5 ms·
I agree. I think it's rambling but it's not horrible. I think > It was a dark and stormy night. or even > It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in
by baked_ziti 7y ago
I agree. I think it's rambling but it's not horrible. I think
> It was a dark and stormy night.
or even
> It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents.
are actually excellent. I like the rest of it as well. It just shouldn't be a single sentence.
- nerdponx 7y ago"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents. At times it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets -- for it is in London that our scene lies -- rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." I'm not a professional writer but I personally like this rephrasing.
- TheOtherHobbes 7y agoIn a Kindle novel it would be: London. Thunder. Rain.
- dwoozle 7y agoWhy is that? Does Kindle limit the number of words?
- dmitriid 7y agoAlexander Blok (Russian poet) A direct translation: Night, street, lamp, drugstore, A dull and meaningless light. Go on and live another quarter century - Nothing will change. There's no way out. You'll die, then start from the beginning, It will repeat, just like before: Night, icy ripples on a canal, Drugstore, street, lamp. More attempts here: https://ruverses.com/alexander-blok/night-street-lamp-drugstore/ https://ruverses.com/alexander-blok/night-street-lamp-drugst...
- Applejinx 7y agoYou could do 'swept up the London streets' quite easily, which saves an authorial interjection that's part of the whole Bulwer-Lytton vibe.