"since most young women aren't exactly excited to talk about code, or tech, or any of the things HN types tend to dedicate our lives to" This is an open invita

"since most young women aren't exactly excited to talk about code, or tech, or any of the things HN types tend to dedicate our lives to" This is an open invitation to you to ask questions. "What are you really fascinated by? Do you have a thing that you dedicated all your free time to?" And as for talking about code, don't talk about code - talk about why it's fascinating to you. What do you see there that makes it this spectacular thing? And don't see it as "finding intimate partners", but "finding interesting people". If you're both interesting to each other, there's a much better chance of intimacy. (But still far from guaranteed) It's not guaranteed to succeed, but "tell me about you" is a pretty good invitation, and "tell me about what motivates you" is good inspiration. (And, as a side bar: It's worth finding one or two things outside code. Not to be more interesting, but because having a single focus is a good way towards burnout some years later)