6 ms·

It's important that this applies to virtually any endeavor, from coding to being social or dating. You are going to be dumb, lame, awkward, etc at pretty much

It's important that this applies to virtually any endeavor, from coding to being social or dating. You are going to be dumb, lame, awkward, etc at pretty much anything you haven't done before; the only path to not being that way is to just tough it through that awkward phase.

leggomylibro 7y ago
One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences, and you're right that it isn't the sort of thing you can learn by reading about it. There's really no chance for young'uns to learn in this day and age. It's tough, and the worst part is that there's no way out or hope for things to improve. And you can't complain or seek help, or you get treated like someone who must be broken to feel that way. It's an impersonal and judgemental world that we live in today, no matter who you are or what your views are like. No wonder so many people seem to feel that our current culture and society are so vehemently toxic that they aren't worth even trying to participate in.
- WhompingWindows 7y ago
  What do you mean by "extreme consequences" for mistakes in social situations?
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
  - leggomylibro 7y ago
    For awhile now, everyone has been one viral moment away from mob justice. You might lose your career, or you might get harassed day and night, or worse just for slighting the wrong person. But you also can't opt out of online socializing if you want to meet and keep in touch with people.
    - deleted 7y ago
      [deleted]
    - StuffedParrot 7y ago
      This is ridiculous. R Kelly performed for years as a known pedophile with an adoring fan base. Cancel culture is mostly a myth. You’d have to do something pretty damn bad, way worse than “slighting”, for your behavior to go viral enough you’re “harassed day and night”. Social rejection is how you learn to be social, and it ain’t gonna ruin your life. It’s just painful.
      - magashna 7y ago
        Remember the NASA scientist who got so much shit for wearing a shirt?
        StuffedParrot 7y ago
        No... nothing on google either. Edit: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/nov/14/rosetta-comet-dr-matt-taylor-apology-sexist-shirt https://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/nov/14/rosetta-come... He wasn’t even fired. What is there to complain about? Cancel culture is a myth.
        magashna 7y ago
        The guy was brought to tears for wearing a shirt his female friend made. Just because a company doesn't fire someone (and rightfully so) doesn't mean there aren't pitchfork waving mobs screaming for the head of some comedian/artist/random guy. A great example of satirizing the movement would be 30 Rock's "Idiots are people two!" Edit: also that you dismissed it, even though googling my comment verbatim would've given you a source, shows that you're starting at your conclusion then working backwards. Trolling isn't appreciated
        StuffedParrot 7y ago
        He wore it in public and as a representative of a state agency. The fact that a woman made it doesn’t impact anything; he had a complete lack of sensitivity, and he apologized, and he didn’t get fired. What is there to discuss? FWIW I preserved my original comment in good faith. I don’t appreciate your not recognizing my edits.
  - cagmz 7y ago
    OP might be referring to "cancel culture": https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html
- vezycash 7y ago
  >One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences This is what happens when children aren't allowed time to play with fellow kids. They'll won't learn much needed social skills when the social/emotional cost is low.
- snikeris 7y ago
  > One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences Wasn't this more the case for our ancestors? You make a mistake, and you're banished from the tribe or you don't reproduce. In modern times, the stakes aren't as high, but our emotions haven't yet recalibrated.
danlugo92 7y ago
Tip from first hand experience (for dating): Think you're the only one being dumb/lame/awkward? Regardless of actually you being one of those things, chances are the other person is actually thinking the same.

leggomylibro 7y ago

One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences, and you're right that it isn't the sort of thing you can learn by reading about it. There's really no chance for young'uns to learn in this day and age. It's tough, and the worst part is that there's no way out or hope for things to improve. And you can't complain or seek help, or you get treated like someone who must be broken to feel that way. It's an impersonal and judgemental world that we live in today, no matter who you are or what your views are like. No wonder so many people seem to feel that our current culture and society are so vehemently toxic that they aren't worth even trying to participate in.

WhompingWindows 7y ago
What do you mean by "extreme consequences" for mistakes in social situations?
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- leggomylibro 7y ago
  For awhile now, everyone has been one viral moment away from mob justice. You might lose your career, or you might get harassed day and night, or worse just for slighting the wrong person. But you also can't opt out of online socializing if you want to meet and keep in touch with people.
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
  - StuffedParrot 7y ago
    This is ridiculous. R Kelly performed for years as a known pedophile with an adoring fan base. Cancel culture is mostly a myth. You’d have to do something pretty damn bad, way worse than “slighting”, for your behavior to go viral enough you’re “harassed day and night”. Social rejection is how you learn to be social, and it ain’t gonna ruin your life. It’s just painful.
    - magashna 7y ago
      Remember the NASA scientist who got so much shit for wearing a shirt?
      - StuffedParrot 7y ago
        No... nothing on google either. Edit: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/nov/14/rosetta-comet-dr-matt-taylor-apology-sexist-shirt https://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/nov/14/rosetta-come... He wasn’t even fired. What is there to complain about? Cancel culture is a myth.
        magashna 7y ago
        The guy was brought to tears for wearing a shirt his female friend made. Just because a company doesn't fire someone (and rightfully so) doesn't mean there aren't pitchfork waving mobs screaming for the head of some comedian/artist/random guy. A great example of satirizing the movement would be 30 Rock's "Idiots are people two!" Edit: also that you dismissed it, even though googling my comment verbatim would've given you a source, shows that you're starting at your conclusion then working backwards. Trolling isn't appreciated
        StuffedParrot 7y ago
        He wore it in public and as a representative of a state agency. The fact that a woman made it doesn’t impact anything; he had a complete lack of sensitivity, and he apologized, and he didn’t get fired. What is there to discuss? FWIW I preserved my original comment in good faith. I don’t appreciate your not recognizing my edits.
- cagmz 7y ago
  OP might be referring to "cancel culture": https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html
vezycash 7y ago
>One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences This is what happens when children aren't allowed time to play with fellow kids. They'll won't learn much needed social skills when the social/emotional cost is low.
snikeris 7y ago
> One problem is that you aren't allowed to make mistakes in social situations anymore without facing extreme consequences Wasn't this more the case for our ancestors? You make a mistake, and you're banished from the tribe or you don't reproduce. In modern times, the stakes aren't as high, but our emotions haven't yet recalibrated.

danlugo92 7y ago

Tip from first hand experience (for dating): Think you're the only one being dumb/lame/awkward? Regardless of actually you being one of those things, chances are the other person is actually thinking the same.