunderstand; I don't have any trouble with human interaction, including strangers. But I've heard many women describe being exhausted by getting hit on constantly, in situations where they really just don't care and just want to get their coffee, or get to work, or be out in the world for literally any other reason. If you're at a bar or on a dating app: go for it. In that context, people are actively soliciting that kind of interaction. There's an implied social contract: "we are here to flirt". You may still be rejected, but you're invited to put yourself out there. In most other contexts, jumping straight into romantic interactions out of the blue is probably going to be unwanted. Being friendly to all people is great, sure. But read the room. And, from others' anecdotes, those annoying interactions are the best case scenario. Some (a minority, but not so small it doesn't matter) men don't handle rejection well. They get persistent, or pushy, or sometimes even irate or violent. Even if it only happens one out of one hundred times, it's enough to put someone on edge when a stranger approaches them and compliments their hair. Just another reason to keep unprompted amorous interactions within the appropriate contexts.
monksy 7y ago
I find this admirable. You realized you had an issue, you tried something to address it. You might even have had some success at it. Awesome! It's weird that you're getting downvoted for this.