6 ms·
I’m a coach in training and question number 3 there is a powerful question. That’s a really great question to ask because you’re not getting involved in the top
by ljm 7y ago
I’m a coach in training and question number 3 there is a powerful question. That’s a really great question to ask because you’re not getting involved in the topic, you’re not giving them ideas, and you’re not working through it for them.
The others are too nuanced to easily explain, but “what are you going to do with that,” is a fucking fantastic question when a friend confides in you. You’re right that this requires some level of safety, but you are making sure they are still self-empowered.
The worst thing you can do is remove that agency and try to solve someone’s problems for them.
- hysan 7y agoThis is a great teaching technique as well. It opens the door for students to realize that they can attempt to solve a problem on their own. You also gain more insight into what roadblocks they are running into and what to really focus on. They also get to practice conveying their thoughts and in some cases, this builds confidence as they might find that they were much closer to the answer than they thought.
- ljm 7y agoThis is classic mentoring. The difference between mentoring and coaching is that as a mentor you will offer answers. As a coach, you will offer none. In both cases you’re giving them the ropes but in the first you’re holding their hand around them. And as a teacher, you are telling them.
- hawaiianbrah 7y agoWhat are you a coach in training for?
- ljm 7y agoI think I want to do life coaching but more often than not I work with relationships. Relationships are a strong part of life. I’m a programmer but I don’t enjoy writing code. I enjoy helping people with themselves. So I strongly advocate for anyone who wants a way in and I choos to use my coaching skills to be a cheerleader for new and existing talent. But to answer your question, I’m a coach in training for coaching.
- jimmaswell 7y ago"My car's been having trouble" "I know a good mechanic" "Oh my god how dare you take my agency away from me, I'm never talking to you again" Good riddance if that's how somebody in my life ever reacted in that situation.
- jdsully 7y agoThe difference is whether the person is expected to manage the situation on their own. If I said that to a buddy of mine who I know works on his own car he would be upset. He imagines himself capable of working on cars and I just communicated I don't think he can handle it. Nobody wants to be the person that other people see as a basket case. Just because someone is upset doesn't mean they can't solve the problem.
- jimmaswell 7y agoYou can make a scenario where anything is rude. Here, if he said something and you said "could it be the fuel pump" that should also be an inoffensive comment, not prompt him feeling like "how dare this fool presume to lecture me about the inner machinations of an automobile; let this mark the end of our friendship"
- olyjohn 7y agoI dunno man, I think this is more for situations where people are having personal or emotional issues. Things that they might be trying to work through. Not for troubleshooting a broken car or computer.
- ljm 7y agoZen and the art of motorcycle maintenance explores exactly this beautifully.
- goto11 7y agoCan you imagine the reverse scenario, people giving you unsolicited advice? Most people just don't like advice they didn't ask for.