5 ms·

Often it's useful to mentally frame this as that the problem is that the speaker feels unheard, not that they're speaking about a problem.

Dumblydorr 7y ago
And that more often than not, the speaker already knows potential solutions and next steps, they just want you to agree that it sucks. Too often, solutions driven people try to solve venters' problems rather than simply listening to what they are.
- 77pt77 7y ago
  >Too often, solutions driven people try to solve venters' problems rather than simply listening to what they are. If you don't want actionable answers to a problem, save it to your personal life or therapist. Your colleagues have a duty to behave decently towards you but they are not paid to be your emotional dumpster.
  - whatshisface 7y ago
    You're talking about colleagues, who you don't have any duty to be emotionally available for, but the parent poster is talking about friends and family.
    - 77pt77 7y ago
      The top comment even mentioned strangers!
  - automatoney 7y ago
    Even if you have no contractual obligation to listen to your coworkers, in general many people enjoy, and potentially expect, to become closer with their coworkers which is generally accomplished through sharing personal details and emotions. It's totally fine if you don't want to participate, (and it's possible for people to over-rely on others for emotional labor) but I think many other people are more productive when they're more than just acquaintances with their coworkers.
  - grozzle 7y ago
    I'm quite certain everyone else knows we're talking about personal lives, not colleagues.
    - cc81 7y ago
      Some colleagues you spend a lot of time with and and there is still a bond even if you are not real friends that would spend time together outside of work. Sometimes my colleague needs to went about a project that is going bad or a person that is making their life difficult and sometimes I might do that as well. You listen and sometimes you discuss solutions but sometimes it just venting about a situation you both know is shitty. Just don't become they guy/girl who is always negative or talking shit about people though.
    - 77pt77 7y ago
      The discussion started even mentioning strangers.
  - onion2k 7y ago
    You may not feel an emotion connection to people you've spend thousands of hours around but that is unusual. Most people do. You can't really expect people who spend 1/3 to 1/2 of their waking hours in close proximity to one another for years to not become friends and confidants who are able to talk about serious, non-work things together. It's normal.
- pitt1980 7y ago
  Those ideas aren't mutually exclusive. Sometimes people are more receptive about suggested solutions after you've expressed some solidarity. "Yeah that does suck" "That situation happened to me, it was a pain in the ass, I tried to do X, it didn't work that well, then I tried to do Y, it seemed to work ok, if I'm in that situation again, I'll probably go with Y"

Dumblydorr 7y ago

And that more often than not, the speaker already knows potential solutions and next steps, they just want you to agree that it sucks. Too often, solutions driven people try to solve venters' problems rather than simply listening to what they are.

77pt77 7y ago
>Too often, solutions driven people try to solve venters' problems rather than simply listening to what they are. If you don't want actionable answers to a problem, save it to your personal life or therapist. Your colleagues have a duty to behave decently towards you but they are not paid to be your emotional dumpster.
- whatshisface 7y ago
  You're talking about colleagues, who you don't have any duty to be emotionally available for, but the parent poster is talking about friends and family.
  - 77pt77 7y ago
    The top comment even mentioned strangers!
- automatoney 7y ago
  Even if you have no contractual obligation to listen to your coworkers, in general many people enjoy, and potentially expect, to become closer with their coworkers which is generally accomplished through sharing personal details and emotions. It's totally fine if you don't want to participate, (and it's possible for people to over-rely on others for emotional labor) but I think many other people are more productive when they're more than just acquaintances with their coworkers.
- grozzle 7y ago
  I'm quite certain everyone else knows we're talking about personal lives, not colleagues.
  - cc81 7y ago
    Some colleagues you spend a lot of time with and and there is still a bond even if you are not real friends that would spend time together outside of work. Sometimes my colleague needs to went about a project that is going bad or a person that is making their life difficult and sometimes I might do that as well. You listen and sometimes you discuss solutions but sometimes it just venting about a situation you both know is shitty. Just don't become they guy/girl who is always negative or talking shit about people though.
  - 77pt77 7y ago
    The discussion started even mentioning strangers.
- onion2k 7y ago
  You may not feel an emotion connection to people you've spend thousands of hours around but that is unusual. Most people do. You can't really expect people who spend 1/3 to 1/2 of their waking hours in close proximity to one another for years to not become friends and confidants who are able to talk about serious, non-work things together. It's normal.
pitt1980 7y ago
Those ideas aren't mutually exclusive. Sometimes people are more receptive about suggested solutions after you've expressed some solidarity. "Yeah that does suck" "That situation happened to me, it was a pain in the ass, I tried to do X, it didn't work that well, then I tried to do Y, it seemed to work ok, if I'm in that situation again, I'll probably go with Y"