4 ms·

"My car's been having trouble" "I know a good mechanic" "Oh my god how dare you take my agency away from me, I'm never talking to you again" Good riddance if t

"My car's been having trouble" "I know a good mechanic" "Oh my god how dare you take my agency away from me, I'm never talking to you again" Good riddance if that's how somebody in my life ever reacted in that situation.

jdsully 7y ago
The difference is whether the person is expected to manage the situation on their own. If I said that to a buddy of mine who I know works on his own car he would be upset. He imagines himself capable of working on cars and I just communicated I don't think he can handle it. Nobody wants to be the person that other people see as a basket case. Just because someone is upset doesn't mean they can't solve the problem.
- jimmaswell 7y ago
  You can make a scenario where anything is rude. Here, if he said something and you said "could it be the fuel pump" that should also be an inoffensive comment, not prompt him feeling like "how dare this fool presume to lecture me about the inner machinations of an automobile; let this mark the end of our friendship"
  - olyjohn 7y ago
    I dunno man, I think this is more for situations where people are having personal or emotional issues. Things that they might be trying to work through. Not for troubleshooting a broken car or computer.
    - ljm 7y ago
      Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance explores exactly this beautifully.
goto11 7y ago
Can you imagine the reverse scenario, people giving you unsolicited advice? Most people just don't like advice they didn't ask for.
- bloak 7y ago
  Does that "most" mean 60% of people, or 90%? Unsolicited advice only annoys me if it's long-winded and preventing me from doing something else. Also, I don't know what "validation" is in this context. Oxford English Dictionary doesn't seem to adequately cover psychobabble (though it does at least have the word "psychobabble").
Angostura 7y ago
Maybe try to establish whether it is something they could fix themselves first?
adamsea 7y ago
Unasked-for advice is often not actually helpful and more about the advice-giver than the receiver. They would probably not say that and just slowly freeze you out of their social life because they found you annoying, grating, or unpleasant to interact with. People often simply want to share what's going on and be heard and recognized. It's a basic human need. Obviously it all depends on the situation.
ljm 7y ago
Do you need a coach to fix your car? Almost certainly no. If you’re trying to be absurd or sarcastic then I think you need someone like me to help you with that, and I won’t.

jdsully 7y ago

The difference is whether the person is expected to manage the situation on their own. If I said that to a buddy of mine who I know works on his own car he would be upset. He imagines himself capable of working on cars and I just communicated I don't think he can handle it. Nobody wants to be the person that other people see as a basket case. Just because someone is upset doesn't mean they can't solve the problem.

jimmaswell 7y ago
You can make a scenario where anything is rude. Here, if he said something and you said "could it be the fuel pump" that should also be an inoffensive comment, not prompt him feeling like "how dare this fool presume to lecture me about the inner machinations of an automobile; let this mark the end of our friendship"
- olyjohn 7y ago
  I dunno man, I think this is more for situations where people are having personal or emotional issues. Things that they might be trying to work through. Not for troubleshooting a broken car or computer.
  - ljm 7y ago
    Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance explores exactly this beautifully.

goto11 7y ago

Can you imagine the reverse scenario, people giving you unsolicited advice? Most people just don't like advice they didn't ask for.

bloak 7y ago
Does that "most" mean 60% of people, or 90%? Unsolicited advice only annoys me if it's long-winded and preventing me from doing something else. Also, I don't know what "validation" is in this context. Oxford English Dictionary doesn't seem to adequately cover psychobabble (though it does at least have the word "psychobabble").

Angostura 7y ago

Maybe try to establish whether it is something they could fix themselves first?

adamsea 7y ago

Unasked-for advice is often not actually helpful and more about the advice-giver than the receiver. They would probably not say that and just slowly freeze you out of their social life because they found you annoying, grating, or unpleasant to interact with. People often simply want to share what's going on and be heard and recognized. It's a basic human need. Obviously it all depends on the situation.

ljm 7y ago

Do you need a coach to fix your car? Almost certainly no. If you’re trying to be absurd or sarcastic then I think you need someone like me to help you with that, and I won’t.